General Question

cordovanessa's avatar

What is the funniest pickup line that you have ever heard?

Asked by cordovanessa (83points) January 22nd, 2009

i think its pretty self explanitory

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

46 Answers

Blondesjon's avatar

Baby, that ass must be an onion, ‘cuz it’s bringin’ tears to my eyes.

aprilsimnel's avatar

“Do you have a little Irish in you?”

I’m 1/8, so I said, “Yeah.”

You should’ve seen the guy’s face.

tennesseejac's avatar

Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?

omfgTALIjustIMDu's avatar

Lots of answers here, here, and here.

tennesseejac's avatar

You’re like a prize winning fish. I dont know whether to eat you or mount you.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everybody we did it anyway.

PupnTaco's avatar

(Asking confused, with two fingers limply extended towards the girl’s face):

“What does this smell like to you?”

Allie's avatar

O.o Most of these are not PG-13… I like.

Edit: Oh my goodness.. I read PnT’s as “Why does this smell like you?” Ick.. sorry.

wundayatta's avatar

Are these lines people have actually used or seen used, or is this just joke time?

superdan's avatar

its joke time :)

hey do you want to come over to my place and watch some porn?

Blondesjon's avatar

Are your parents retarded? ‘Cuz they had themselves one special little girl.

tennesseejac's avatar

Sit on my face and I’ll guess your weight.

baterpark91's avatar

guy smacks his phone..

“There is something wrong with my cell phone!”

girl asks, “Whats that..”

“Your number isn’t in it!”

i’ve never tried it..ya think it would work?

aprilsimnel's avatar

@daloon – I got that line from a guy in a bar when I was in college.

basp's avatar

When we were younger husband and I worked together at a business we owned. Sometimes because of our hours we drove two cars to work. One afternoon we happened to be leaving at about the same time in different cars and both pulled into the same gas station. Back in those days there was an attendant who filled up your gas. As my husband handed him the credit card he told him to charge my purchase too. The young man was pumping while husband came to my window and we chatted a minute. As husband walked back to his car he called out, “see you for dinner” and I drove off. The young man (who had no idea we were married) turns to my husband and says, “I gotta try that sometime! I never get a date that easy!”

Blondesjon's avatar

[points at crotch] It ain’t gonna suck itself.

aprilsimnel's avatar

@baspI would send that to Readers’ Digest and get $50 if I were you!

Judi's avatar

The funniest line I ever got was ‘My wife doesn’t understand me.” I couldn’t stop laughing it was so cliche!

TheBox193's avatar

I’m just going to post this funny list of nerdy pickup lines I found on facebook:
Source

1. You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!

2. I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves

3. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

4. If i was an enzyme, i’d be helicase so i could unzip your genes

5. I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

6. Baby, you overclock my processor.

7. Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.

8. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive

9. You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers

10.You defragment my life

11. Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network sharing?

12. You must be auxin, cuz u r causing me to have rapid stem elongation.

13. Baby, let me find your nth term

14. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

15. Baby i’ll treat you like my hw- I’ll slam you on the table and do you all night long

16. Hey baby, can i see what’s under your radical?

17. If I were an integral, I’d fill you up.

18. You must be calcium bicarbonate, because if you let me get you wet, then the reaction will be explosive.

19. I think my heart just lagged.

20. I wish I were your second derivative so i could fill your concavities.

21. did you just combust?? Because you’re HOT!

22. By looking at you I can tell you’re 36–25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.

23. It doesn’t take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I would be overqualified.

24. Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!

25. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply

26. Baby, you’re a 9.999999999…but you’d be a 10 if you were with me.

27. Baby, everytime i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up

28. I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.

29. What’s your sine? The sine^(-1) of you must be pi/2 cause you’re the one

30. If my right leg was christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to spend some time between the holidays?

31. You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle.

32. Your so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. (Muscles that make you smile)

33. When you and me get together it’s like superposition of 2 waves in phase.

34. Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?

35. If I was sin^2 theta and you were cos^2 theta together we would be 1

36. You know.. it’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how you apply the force

37. If I move my lips half the distance to yours… and then half again… and again… etc…. would they ever meet? no? Well in this specific case i am going to disprove your assumption.

38. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!

