General Question

lilakess's avatar

How do I make a decision when I really can't figure out which is the best course of action?

Asked by lilakess (784points) September 27th, 2008

I’m struggling to decide something, both ways have merits. How do I figure out what I should actually do. (No, this is not election related.)

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11 Answers

artificialard's avatar

I think it’s hard to give advice without more details – there are some decisions where you can approach with a more objective eye (list pro/cons, evaluate with criteria) or other ones where that require a more qualitative evaluation (opinions of others, sleep on it)...

I can say that my gut instinct is almost always correct, I feel that my mind has already discerned the best course of action and more fumbling after the fact is rationalisation and self-doubt… If I have no idea of what to do then I typically do more ‘research’.

JackAdams's avatar

I agree with the above response. More information is needed.

lilakess's avatar

Okay. I’ll try to be brief. I’m in the middle of a contentious divorce. I have had a lawyer, my ex has not. My lawyer had done very little for me, while spending basically all of the 10K I gave her. We are just at the point of trading interrogatories (financial disclosure statements) which can be used in court. I was thinking of using my lawyer on a consultant basis, meaning I can do more myself. But my ex just got himself a lawyer, meaning I would be dealing with his lawyer, which is maybe okay. I’m just stressed not having a lawyer, but also spending money I don’t have to have her, when, since we aren’t going into court, I probably don’t really need. If I need to be in court, then I would make the lawyer formal again…

Is this clearer?

scamp's avatar

It’s somewhat clearer. What decision are you trying to make? Are you trying to decide whether or not to hhave an attorney in court with you? if so, I would say yes. You are entering the phase where you will need an attorney’s advice. Maybe you would do well to find a different one tho, since this one hasn’t done much and charged alot.

If this isn’t going to be pretty, you will need an attorney’s advice more than ever now. Sorry you’re having such a rough time. BTW, I’d check inot what the past attorney did and didn’t do for you, and why it cost so much. my entire divorce was only $900.00 and I didn’t even have to be there. I got my divorce from another state. I now live in New Jersey, and moved here from Florida prior to the divorce. My attorney handled everything over the phone, and she made the court appearance for me so I wouldn’t have to go.

fireside's avatar

I agree with scamp:

Lawyer = Yes

That lawyer = No

marinelife's avatar

You need an attorney. It is not clear to me what your attorney has done that is 10,000 worth of law. Ask people for recommendations. Ask an attorney with another specialty who is best for divorce. this is no time to go it alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fireside's avatar

How about your parents?
They might be able to help even if you are afraid to tell them.

whatthefluther's avatar

I’ll share my experience in the hope it may help you or perhaps someone else in a similar situation. I went through the process once and hired a very good, very expensive attorney. I discovered very quickly why and when she charged me and that was when she answered my phone calls or did actual work on my case. Being a nervous, inquisitive type (I had a lot on the line in the settlement) I always had questions about the process and needed near constant reassuring (darn near needed to be babysat). I also discovered my attorney had a very competent and patient assistant whose time was not directly charged to my account (his cost was built into her rate just like her office rent and utilities and spread across all her clients with no correlation to the actual amount of time the assistant spent with me). Needless to say, her assistant got me through the process, with the attorney giving proper and excellent attention only when actually needed and not just to appease an anxious client. Upon settlement, my cost for the attorney was high but not unreasonable and I also gave the assistant a rather large gift certificate. Both were worth every penny. Incidentally, I remembered his name instantly…it took me a minute or two to recall hers. Good luck to you.

fireside's avatar

Lol – I mixed this up with the DUI kid thread when I posted the advice about your parents.
Guess I should have gone to bed a while ago…

augustlan's avatar

@fireside: I was wondering!

scamp's avatar

@whatthefluther that was very good reminder, and I’m sure it will be very helpful to anyone who reads it. It’s good for people to know in advance that the “friendly little chats” one may have with the secretary in an attorney’s office when the attorney is not available is usually being charged to you account.

Just think of a taxi service when dealing with an attorney’s office… the meter is always running!!

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