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Kay's avatar

What do you do when everyone ignores your 25th birthday?

Asked by Kay (1608points) January 14th, 2009

My mom committed suicide when I was 20 and I’m not super close to my family right now and I just feel like everyone ignored 25th birthday. The only thing my friends really did was write “Happy Birthday!” on my facebook wall and my family didn’t even really acknowledge it. I’m just sick of people asking about what I did for my birthday and having to make up something so they won’t feel bad. I guess I’m just tired of faking being ok with my birthday being just another day.

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25 Answers

tennesseejac's avatar

I would probably go out and have a drink, even if it was a drink alone…It does suck for those people that have birthday’s this close to Christmas and the NY, because they sometimes get overlooked, but its not OK. Don’t make up anything, go out and celebrate your birthday!! Who knows, you could meet some new friends that will actually take you out for your 26th!!!!!

by the way…. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

@kay, happy birthday!!

jdogg's avatar

Buy yourself something nice

tennesseejac's avatar

“birthday blunt” for Kay??

jdogg's avatar

Happy birthday!!!

tinyfaery's avatar

Well, you’ll just stay bitter if you don’t express yourself. It seems like you’re hurt, and your hurt has turned to animosity. If you told people not to make a deal about your birthday then you really can’t complain, but if not, then tell the people that hurt you what they did.

Did you buy yourself a present? Did you get yourself a cake? If not, do it. You can celebrate yourself.

Oh, and Happy B-day!!!! Now your car insurance will go down.

jrpowell's avatar

3 years ago my sister threw me a surprise party for my birthday. And it was a surprise. It was on October 26, my b-bay is Sept 26. Nobody noticed. That is life, everyone still loves you, they just simply forgot.

Likeradar's avatar

Sorry you didn’t have a good birthday. :(

Did you ask anyone to do anything with you on your special day? Maybe your friends figured you had other plans if you didn’t suggest anything. I know in my group of friends, the bday person is the one who generally says “hey, let’s go to ____ for dinner on Friday for my birthday” or whatever. Perhaps you can consider that for next year.

Happy birthday! Do something nice for yourself.

superdan's avatar

just because your friends dont throw a party for you it doesn’t mean they don’t care.

it is socially acceptable to plan your own party. Call your close friends and text the rest. just a small dinner with my closest pals is all i ever want.

Jeruba's avatar

I had a couple of birthdays, @Kay, that were real disappointments, and it wasn’t particularly okay with me. So here is a sympathetic hug, gift-wrapped. Itr’s hard not to nurse your hurt and get a chip on your shoulder about future birthdays, but you can do it, and you’ll have to for the sake of a happier next time.

Your question was “What do you do?” Here’s what I think. There’s not much you can do about the birthday just past. But you can promise yourself you’ll have a better 26th That can happen in one of several ways:

1. You make the plans and invite people. Don’t lie about whether it matters to you or not.
2. Make sure you don’t forget any birthdays this year (family too), and don’t let Facebook substitute for real contact. Say, “Birthdays are really special to me, and I want to make sure they’re not forgotten.”
3. Tell them how you feel. Let friends and family—yes, family too, or the one relative you’re closest to—know that you felt let down.
4. Duck the whole question. Plan a nice getaway for yourself at that time next year, and just disappear for a few days.

Which you do depends on the results you want.

Triozoo's avatar

You can’t always “expect” everything or you’ll be disappointed half the time.
Hopefully you get the chance to see the unexpected <—

superdan's avatar

Triozoo… you are awesome!

tinyfaery's avatar

Lurve to Triozoo.

jrpowell's avatar

Holy crap Triozoo, that is Chuck Norris kinds of awesome.

Jeruba's avatar

Fabuluous, @Triozoo. Lurve to you.

cak's avatar

Triozoo – you ROCK!! Major lurve to you!!

Happy Birthday Kay!!!

The_Inquisitor's avatar

Wow triozoo. lol. i lurved you, then looked at the pic, and wanted to lurve you again. :P

Likeradar's avatar

Awww, that made my night just to know someone would do that for someone (I assume) they’ve never met in person. Yay Triozoo!

madcapper's avatar

Hey todays my 24th and no one really gives shit either haha so don’t feel bad! Happy Birthday!!!

galileogirl's avatar

How do people you meet as an adult know its your birthday? I don’t think I know the birthday of anyone outside my family whose birthday I know and my birthdate has never been the subject of a conversation.

I always buy myself something special on my birthday, in 2008 it was a Kindle. but I can’t see mt birtday warranting a major celebration.

In 2005 I was in the hospital on my birthday. The hospital volunteers evidently had access to that information because they dropped in with a little gift, It turned out my roommate’s birthday was the day before. People kept wishing us Happy Birthday and their was cake (unfrosted) for dinner. At first I was kind of embarrassed by the response of near stranger but then I realized everybody was enjoying the little break from hospital routine.

cyndyh's avatar

@galileogirl: I think you’re right. I don’t know most people’s birthdays unless I’ve known them for a long time. If the b-day person or the SO of the b-day person invites me to a party I try to remember to write it down for the next year. But if no one tells me, I don’t know.

@Kay: “Do something to treat yourself” is great advice. It can be big or small, but just something to commemorate the day is good. Start by giving yourself time to think about what would make the day special for you. Often for me it’s not a thing I get myself but something I take the day to do. You can take a ride out to one of your favorite views or take yourself to lunch or go for a long walk or bike ride. Or you can invite a friend along to movie and beer.

Part of what’s happening is that around 25 or so, a lot of people start celebrating smaller or only really do the day up big for the milestone birthdays (30, 35, 40, 50,...). And part of the issue is that not everyone wants the same sorts of things that they did when they were younger. So, even if people know your birthday, they don’t know if you want a party or not. They may not know what to get you anymore or if you want it to be just any ordinary day. There are a whole host of reasons that may play a part in your family not doing anything for it. I’d say to talk with them about it and be willing to try to cut them a little slack.

Have a Happy Birthday, Kay.

@Triozoo: You do, in fact, rock. :^>

Judi's avatar

@Kay;
I’m so sorry about all this. I think the worst part is that it sounds like you really miss your Mom. She is the one person who would never forget your birthday. I don’t really have a great and wonderful answer for your pain, but I wish I could give you a big hug. ((Kay)) My kids lost their dad the same way (when they were much younger than you) and my heart aches for you.
I hope you work things out with your family. Life is so much easier when you have an anchor. Give yourself a little love. Go get a massage or a pedicure, and Happy Birthday.

flameboi's avatar

@Kay
Most of my friends ignored my bday, I know how you feel about it and I don’t really… I’m trying to pretend it never happened
I’m sorry for your loss…
Let’s celebrate our bdays together :p

cyndyh's avatar

I think another thing that may be happening is that traditionally moms tend to be the keepers of the calendar and general links between different people in different branches of families. If mom was the one who kept track of birthdays and sending holiday cards and things like that and suddenly mom’s not there then there’s a two-fold loss. Every person at every end of those links suffers from both her absence itself and also from the absence of that linking role she played. If no one has stepped into that role now that she’s gone they may just not be aware of all she did and have no idea how to be a family without her in it. I think (depending on the specifics of your situation) that’s why cutting a little slack may be in order.

Did you do anything to make the day special?

maybe_KB's avatar

Hold your head up.
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