General Question

PredatorGanazX's avatar

Do you guys believe in pre arrange marriage by families?

Asked by PredatorGanazX (222points) September 27th, 2008

Age old tradition where our fore farther’s practice it. Is it still applicable in our age now adays.

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19 Answers

scamp's avatar

Not me.

maybe_KB's avatar

I respect families that keep traditions.
Esp. when the ‘one to be’ is all for it.

These tradition(s) are still very common in many parts of the world today
Pre-arranged marriages give me a sense of culture that still exist.
I enjoy watching documents and reading about diversities across the globe.
How it is still practiced in 2008–09’ and more than likely how it will remain this way.

-kinda cool

wildflower's avatar

It wouldn’t work in my reality.

EmpressPixie's avatar

I’m not cool with it, but I know that it has helped form great marriages (and those that are the total opposite of great). I’m not sure if we do better on our own or not, but I like to think we do.

marinelife's avatar

Not in this culture.

My problem with it in other cultures is that women are used by their families, sold, if you will, for an increase in material goods, status, or the like—not to accrue to the woman, but for her relatives, usually her male relatives. I have a huge problem with that.

augustlan's avatar

Not in the traditional sense. Women are not property, and no one should be forced to marry another. However, I don’t see the problem with families introducing “suitable” potential mates, as long as the adult children make the final decisions.

syz's avatar

No way.

PredatorGanazX's avatar

Seems like a big NO NO from the collective ..

LKidKyle1985's avatar

I wish my folks would pre-arrange for me to marry some chick that was rich.

PredatorGanazX's avatar

Carefull of what you wish for LkidKyle… will that guarantee you happiness or at least a long lasting marriage..

cyndyh's avatar

Let’s just say my upbringing is really incompatible with that sort of thing. If someone had tried to impose that on me it wouldn’t be pretty.

LauraK's avatar

A lot of traditions modernize the arranged marriage by making it an intro not a secret pact for monetary exchange. In this case I don’t see much diff b/t that and But I agree with Augustian that no one should be forced to marry anyone else especially someone they don’t know and haven’t chosen. There are plenty of stories of arranged marriages working but recent generational gaps have made this less and less likely. Culture is evolving so fast since the advent of computers that our parents just don’t always have the capacity to see us in context.

marinelife's avatar

@LauraK Welcome to the collective. Good point about introductions—nothing wrong with that. As you say, it may have more to recommend it than dating sites or, for example, bars. BTW, we felt the same way about our parents.

LauraK's avatar

Oh yeah I know Marina… 82 y/o Mom died this year and I can remember her calling Dylan “that squealing banshee” and she was always saying “I want to learn the computer” but “mouse” was too much and “icon” just blew her mind. (smile)
But I think the split is even more extreme for newly arrived (here in the US) families from other cultures that are steeped in the arranged marriage tradition, the kids just get americanized and the chasm widens. And truthfully, the parents don’t always still know what’s best. Although I know lots of first generation people who did end up being most successful with someone from the same root culture.

maybe_KB's avatar

@ Marina The warm welcome was nice

LauraK's avatar

oops! Did I make another faux pas? I appreciated Marina’s welcome but she welcomed me the other day and I thought I thanked her for it already so I was just discussing the question. Hope I didn’t offend. I’m just saying that I have experienced the genration gap in my own life but I think its harder for families that have just arrived in the US who are from a very different culture. I know lots of people in this situation from Asian and Indian and Middle Eastern families and their sense of tradition and keeping with custom is so strong for the parents because they are far from their social support systems whereas the kids are going gangbusters for the popular culture – and these two things can be contrary.

Judi's avatar

A lot of my daughters high school friends were from India and had their marriages arranged from childhood. There was one point when adolesence and dating became miserable when she said, “I wish we just lived in a culture where you would choose my spouse. I know you would not hook me up with someone bad.” Of course we never would, but I respect cultures with a different tradition than ours. Divorce rates are lower. They have a different approach to marriage and family than the American approach has been in recent years. What happens when the endorphins fade? Many Americans think they fall out of love and divorce. If you live with someone for at least 10 years I promise you will see their ugly side, and there will be times when you will have to CHOOSE to love them because loving is the last thing you FEEL. In an arranged marriage they are CHOOSING to love someone and the feelings come later.
I may not choose arranged marriage for myself or my family, but I will try to understand cultures that choose that way of life and try to learn and grow from their experience. Maybe it will help me to be a better wife.

Nimis's avatar

For some, yes.
For others, no.

In our culture, probably not.

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