39. If i was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?

40. I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.

41. If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?

42. Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it

43. Lets meet somewhere… you bring your beaker and I’ll bring my stirring rod

44. Baby let me be your integral so I can be the area under your curves

45. Hey baby, what’s your tanx cosx?

46. Lets get together and test the spring potential of my matress

47. Let’s discover our coefficient of friction

48. Baby, you’re so gneiss I’ll never take you for granite.

49. I less than three you….. (i < 3 you)

50. I heard you’re sin because you’re always on top when we make tangent

51. You be Flourine and I’ll be Francium and maybe later I can give you an electron

52. My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you

53. Whoops, I think my binomials just expanded

54. I must be the Sun and you must be Earth, cause the closer we get, the hotter you become.

55. Baby I wish I could live on a [integral of 1/cabin d cabin] with you.

56. Excuse me, ma’am, but can I get your seven significant digits?

57. I’m overheating because you’re stuck in my head like an infinite loop.

58. You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond!

59. Baby if you let your acid react with my base, you can count on getting 100 MOLES of my water and salt

60. *i’ll be the one over your cosx an baby, we can have secx!

61. Would you like to enjoy my laptop, I promise I don’t have any viruses…

62. i’m relativistic: the faster I go, the longer I last.

63. That dress would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s/s

64. I’m a star. Wanna taste the Milky Way?

65. I’m attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.

66. YouTube Myspace and I’ll Google your Yahoo

67. I wanna stick to u like glue-cose

68. Baby, I can feel an attraction between you and me, and it’s more than just our universal gravitation…

69. I’ll “eye” your pod! ;)

70. B equals T x N. I think you and I should study the T and N planes in depth

T and N = osculating plane, which literally means the ‘kissing’ plane.

71. If I could rearrange the periodic table, I’d put Uranium and Iodine together.

(Uraniums symbol is U
and Iodines symbol is I)

72. Baby, we’ve got chemistry together… next period.

73. At absolute zero, you would still move me.

74. Hey baby, your Body and Love waves are rocking my bedding

75. How about we make like the change of base law, with you on the bottom, and me on top?

76. Baby if you were a 6 I would want to be your (reflection about the x-axis + then reflection about the y-axis)—>9

77. Hey baby if i supply the voltage and you a little resistance, imagine the current we can make together. (V=IR => (V/R)=I)

78. Baby stop with diet coke, you’ve got plenty of ASSpertame

79. Yo baby, you want to see me solve a quadratic?

80. Baby, lim (u->me) ∫ e^x = f(u)^n.

81. On a scale of 1–10, you’re a solid e to the power of pi

82. I think that convex butts are ALWAYS better than concave butts..you look toned

83. I wish I was your secant line so I could touch you in at least two places!

84. Baby ill be your asymptotes so i can shape your curves…

85. Would you like to see the exponential growth of my natural log?

86. If you were a graphics calculator, i’d look at your curves all day long!

87. Question: Wanna integrate my natural log?
Answer: I’ll have to be one over first…

88. hey girl, let’s get together and figure out our heat of fusion

89. it’s a good thing you’ve got evaporative cooling, cause i’m gonna make you sweat

90. hey baby, lets figure out the torque of your mass on my rod

91. baby i just drew a pic of you on my ti83 but ur sooo hot my screen melted

92. The way the light reflects off the angles of your head is extremely enchanting.

93. in Old English:
Ich grethe Þae, maec Cwen.

(I greet you, my Queen)

94.I don’t know if you’re in my range, but I’d sure like to take you home to my domain.

95. Hey baby. Want to squeeze my theorem while I poly your nomial?

96. Hey baby, I’m like a rubix cube. THe more you play with me, the harder I get.

97. You’re so hot, you must be the cause for global warming.

98. Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity or time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.

99. Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen.”

100. I hope you know set theory because I want to intersect you and union you.

101. You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.

102. Can I be the phasor to your electron and take you to an excited state?

103. Let’s make like a transcription factor and response element and turn things on.

104. If I were a Shwann cell, I’d squeeze areound your axon and give you a fast action potential.

105. You must be an asymptote, because I just find myself getting closer and closer to you.

106. You’re as sweet at 3.14.

107. You must be massive because I’m attracted to you.

108. I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address to your home page!

109. You fascinate me more than the fundamental theorem of calculus.

110. My love for you is like a concave function’s positive first derivative, because it’s always increasing.

111. Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.

112. Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you?

113. You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

114. Baby, together U and I make uranium iodide (UI3)

115. If I were an assembly language, I’d jump to your address, shift right a bit, push it in, pop it out, load a byte into your accumulator, then jump if you’re negative.

116. In Euclidean geometry two parallel lines never touch… let’s go back to my place and study some non-Euclidean geometry.

117. My vector has a really large magnitude. Would you care to normalize it?

118. Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF. All my base are belong to you.

119. I 1-sin(theta) you.

120. You and I must have the same natural frequency, because we resonate together.

121. The surface of my cylinder is not a compact metric space.

122. Most women are so complex. They’re always like “i! i! i!” But you – you’re just so real. (Note: i! does not mean i factorial.)

123. My love for you is like the slope of a concave up function because it’s always increasing.

124. Can I plug my solution into your equation?

125. The volume of a general cylinder was known for thousands of years, but you won

126. i want to go through your every procedure, Do your Loops, and program your Booleans

127. I wish I were a predicate so I could be the direct object of your affection.

128. I think if you and i had Hex we’d be a perfect OA

129. Can I bombard your singularity with my rocket ship until you supernova?

130. you are the log(base 10) 10^1…

131. Let’s work out our orbicularis oris muscles together!
*orbicularis oris = kissing muscles

132. I’ve been secant you for a long time

133. The direction fields of my heart all point to you

134. Want to be my substrate/enzyme?

135. You have 206 bones in your body… want one more?

136. Chem students do it on the table periodically

137. If you let me work hard enough, I can give you a dipole moment

138. I love you like an unspoken metaphor. That’s why I had to use a simile.

139. Instead of being the derivative, id much rather be the secant so i can touch u not only once, but twice

140. Lets make love like pi; irrational and never ending

141. baby lets measure the amplitude of our physical wave

142. baby you’re the basis of my mind. no matter what i think of, it all comes back to you

143. Maybe later we can go over to my place and titrate until you reach your end-point…

144. Baby, you must be a start codon because you are turning me on.

145. Wanna alkylate my alkoxide? It’s nucleophilic and ready to backside attack the halogen out of you.

146. The word of the day is “Legs”, lets go back to my place and spread the word

147. Baby, you must be a pile of dinosaur bones, cause I dig you!

148. Baby, you’re body is like a hyperbola

149. Baby, you’re like a pendulum… you’ll only stop when I damp you

150. Are you the square root of 2? because I feel irrational when I’m around you

151. Being with you is like switching to polar coordinates: complex and imaginary things now have a magnitude and direction.

