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windex's avatar

Should you tell your significant other if someone touched you in your special no no place when you were little?

Asked by windex (2932points) December 31st, 2008
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

25 Answers

seekingwolf's avatar

If the incident in the past affected you a lot and still bothers you, then yes, I think you should tell him. Sexual trauma can affect you throughout your life and it’s serious. Since you and your SO may have a sex life, then you should tell him about past issues that may affect your sexual life now.

However, it was a simple accident, you don’t care anymore or you’ve totally moved on, then why bother?

bodyhead's avatar

I’m with seekingwolf. I don’t think I would tell them unless I (1) wanted to relive the event (2) knew that I would be with them forever (3) it affected our lives together.

Remember, when they don’t go out with you anymore they might write about it in their blog that they publish on the internet, myspace, etc.

AstroChuck's avatar

Special no-no place?

Jack79's avatar

yes, people who are that close should share everything. Having said that, there are some things that you might want to keep secret even from your best friend. It’s up to the individual I guess, but I’d tell.

bodyhead's avatar

Chuck, personally I call it my yes-yes place but it’s still invitation only.

loser's avatar

I’d say that depends on if you feel comfortable doing so. It could be a bonding sort of thing for you both. I’m sorry that happened to you. I know it can be very confusing for a child.

Jane_Ann_Deaux's avatar

While I would suggest sharing that with your SO, I also understand why you wouldn’t want to.

There are private, anonymous groups in which you could participate if you were in willing to share with your SO, but still needed to talk.

I’ve seen first-hand what something like this can do to a relationship. My parents were much better off after my mom told my father and received counseling. I do recomend getting help of some kind.

wundayatta's avatar

If it affects your psychology and behavior, and you want him to be able to understand you, it will help a lot if you tell him. It might also be a litmus test. He might not be able to handle it, and you might lose him. Still, would you want to be involved with a guy who couldn’t handle it?

bodyhead's avatar

I think Windex is a guy. That shouldn’t really affect yalls answers though.

galileogirl's avatar

I don’t know if you are ready to discuss it with anyone but a therapist if you are calling molestation “touching your no-no place”. Get some help and a mature understanding of what happened before opening up to a nonprofessional. You might be hurt if his reaction does not meet your expectations.

AstroChuck's avatar

Did you say discuss it with the rapist?

galileogirl's avatar

AstroChuck-go stand in the corner until you can act like a good boy.

AstroChuck's avatar

No, please. Not that long!

basp's avatar

I don’t think you have to tell your spouse everything especially if it is an event/experience that you have put behind you. But every circumstance is different and I think a lot would depend on age and time passed.

Aethelwine's avatar

Your spouse is supposed to be the one person you can confide in, absolutely share this information. I agree with loser, it could be a bonding moment between the two of you and help your spouse to understand you better.

AstroChuck's avatar

I thought that the fluther collective was who everyone should confide in.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I agree 100% with daloon. If this is something you have overcome, I don’t necessarily think you should tell your partner. But if this is something you still struggle with and it has shaped who you are today, sharing will only do good things, if your partner is the kind of partner they should be. You may not even realize it, but as daloon suggested, it might help bond you because it may be easier for your partner to understand certain aspects of your personality a lot better.

And if you do struggle with this still (as I think you probably do to some degree, otherwise this question probably wouldn’t have come up), give your partner the chance to help you. It will only bring you closer if your partner is a good person.

I wish you the best of luck.

scamp's avatar

If it affects your relationship, you should at least say something happened so your SO could understand, but I don’t think you should feel like you have to go into details unless you want to. Bear in mind if you tell even a little, there will be questions you may not want to answer, and that in itself could become a problem.

This is a very personal subject and it’s up to each individual to decide what is best for them. I don’t think there is an across the board answer to this question.

Knotmyday's avatar

I don’t think there is a hard-and-fast rule for this situation either.

I don’t know what the nature of your relationship is, but I would absolutely seek (competent) psychological counsel before making any kind of disclosure.

Forget about any of the stigma of seeing a therapist; you need the self-empowerment of learning to deal rationally with your anguish and confusion.

Make an appointment with a therapist. Please.

Aethelwine's avatar

I didn’t say your spouse is the “only” person you can confide in but if you can’t talk to your spouse the day will come when problems arise. Trust me, I know from experience. The second person/persons on the list of confidants should always be fluther. :)

Jeruba's avatar

I thought Windex might have been using a child’s language because it was the way some adult referred to it in a warning way when he or she was a child and not because it’s how he or she currently thinks of the private parts.

If it is still preying on your mind, @Windex, then I do think it ought to be among the personal things you disclose when you are close enough to somebody to be ready to do that. But, as others suggest, if you have come to terms with it and it is not currently an issue in your intimate relations, you might talk about it the way we generally tend to share bits of our history, just as things come up and not in some intense post-traumatic fashion.

Cardinal's avatar

No. Why dredge up old feelings and emotions?

mushisquishi's avatar

That depends on whether or not you’ve come to terms with it. If it caused you traumatic emotions and you haven’t dealt with them yet, it could be causing problems in your intimate relationship. I suggest seeing how you feel about it first, and where you are in your healing process, before you tell your significant other.

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