General Question

kevbo's avatar

Is lovemaking somehow better when you are trying to conceive?

Asked by kevbo (25621points) November 20th, 2008

Not speaking from experience, but I am curious. What are the aesthetic differences between pro-creation and, uh, re-creation?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

22 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

If memory holds, nothing.

scamp's avatar

I think it’s more fun when it’s for “re-creation.” There are no expectations of outcome, so you can relax and enjoy it more. When it’s for pro-creation, it can become like a “job”, and therefore less enjoyable.

wundayatta's avatar

The biggest sex organ is the brain. When you are trying to conceive, it starts to feel more important. Creating a new life is an amazing thing. Just knowing that, it seems to me, makes lovemaking better.

I’m assuming that people are choosing to make love; not forcing themselves to, in order to conceive. When my wife and I made love trying to conceive, that’s what it was like for me. We did end up having trouble conceiving, and our solution was to have the doctors make a baby for us.

Thus there was no random fighting it out between sperm to which one would get to fertilize the egg. The doctors chose the sperm to insert into the egg. We had nothing to do with that process other than contributing the necessary biological materials. Of course, when they chose a sperm, it was probably the luck of the draw—whichever sperm got sucked into the needle from the many that surrounded it.

I think most guys have between 50 million and 500 million sperm per ejaculation. That’s a lot of competition for just one egg! When I think of the natural process, compared to the human-assisted process, it boggles my mind. It makes me feel like there wasn’t just the two of us, but two of us and a whole team of doctors that determined the genetic material for our children.

tinyfaery's avatar

I think this is a heterocentric question. Am I denied this “specialness” because my “lovemaking” will never produce children?

kevbo's avatar

* Is consensual heterosexual lovemaking between a human male and a human female who is capable of bearing human children somehow better when the consenting human male and the consenting human female who is capable of bearing children are trying to conceive? *

Topic: consensual heterosexual sex between a human male and a human female who is capable of bearing human children

wundayatta's avatar

@tinyfaery: what if you are? It’s not as if the world set out to discriminate against gays and lesbians.

In any case, it’s all in your head. I’m sure you could have that “specialness,” too. It’s all about that idea of creation. It’s not as if gays and lesbians don’t create. Heck, you could do that just before using the turkey baster. It’s the intention that creates the difference, not the act itself. That’s the same as always.

tinyfaery's avatar

No it’s not in my head. Reread the question, it is heterocentric and is based on the assumption that the process of conception can lead to better sex. And your comment on the turkey baster is crass.

dynamicduo's avatar

There’s no differences biologically between trying to conceive and just sexing around. Sex feels great because it is positive reinforcement to have more sex, make more babies, and keep our species going; but there’s no real way for it to know if we’re serious or just joking around. Plus it wasn’t until very recently that sex became more recreational than procreational due to the birth control pill; while types of condoms have been around for ages they were certainly not our quality of condoms, and intestine condoms don’t prevent transmission of STDs. So today’s age of sex is quite different than last century and before’s. In response to your question, I would say that lovemaking is better when not trying to conceive due to the lack of stress and carefree nature of fun sex. Couples working on conceiving often put a lot of effort into the entire procedure (checking the woman’s temperature to determine where on the cycle they are and when its best for intercourse), and that might take fun out of the act itself.

wundayatta's avatar

@tinyfaery: I’m sorry you found the turkey baster comment crass. I have several friends who have used one very effectively. My point is that it is not the sperm that makes the experience special. Another point is that lesbians do have the option of turning an attempt at conception using artificial insemination (if you prefer) into part of a love-making ritual that can have exactly the same emotional content as anyone trying to conceive in the standard way.

People can experience the emotions associated with conception even if they are not heterosexual. In fact, you can include this special feeling in association with adoption, or IVF or any effort to iniate the process of bringin a new child into the family, if you want! It’s all a trick of the mind.

I beg to differ as to whether the feelings associated with lovemaking are in your head, as well. You insist that ”No it’s not in my head.” I think everything you feel is in your head, and that includes your feelings during lovemaking. What you think can heighten or diminish your experience. Also, I don’t mean just you, I mean everybody.

Finally, the question is not based on an assumption. It is asking about people’s experience. It’s an actual question, not a political statement.

And you never answered my question. What difference does it make if it is heterocentric?

scamp's avatar

So, are we not allowed to talk about any form of sex here unless it includes a “special gay tag” attached? I think you are being a bit too sensitive here tiny.

dynamicduo's avatar

I have to agree that this question’s meaning was pretty obvious, and tinyfaery’s interpretation was an overreaction. I can understand your fight against discrimination but this is not one of them IMO.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Hey, guys, give tiny a break. As the daughter of someone (a heterosexual woman who has had heterosexual relationships) who could not conceive naturally because of infertility, I know somewhat how tiny feels. It’s hard when some natural part of you, whether it be biology or sexual preference, prevents you from conceiving like most of the population.

scamp's avatar

Wow, this thread has been completely derailed What was the question again???

shilolo's avatar

I agree with scamp. Lovemaking with the express purpose of procreation that is ostensibly timed to perfection can sometimes lose its spontaneity and become more about physiology than passion. Moreover, when you are trying for months, and are having trouble conceiving, it can really become somewhat of a burden (I know how that sounds, but, it is the truth).

tinyfaery's avatar

I feel like I have a moral obligation to point out our culture’s norm of heterocentricity, just as our norms of racism and sexism, and that is the reason for my comment. And it was just a comment. The overreaction was the response to my comment. If you force me to defend my comment then I will. The pereceived overreaction must be in your head.

SuperMouse's avatar

Shilolo and Scamp hit it on the head for me. The first couple of months when trying to conceive are fun, but after that it becomes more of a chore. Watching the temps and fluid and charts, it is just kind of a pain.

wundayatta's avatar

And then, when you find out you’re infertile, it all crashes in on you. What’s the point of sex, now? How the hell am I going to become a father? Yeah, it feels good. But it is soooooo pointless. The rest of the world seems to be trying to prevent pregnancy, and all those efforts, in my case, were a waste of time. That sure turned my world upside down!

clairedete's avatar

I think partners would feel much more connected when trying to conceive. This may be taken wrong but if you and your partner are trying to conceive, you know the sex is based on love.
Totally not from experience just what I’d expect.

MacBean's avatar

My best friend and her husband started trying to get pregnant not very long ago. She was SO happy that it happened fast for them—it only took three or four months—because she said it started feeling like a job after just a few weeks.

augustlan's avatar

My personal experiences as a very fertile woman: Sex is sex. Lovemaking is not the same as sex. While trying to conceive, there was a whole lot more lovemaking going on than sex. Not to say there wasn’t lovemaking at other times, there was just more of it while trying to conceive. Now, if we had been unable to conceive quickly, I’m sure that would have changed.

Edited to add: Sex is about our bodies, while lovemaking is more about our minds.

sleepdoc's avatar

I don’t know if trying makes the best sex, but the best sex has resulted in kids for us.

kevbo's avatar

@sleepdoc, five gold stars. That’s an awesome answer.

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