152. Our love is more perfect than 6.
(Six is the first perfect number)

153. You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime

154. Baby you must be a modulus sign, ‘cos whenever you wrap your arms round me i always feel positive!

155. Baby, I’m like an oceanic plate on a gravity slide – I can’t wait to subduct beneath your crust!

156. You’re so hot you denature my proteins

157. Baby you know this shit isn’t USB2.0..it’s firewire!

158. Let’s just cut to the chase, I wanna hotsync your PDA.

159. Nobody turns me on from a cold boot like you.

160. Don’t worry honey, they call it my dual-channel RAM.

161. If you were Anatomy, then I’d be Physiology because they always go together!

162. Want to make the Cold War hot?

163. My court packing plan isn’t my only packing plan…

164. Want to play War of 1812? I’ll light your White House on fire…

165. There’s a reason they say I started the Era of Good Feelings…

166. Can I annex your territory after class?

167. Do you want to help me with my project on the tit- I’m sorry, TET Offensive?

168. I’ll be your Secretary of the Interior…

169. I bet if Jefferson had met you, he would have vetoed the Non-Intercourse Act.

170. Want to go back to my place and discuss Big Stick Diplomacy?

171. Want to reenact the Battle of the Bulge?

173. Hey, up for some high-energy quantum tunnelling tonight?

174. If you were a concentration gradient I’d go down on you

175. Girl whenever I am near you, I undergo anaerobic respiration because you take my breath away

176. If you were C6, and i were H12, all we would need is the air we breathe to be sweeter than sugar…

177. we’ve been differentiating for too long, lets sum it up and integrate

178. you and i add up better than a riemann sum

179. my love for you is a monotonically increasing unbounded function

180. Your beauty defies real and complex analysis.

181. Your hottness is the only reason we can’t reach absolute zero.

182. I use my rod of infinite length for more than just simplifying calculations…

183. You must be a magnetic monopole because all i get from you is attraction

184. My love for you is like pi, it’s never-ending.

185. I wish we were in telophase, cause then I could admire your cleavage.”

186. Let’s make our slopes zero (slope of zero means horizontal => bed)

187. baby you must be O2 cuz i m about to combust all over you

188. I just bought a molecular model kit, want to play with my stick and balls?

189.√-1) 2–2sinθ ∫du
√-1) = i
2–2sinθ = cardiod graph (heart)
∫du = u

190. Forget hydrogen you’re my number one element

191. You’re cute, I’m cute, together we’re 2cute!

192. you are like a proton in my core—without you i could never be the same.

193. Hey baby, wanna form a synapse with me and exchange neurotransmitters?

194. Baby, if you were oceanic crust and I was a continent, I’d let you subduct so we can make hot hot magma.

195. I do believe I am your reciprocal; we will be one when we multiply.

196. Hey baby, wanna form a zygote?

197. If I’m the Riemann zeta function, you must be s=1.

198. You’re a moving electric charge, and I’m a moving magnetic charge… Wanna flux?

199. If I toss a fair coin, what are my chances of getting head?

200. hey baby, do you need an anatomy tutor? They say i’m the best because i prefer to use a more HANDS-ON approach.

201. Baby, if they made you in Java, you’d be the object of my desire.

202. Baby, if they made you in C, you would have a pointer to my heart.

203. Baby, if they made you in Haskell, it would infer that you were just my type.

204. You’re like a Universal Turing Machine; you’re the only one that I’ll ever need.

205. Like a quantum computation, our paths are entangled.

206. You’re like an NP-hard problem of significant size; I could spend the rest of my life with you.

207. If I could program the universe, I would allocate you and I in contiguous memory blocks.

208. If I was an operating system, your process would have top priority.

209. Like a graph with n^2 edges, you complete me.

210. Are you a non volitaile particle? Because you raise my boiling point.

211. If I went binary, you would be the 1 for me.

212. my hypothalamus must be secreting serotonin because baby, i want you!

213. i’m sine and you’re cosine, wanna make like a tangent?

214. I sure hope our coefficient of restitution is 0, ‘cos when we make contact i never want to part!

215. My love is like communism; everyone gets a share, and it’s only good in theory.

216. You + Me = The number of sides in a Mobius Strip

217. Hey baby, let’s make a stress-strain curve together.

218. I don’t need neurons to stimulate your sensory system.

219. Let ‘u’ and ‘i’ be irrational integers such that a real non-monotonic relationship exists for all T = {0… infinity}

220. you must be absolute, because every time you’re around me, i feel positive

221. Hey baby, can I be your enzyme? because my active site is dying for a chemical reaction.

222. Why don’t you remove those barriers to imports? It will ease my inflation and the benefits will trickle down.

223. how about you Palmitoylate my protein, so i can drive it into your lipid raft.

224. baby, i’m gonna break you like a large non-polar substance breaks a phospholipid bilayer!

225. what say we slip between my beta-pleated sheets and you get to know my alpha-helix?

226. i couldn’t help but notice your impressive cleavage furrow…

227. let’s exchange plasmids – my pilus is huge.

228. baby, if you let me pump my H+ ions into your intermembrane space, it would induce a massive conformational change in my f1 complex.

229. Baby, if you were oceanic crust and I was a continent, I’d let you subduct so we can make hot hot magma.

230. Hey baby, let’s vasodiolate!

231. I’d be the photon to your electron and take you to an excited state.

232. You must be sin squared, because I’m cosin squared and together we equal one.

233. Baby can u oil up my geering system while I use my rack-and-pinion steering?

234. Hey baby, I’m a power source, and you’re the kind of resistor i’d like to deliver my load to.

235. Baby, let’s configure our hard drives in master and slave position.

236. Hey baby, lets turn off our firewalls and connect our Ethernet cable.

237. Babe, you take the ‘C’ out of sec(xy)

aidje's avatar

I think @TheBox193 broke the thread.

