General Question

queenzboulevard's avatar

How come I can't make my girlfriend orgasm?

Asked by queenzboulevard (2549points) October 6th, 2008

My penis size is NOT a problem, so don’t be retarted and tell me that’s what it is because that wouldn’t be the first time someone told me that on this stupid site. Just give your freaking opinion.

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31 Answers

Magnus's avatar

Removed by a fluther moderator going back in time and removing this crude joke before it was posted.

krose1223's avatar

How long have you guys been having sex? For me personally I have to get used to a guy. Everyone is different and you have to find out what she likes. Some girls just have a hard time having an orgasm. I know I have enjoyed sex and not had an orgasm. Don’t try so hard to make her have one, because I get SO ANNOYED when a guy does that! It pretty much makes it impossible for me because I feel like I’m being watched. You may, or may not have, heard this before, but try elevating her pelvis. (Pillow under the butt.) That always hits the spot.

Magnus's avatar

Bust moves from porn.

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

Some women can’t have orgasm just from penetration. I actually think its like more than 50% of women or something like that. Try clitoral stimulation?

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I’m sorry if you find this retarded, but I feel like the absolute last person who could tell you the answer to that. You need to talk to your girlfriend, man!

(That doesn’t mean I’m opposed to talking about the issue in more depth, and trying to figure it out, I just think you’re going to learn a lot less from us than you would from her)

That being said, if you really want my help, here are my questions, and if you find them too personal, I’m sorry, you asked the question, AND if you don’t know the answers, you should probably find out, whether you share them with me or not.

-What have you been doing so far that has not been working?

-How long do your “sessions” with your gf usually last?

-What are her favorite things that you are doing right now?

-What are your favorite things that you are doing now?

-Have you talked to her about this at all?

-What did she say?

-How long have you been dating?

-How old (roughly) are each of you?

-How many sexual parters (roughly) has each of you had?

-How long have you two been having sex?

-Has she ever had an orgasm?

-If so, was it by herself or with someone else?

-Does she stimulate herself at all?

Answer these, then we’ll talk.
You can PM me if you want.

Bri_L's avatar

I agree with chica. It is the best thing to do.

JackAdams's avatar

Some surveys I have read, if they are to be believed at all, claim that over 60% of women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone, and require more direct stimulation.

Penis size, I have been told, is not a factor, but the angle of it, supposedly is, and that can be affected by position, more than anything else, rather than size modifications.

But you have been given good advice, regarding the fact that you should probably talk directly with your lady about this, and get her thoughts.

AstroChuck's avatar

My ex was multi-orgasmic. We were married six years, only two orgasms. And I wasn’t there for either of them. Some guys at work told me about it.

loser's avatar

Have you talked to your girlfriend about this? She can answer your question way better than any of us can.

oopslc89's avatar

I all honesty I had this very same problem. Alot of people would tell you not to put too much pressure on yourself or her, but i disagree heavily. If you dont properly pleasure her soon she is gunna go look elsewhere. once my girl was struggle to peak and I video taped her till she did. trust me dude it works.

queenzboulevard's avatar

@oopslc89 Nice!

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I am so serious about my questions, queenzboulevard. If you really want to figure it out, I can help you. You have to take the first step.

tinyfaery's avatar

Aquaint yourself with the clitoris. It’s the answer to all of your problems.

krose1223's avatar

haha @ tinyfaery- I think that applies to men and women ;-) No matter their sexual orientation

La_chica_gomela's avatar

krose, how is acquainting himself with the clitoris going to help a gay man? for real? :)

queenzboulevard's avatar

a. doggy style doggy style and más doggy style…i like it but she gives in eventually
b. good nite, 5 minutes, bad night, 2….i have asthma…plus she says she doesn’t like it when we go too long anyways
c. i’m pretty sure she loves it when i bite her ear…some times she makes little noises so that’s how i know
d. doggy style, doggy style, and doggy style
e. nope
f. nothing because i haven’t talked to her
g. a month thats why it’s so hard to talk to her about it
h. i’m 18 and she’s 29 but she looks really young
i. she’s my first and she gave me a list of roughly fourteen guys and one was a girl but i don’t know if that counts….
k. total time of intercourse = 2 hours 8 min..but in days 2 weeks
j. yes she said this is the first time she’s ever had a problem
k. yes yes and somtimes both at the same time
l. i try to take care of that but she said she’s been having to since i’ve been struggling

krose1223's avatar

cause all girls go to their gay friends for advice?? Ha.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

A. Has she tried stimulating her clitoris with her fingers while you do this position? It’s really fun. Especially if you really like the position.

