General Question

cyndyh's avatar

Do you do anything differently when your significant other is out of town for more than a few days?

Asked by cyndyh (7588points) January 17th, 2009

Is it hard to get to sleep? Do you catch yourself about to talk to them when they aren’t there? Do you plan to do things alone that are different or special or do you keep your routine as normal as possible? Do you feel a bit overwhelmed with missing them or does everything feel normal or does it only hit you at certain times of day? Is it easier if you’re the one out of town and your SO is home? For those of you who have been in a relationship for a long time, is this significantly different for you now than it was when you were a younger couple or newer couple?

I know that’s a whole lot of questions, but it’s really a lot of the same tangle of an idea so feel free to answer in whole or in part. Thanks.

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25 Answers

exitnirvana's avatar

I’m in a long distance relationship and have been for quite a few years now and it seems that even now (5+ years in) that it doesn’t get any easier. My normal routine continues, I’m a full-time student and therefore it must, but I always am thinking about my SO wondering what he’s doing while I’m sitting there thinking about him and whatnot. It’s all rather sappy, but that’s a relationship at times :)

As far as the more specific questions are concerned sleeping can be an issue, typically when we’re not together I sleep horribly or its just not as fulfilling as it would be sharing a bed rather than being alone. Mind you, the stretching out part is great but I’ll take a good cuddle first. Things most certainly don’t feel normal, it’s as if something is missing throughout the day, the exasperation of going home to an empty house…egh, no fun. But other than that, looking forward to the phone ringing or finally getting to see each other is definitely worth it after the waiting period is over :D

tennesseejac's avatar

I like me some me time. Or catching up with the guys…

Cheesy as it may sound the time apart tended to make for a stronger relationship. When she would leave it was kind of a trust builder, for me anyways in my so called pre-thirty love escapades. I never officially lived with any girlfriends and would always find myself in her bed, at her house while she was away…. for many reasons, but mainly her scent that waited on her pillow.

I’m single now and it’s like she is still away, whoever she may be.

cyndyh's avatar

You guys are great. Thanks for answering. As you can probably tell my fella’s out of town. I am enjoying the me time and the complete lack of a schedule right now. I usually gear meal time for when we’re both hungry. Usually even if I’m out doing things on my own, I’m back home for the end of his day.

For most of the day while he’s gone I’m fine and enjoying the house to myself or out enjoying things I like. It’s hitting me how far away he is at dinner (when I’m not sitting with him comparing notes on our days) and at bedtime (when I’m suddenly not talking with him about plans for tomorrow and relaxing).

So, I’m having odd mixed feelings because I miss him a lot sometimes, but I’m also enjoying the time apart. I almost feel guilty when I don’t miss him. Is that odd?

tennesseejac's avatar

@cyndyh :
There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known.
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.
It’s easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love.

i dont think its odd

cyndyh's avatar

Thanks, dude. At least you didn’t launch into Wind Beneath My Wings. :^> The Beatles are definitely quote-worthy.

qualitycontrol's avatar

I usually just bang the neighbor. Jk I don’t live with my girlfriend so every day seems like she’s away ;(

cyndyh's avatar

I was wondering how many spots down before I got someone telling me that. :^> I have no desire to bang anyone but my own fella. But I miss a lot more about him than that.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

My husband has traveled 3–4 days a week for 3 weeks of each month for the last 16 years. I didn’t sleep well at first, but got used to it. Our daughters were 5 and 3 when he took this job. Traveling so much is stressful for him. When he was home, he would go into his office and shut the door and read, or listen to music. The children could always knock in his door and go in to talk with him, and if I needed him to do something that I couldn’t, he would come out and do it. Other than that, we would not see much of him unless he decided to read in the living room instead of his office. For the last three years, he’s been playing tennis and hanging out with his friends on Friday nights, sleeping in until mid-afternoon on Saturdays, and going to church and brunch and playing more tennis on Sundays.

Even though this has turned out to not really be an answer to the question, it’s been helpful for me to write it.

wundayatta's avatar

Meal times tend to get a little…. flexible. The kids don’t seem to mind. We might go to a restaurant instead of me cooking. Tonight, we might even go to a concert (she has to go take care of her mom). I get to fluther without guilt. At night I might call a few friends (somehow things are much busier when she’s around, and I don’t mean that kind of busy).

cage's avatar

I don’t have sex as much, and I masturbate more…

syz's avatar

I turn into a lazy slob and then run around like a crazy person cleaning up before she gets home.

janbb's avatar

Our joke is that I get takeout Chinese food when he’s out of town (a real treat). I also tend to eat earlier and get in to bed with a book around 9:30. I usually enjoy the time alone if it’s for a few days. The one bad thing is going up the stairs to go to bed, I always feel there might be someone behind me. Ocasionally, I get creeped out in bed but usually I love being able to stretch out and have it all to myself.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

When I was in a long distance relationship, everything would be normal on a day to day basis until I saw him, usually for multiple days in a row. After we parted ways, each time I went through a period of intense sadness, and I would spend at least a day depressed, crying, in bed, etc. He was never that upset, but it took a lot for him to show emotion. It would take a couple days, even a week sometimes, but I’d fall back into routine and go about my business. We’ve since broken up, and that was another thing that changed significantly, not talking to him on a daily basis anymore, but I’ve adjusted. I still miss him a great deal – we talk, but only a few times a month – but I still want to call him whenever something significant happens to me. Habits like that are hard to break.

cyndyh's avatar

So far we’ve been writing really long emails at the end of our days and that helps some, but it sure isn’t the same as having him here.

Thanks again to all of you.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

Calling (if possible) > emailing. The more personable, the better.

cyndyh's avatar

Yep, it’s just that he’s in Australia so calling is a lot more expensive, and we can’t do that every day.

jessturtle23's avatar

My man is gone for two months and I have been bummed. I try to keep busy and find something to do and stay away from the tv and computer.

cyndyh's avatar

I have been doing a lot of that, but I end up back at the computer when I’m wiped out. :^>

TitsMcGhee's avatar

@cyndyh: Oh, well, okay, good point. Can you possibly video chat?

cyndyh's avatar

I’m not set up to do that right now, but I think I will be before his next trip. His sister was staying in contact with her fella, so he got to see Skype in action. That sounds pretty cool.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

I just use ichat and facebook video messages.

Knotmyday's avatar

I do kind of enjoy the time alone, at least during the day. I watch my movies- the ones she doesn’t enjoy, like Ronin, Reservoir Dogs, Dune, and the rest; pour myself some good dark beer (which she also doesn’t enjoy) and play the guitar really loud and sing really badly.
Then I go to bed, stretch out, and realize how much I miss her.

cyndyh's avatar

@TitsMcGhee: Yeah, I don’t actually have a camera yet. I just never had call for one yet. So, I think that’s gonna have to wait a while.

@Knotmyday: That sounds something like what I’ve been doing except I play the guitar really badly and sing really loudly. :^> Ok, my guitar playing isn’t that bad, but my singing is much better.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

It’s definitely worth it when you’re long distance for awhile, wink wink, wink wink.

cyndyh's avatar

I hear you. :^>

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