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flameboi's avatar

What happens when?

Asked by flameboi (7509points) September 29th, 2008

What happens when you find out that for the last 6 years a person has been telling you lies and lies and more lies with no remorse and you feel badly hurt, used and such situation leaves you emotionally disabled?

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16 Answers

deaddolly's avatar

Whoa, depends on the situation. Is this a relative or bf/gf?
If you feel that badly about it; its time to reevaluate the relationship. Harder to do with some family members.

I’ve met ppl who just lie without even realizing it. Pathological liars.

Have you talked to this person? Guess a few more details would help.

flameboi's avatar

@dd
I’m talking to this person now, via e-mail fo course, she is some kind of, mmm… a relationship I’d been trying to get over for a while, I don’t think she is a pathological liar, she just lied to me all this time…

robmandu's avatar

Lies suck.

I’d guess she wasn’t lying to hurt you… but more to protect herself (of course, I know nothing of what’s going on).

Still, if lying is a deal breaker, then walk away.

If she was trying to hurt you, walk away.

If you think she hates you, walk away.

If, in her position, you think there’s a chance that you might’ve lied. And if you think you can come to accept and forgive her for that, then work on the relationship.

Judi's avatar

You go through all the stages of grief , denial, anger, barganing, depression, and finally acceptance, and you pick yourself up and move on.

deaddolly's avatar

Yes, it’s obviously hurt you and if she lied about one or two things, who knows what else she’d lie about. Trust is very important for any relationship.
This isn’t, by any change, an internet type of romance, is it?
The reason i ask is, my daughter’s done those, and I’ve got tons of experience on that front!

gailcalled's avatar

@flame; I am sorry for the distress and unhappiness you are undergoing. However, ” I don’t think she is a pathological liar, she just lied to me all this time…” That’s the definition of a pathologicl liar.

You need to explore your behavior and understand it. That way, you won’t get involved with a similar woman next time. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. There are emotion doctors or therapists who are trained to help you with an emotional disability, just as there are Orthopods to set broken bones. Good luck

flameboi's avatar

@gail
A pathological liar lies to everyone, not only me (lol…)
Well, by now, I’m getting over it step by step, one day at the time… I feel good now, finally its time fo me to do my “vanish trick” I’m famously known for :), it fells dreadful the first 5 minutes, but after that, you just realize that life is like that, a rollercoaster with ups and downs, and goes fast and slow, and makes you scream and makes you puke sometimes, I’m in the last stage :s

La_chica_gomela's avatar

flame, i feel you! something really similar happened to me, from i can tell. i found out that someone i had known for almost 10 years had been… omitting the truth for the last year, he was someone i used to date, and had already gotten over a long time before. but i felt so sick when i found out the truth. all the nice things that i had done, that i had let him do for me, all the friendly conversations, i just wanted to puke. i wanted to confront him and scream at him. i wanted to never talk to him agian. i wanted to throw something nasty at him. i wanted to never see him again.

it was really hard, but it sounds like you know what to do, get over it one day at the time. i was letting it consume my whole life and all my thoughts for a while, and then i realized that that was a miserable life, and that the only way it would change was if i changed it, so i tried to just put it out of my head, when i caught myself thinking about it just stop, and now i think i’m okay. i think.

all we can do is take it one day at the time.

best of luck!! we’re all here for you!

gailcalled's avatar

@flame; you sound better than you did an hour ago. (And I would venture that if she was lying compulsively to you, she was doing it to others.) Most young people don’t know much about conflict resolution and take what they think is the easy way out.. But whatever her techniques, it is still really painfyl .

Are you no longer “emotionally disabled”? That is good, being able to get to the last stage so fast. I sometimes want to say to someone, “You are a gormless twit,” but I don’t.

Don’t give her any more power over your life (easier said than done, I know).

flameboi's avatar

@LcG
At least I know I’m not alone, thank you :)
I still don’t know how a person can betray other’s trust, and everything else… Life fires back at you when you least expect it to happen, so I guess I won’t have to worry about vengance or anything, sonner or latter lies will fall and the truth shall arise… and what comes around goes around right?
@the masked man (where is the mask anyway?)
Thank you for the walk away advice, I’m walking away from troubles in my head, I’m walking away to find a better day :)
@Judy
Thank you :)
@Gail
I’d been emotionally disabled for a while, but I guess is time to go back to the road (by the way, can I have your lurve…) just kidding :)
@all
You are Awesome!

robmandu's avatar

@flameboi, the mask was itchin’ my beard. So I’m trying without for a while.

augustlan's avatar

Good luck flameboi. Learn from the experience, but don’t become hardened by it.

flameboi's avatar

Thank you augustian, I guess that’s what frightens me the most, getting hardened by it… let’s see what happens, if i become a sad and bitter person, I’ll let you know

bodyhead's avatar

I would suggest that you turn into a creepy paranoid individual with very little ability to ever trust again. I’m on that plan and it’s working wonders for me.

Everyone lies all the time. It’s just that there’s different degrees of truth. Sounds like your alternate was telling you 100% falsehoods for much of your time together. Find someone who can generally keep it below 20% and you’ll make out ok.

If you do become sad and bitter let me know, I’ll send you an invite to a club I founded.

Seriously though, cut this person off. Don’t respond to emails. Don’t take phone calls. Take them off all your friend lists (aim, myspace, etc). Some cell phone providers allow you to block text messages from certain numbers.

Just give Jack Adams a call if you want her to disappear. As he’ll tell you, assassination is always an option.

flameboi's avatar

@Bodyhead
you made my day hahahaha

marionef's avatar

I feel for you, but the best thing for you is to cut all ties with the person and get on with your life. Don’t let this person ruin what is left of yor life. Let go and find people who have similar interests. I went through this same thing a few years ago with someone I was friends with for 18 yrs. It took some time, but what helped me is I lucked out. The person actually called me a year ago to apologize and it has made it easier to get on with my life. She is trying to resume our friendship, but since I know what will happen if I do, I don’t plan on letting that happen. I wish you all the best and keep your chin up. You are a better person.

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