B. this could be part of this issue. what about “playing” that’s not direct intercourse? As several insightful flutherers have pointed out, it is often not the intercourse that gets a girl off, but the “other stuff” Before and after, it can really help get a girl off to give her some attention that’s not just thrusting. I don’t want to get too graphic because of the guidelines, but tounge, fingers, gently brushing up against certain areas with a lubed “head”. Those are the things that really do it for “some girls I know” we’ll just say. Also, it can take, on average 20 minutes from when a woman is first aroused, to climax, so, if the total time you spend in the bed (or wherever ;-))is less than that, I would say that’s your culprit right there. I will press on, because I have some other stuff that might be helpful, as well.

C. that’s great! Awesome! Do that when it seems like she’s getting close!

E. definitely talk to her about it. I think we’ve covered that one.

G. a month is REALLY not that long! Please don’t be afraid to talk to her! It takes a real man to talk about this stuff, and it will show her that you really care about her pleasure, and about her!!

H. that’s actually a great sign! Because 29 is old enough that she probably knows her body very well, and knows what she likes. and if you talk to her about it, she can show you what she likes. It’s pretty hard to get a girl off if you don’t know how AND she doesn’t know how. So that’s great news.

I. same thing.

J. another good sign. It can be done.

K. based on this information, when (yes I said when ;) )you do talk to her about it, you could ask her what types of sex, positions, movements, tricks, etc, got her off when she was with a partner before.

That’s all I’ve got right now. I wish you the very best of luck! I know you can do it! Good job on seeking out help! Now go get ‘er! (Or, give it to her, as it were) ;-)

And if you have any other questions or uncertainties, you can always ask!

augustlan's avatar

La chica, I think you’ve just become our official sex therapist!

2late2be's avatar

I was just thinking in ask something similar, but I am a girl, and wanted to know if most girls have and orgasm when her partner penetrates her or if he gave her oral sex, or never….

La_chica_gomela's avatar

augustlan, I would be so honored!

2late2be, i think that sounds like a great question!

Bri_L's avatar

It has been my experience with the women I have been with that there is no one way that works for all. 3 different women. 3 different ways. No one way worked with the other.

danzig's avatar

because that’s my job.

sjmc1989's avatar

I Have only had a orgasm one time in my entire life just by penatration. Basically I was on top and I just for a lack of a better word grinded on him and at my own pace until I finally reached it. I personally don’t mind not having an orgasm during sex i mean don’t get me wrong its nice but Oral is just as good for me.

Horus515's avatar

“good nite, 5 minutes, bad night, 2….i have asthma…plus she says she doesn’t like it when we go too long anyways”

As the Dixie Chicks once said, “There’s your trouble.”

Karnate111's avatar

You may have a funny shaped dik.

AnnieOakley's avatar

For sure fire, no nonsense results – that can be improved and perfected later – go get a vibrator and put it on her clit while you’re having sex. On second thought – start that before you begin intercourse based on what you said the length of time your sex sessions last.

frankiemartini's avatar

We usually have a date day on her day off and she knows that it is her time and I am ready to take care of her needs.She likes it when I talk to her and take her to a fantasy world where she is being taken care of by fantasy lovers.I try to relax her and tell her how I am going to take care of her because that is what she needs.I like to slowly massage her clitoris while kissing her and talking to her,I like to start nice and slow until she starts to get really turned on.Once she has her first orgasim than I really keep her going amd make her come at least 5 or 6 times.I like it when she can’t control herself and than I really work her over.

chelle21689's avatar

Is it odd that I like fingering way better than oral? lol

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