General Question

everval's avatar

Should I get pregnant again?

Asked by everval (126points) December 12th, 2008

My baby is almost 13 months old and I definitely want him to have a partner, someone to play and make silly things with… I have brothers and sisters and can’t imagine what my life would be like without them. I don’t want them to be that much apart from each other (age) so, what do you think would be the best time for me to get pregnant again? should I do it at all considering the global situation?

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18 Answers

johnny0313x's avatar

I think you should ask yourself that…not fluther heh

augustlan's avatar

When my first child was 6 months old, I got pregnant (on purpose!) with my second…they are only 15 months apart. My second and third are 26 months apart. Sometimes it was tough, and I was changing someone’s diapers for 5 years straight, but I’m glad I did it that way. Only you can decide if it’s right for you, though.

As far as the economic situation, I would carefully assess how stable your/your husband’s employment is before proceeding. Good luck to you, whatever you decide!

EmpressPixie's avatar

So my first reaction to this was: What? No, seriously, what? That’s not a question for us to answer!

But my second reaction is to talk to some singles and some sibs and ask how having siblings vs being a singleton has changed them. In general, I think having a sibling is a huge advantage. I also think 2 – 3 years difference in age is a good amount. But seriously, it’s up to you and your partner.

wundayatta's avatar

Do you want your kids to play together, or fight?

Supposedly if kids are too close, they end up fighting a lot. The one hasn’t had a chance to be the center of attention long enough before the next comes along.

I’ve heard that 3–4 years is an optimal space between children. The older will take care of the younger with pride, and eventually, the younger will totally admire the older. Another advantage of a four year spacing is that it increases the chances of not having two children in college at the same time.

I don’t think people should take financial considerations into account when deciding on children. Love is the key. Everything else will take care of itself, if you have a loving family.

cak's avatar

3 years seems to be golden. My sister and I were 2 years apart and fought, all the time. Now, when things are good and the planets are aligned, we can get along – but sheesh..those were some tough years!

My children are 9 years apart, my daughter was an only for 9 years and it still shows. My son, while not an only child, has adopted some of those only traits. I feel bad, at times, that he will not have a younger brother or sister, we wanted to have another, but couldn’t.

Financially if you feel comfortable with your financial situation and your partner is fine with the big picture – and this is something you both want, why not? I can understand the hesitation, though.

Truly, this is something for you and your partner. Good luck!

rainsmoker's avatar

i guess our (i’m @everval’s husband) main concern here is actually, what you guys have been answering: time-spacing between them. we are pretty sure we DO want another kid ‘cause having siblings affects a great deal on one’s development and having family to count on is priceless. I guess @everval’s asking about global state of the world goes beyond financial matters. We’ve talked about overpopulation, hunger, war, and all the other things that are driving us to actual social insanity… is it selfish to bring ANOTHER human being into this world? should that matter?
Being kind of extreme: instead of having another kid, why don’t adopt and give love to someone that’s already here and that’s not getting any love at all? What do you guys think?

wundayatta's avatar

That, too, is really a very personal decision. Either course is fine, as far as I’m concerned. Adopted children can be just as loved as biological children. I wouldn’t adopt unless I felt that I loved the child the same. If there’s an inkling that you are adopting for some reason other than you want to be parents (such as we’re doing the world a favor), then I don’t think you should do it. Having children is about love, first and foremost, and I think it ought to be that way. If you want to have another child in your life because you have the love and care to provide that child, then it really doesn’t matter where the child comes from.

Of course, in reality, people do have other motives. I wanted biological children because I thought I’d understand them better. I’d know where various behaviors came from—boy is that true! So some people want to pass on their genes.

Some people want a helping hand. Some people want someone to care for them when they are older. Some people want someone to leave their wealth to, and to carry on the family name. There are many more motives, too.

I think that if you try to understand yourselves well, and what you want out of being parents, you’ll find the proper answer to this quesiton.

jasongarrett's avatar

Overpopulation and hunger are both local problems, not global ones. We’re still paying farmers not to grow food.

My first and third children are 32 months apart. They’re still young, but so far it’s worked out wonderfully.

rainsmoker's avatar

local problems? wow.
anyways, we are sure we want to have another kid. i know it’s priceless to see yourself in your children and the reasons for wanting a partner for our firstborn is that: we want him to have someone to play and grow with.
ideal spacing between them is really the point of this thread but still i thought was interesting to know what other people consider when taking decisions like this, we’re not deciding on what comes out of fluther obviously, it’s a matter of sharing toughts and experiences.

cak's avatar

@rainsmoker – we were truly hoping to adopt! That was the plan, after we found out I couldn’t have another child. However, I got very sick and after receiving an approval, it was rescinded. We are considering private adoption or foreign adoption, since a traditional adoption is now out of the question for us.

I think adoption is a very responsible way to approach overpopulation. It’s not for everyone, but it can be a wonderful solution.

jasongarrett's avatar

We can certainly help globally, but the problems are localized. Unless you are in an overcrowded underfed part of the world, your children are more likely to contribute to the solution than to the problem.

basp's avatar

Another word about spacing the age of your children…I had twins and I found that neither suffered from the lack of spacing years between their births. I think that more important than spacing is the way your family creates a productive unit.
And I agree with the above statement that children born today will likely be the solutions to many of the problems our generation will leave behind.

talltim236's avatar

i think you shouldnt be asking people on fluther its your life you choose

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

13 + 9 = 22 months ish. Two years apart in school. Possibly two in diapers, because it’s not fair to force potty training on the oldest to make up for it…

Can you afford it financially? Diapers for two, daycare for two, and eventually college for two at the same time?

skfinkel's avatar

A question that of course only you can answer for your family—about whether to have another child.

On spacing, I suspect it’s more how you and your partner deal with the older and the new baby that will determine how good friends they are. If you do decide to have a second child, whenever that might be, make sure not to suddenly drop all the attention the first has gotten—but continue to give him lots of love and time. He will see that the new child is not a threat to your love, and they most likely will be good friends.

wundayatta's avatar

Let me echo skfinkel’s post. As best we (me and my therapist) can tell, when my brother was born, my parents dropped all the attention I had been used to receiving, and focussed on my brother, who was not only a newborn, but sickly. They never came back to me after that—to this day, fifty years later.

He’s still sickly in a way. He has not nearly enough income to support himself. If they hadn’t bought him a building, he probably wouldn’t have a place to live.

Apparantly I’ve never been able to feel like I’m worth anything, since.

Please keep showering attention on your eldest, and let him experience (not just hear) that you love him.

augustlan's avatar

I’ve been thinking about this question for a while, and I just wanted to come back and tell you that I applaud both of you for thinking about all of these things prior to forging ahead. Too few parents give so much fore-thought. Having a child (1st or subsequent) is not a decision to be taken lightly. Whatever you decide, your child(ren) will be lucky to have you for parents.

Brebrerockstar's avatar

it really depends if you have the money. Or your age of course. Will the child have all the supplies?

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