Allie's avatar

@tennesseejac and @aidje : There are some really good ones in there. And yes, I read them all.
@TheBox193 : Good answer.

aidje's avatar

@Allie I started, but then I realized how long this list was and how sparse the “good ones” were.

Aethelwine's avatar

@TheBox193 it’s not a contest ;) ‘A’ for effort though.

tennesseejac's avatar

@Allie good ones? really? like which ones? and remember the original question said “funniest”

Aethelwine's avatar

@tennesseejac I’d have to say that you and blondesjon get the ‘A’ for content! :)

TheBox193's avatar

@tennesseejac @aidje @jonsblond Never said it was a contest, thought you all would like it, jeepers, bight a fellas head off, sorry I didn’t mean to break anything -_ -

I would remove it if I could

aidje's avatar

@TheBox193 – No worries. I just in shock, that’s all. That’s no moon.

Allie's avatar

@tennesseejac Here’s some of the ones I liked from @TheBox193‘s answer to name a few:

8. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive
106. You’re as sweet at 3.14. (That’s just really freaking cute!)
136. Chem students do it on the table periodically
146. The word of the day is “Legs”, lets go back to my place and spread the word
188. I just bought a molecular model kit, want to play with my stick and balls?
199. If I toss a fair coin, what are my chances of getting head?

Aethelwine's avatar

@TheBox193 It’s all good. I did give you an ‘A’ for effort! :)

saranwrapper's avatar

“Wow, I’ve got an erection.” I swear some guy once walked up to me and said that. I laughed and let him buy me a drink.

imhellokitty's avatar

“hey, this mustahe leaves at 9:00, be on it”.

Grisson's avatar

At party my freshman year I overheard a guy say to a girl, “So, what do you think of Richard Nixon.”. Funny. Not effective, but funny.

nebule's avatar

The best chat up line I’ve ever seen/heard is at the beginning of “When a man loves a woman” with Andy Garcia (dreamy) and Meg Ryan.

I would fall to my knees if a man did that to me….

oh if there’s a God

waterskier2007's avatar

NSFW

“you look like you are in good shape. do you enjoy fitness. what about fitness dick in your mouth”

“what’s the difference between jelly and jam….. well im not about to jelly my dick in your ass later tonight”

Foolaholic's avatar

My friends and I were at Radio Shack because we needed to return some stuff. My buddy is cashing out, and having a conversation with the female cashier. She compliments his shirt and he makes a joke. She giggles and hands him the receipt. He looks at it for a moment, then looks up and says, “Excuse me, but I think you forgot to write your number on here.”

It would’ve been one of the greatest things I’ve ever experienced, except she had a boyfriend already.

Milladyret's avatar

Said to a really curvy girl:
‘So you like gravy?’

sakura's avatar

Bloke: yours eyes are like spanners,
Me: I beg your pardon?
Bloke: Your eyes are like spanners,
Me: What do you mean?
Bloke: Well they’re certinly tightening my nuts!

beatthelastboss's avatar

My corniest pickup line is really the oldest one in the book:

“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together”

;)

Sariperana's avatar

GUY: Can i have your number?
GIRL: Its in the phone book…
GUY: Well then whats your name?
GIRL: Thats in there too… ;)

wilbert's avatar

I have to laugh at this as once, one of my friends worked with this big Sweedish Chef and he wondered how to meet girls. So as a joke he told him to say things, like what is a nice girl doing in a place like this and so on. Thinking he was pulling a joke on him. The next day at work, the guy was so grateful, said, thank you it really worked. My freind was shocked. guess the girls just liked the way he looked. LOL.

CatLover002's avatar

“Women are trouble, good thing I like getting into trouble”

ladyv900's avatar

I heard and watched this on Youtube last night, I thought it was totally funny in my opinion.
“Damn, girl your weave smells mad good”, “Have you every heard of Target, Targe, that’s French something sexy”.

Baddreamer27's avatar

Not that its a pick up line, but at my first duty station, I soon learned the true meaning of, “Do you want to come over to my barracks room and watch a movie”

kaciepaxton's avatar

Awesome collection must i loved the big list thanks :)

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