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KatawaGrey's avatar

How do I ask this guy to hang out?

Asked by KatawaGrey (21464points) February 10th, 2009

A few years ago, I worked at a Walgreen’s near my house for the summer and haven’t worked there since. Because it is so close, I go there a fair amount. There is a guy still working there, not much older than I am, who I always got along with when I was working there and who I still get along with. Whenever I go in, we have pleasant conversations but they always have to be short because he’s working and I have to leave. My question is how do I ask him to hang out without making it seem as if I am romantically interested? Right now, we have no way of getting in contact with each other aside from when I go into Walgreen’s and he happens to be there.

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12 Answers

Aethelwine's avatar

In your conversations, do you discuss common interests? You might suggest doing one of those sometime. You could also ask if he’d like to go to lunch someday. Just go for it, the worst thing he could do is say no, then you’ll have to find a new Walgreen to shop at. :)

dynamicduo's avatar

You could casually say at the end of one of your conversations, “I know you’re busy so I’ll run off, but I’d really like to hang out sometime so we can have an actual discussion. Do you want to go for coffee sometime?” To take pressure off, or if he’s a shy guy, you can include “Let me know sometime” at the end, smile, say bye and leave. That way he’s not pressured to give you an answer immediately. The next time you come in, he may give you an explicit answer, or you can interpret his body language to figure out how he feels. In general though this is a very casual approach to a hanging out.

marinelife's avatar

Yes, to all these wise ideas above. Just ask. The worst thing that can happen is he says no, but thanks. (Then you can go to another Walgreen’s) :)

wundayatta's avatar

I think she also has to exchange numbers at that time. I guess, if you do it in a business-like way, he won’t get the wrong message.

tb1570's avatar

So, just to be clear, you are not romantically interested? What’re your reasons for wanting to hang out? If you’re genuinely only interested in being friends, then something like “Listen, dude, I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now or trying to stalk on you or anything, but I’ve always enjoyed talking with you and I’m always up for making new friends; so what say we hang out sometime?” should be just fine.
If you’re really not romantically interested, then a clear, honest, direct approach with a little bit of humor tossed in should be all that’s needed.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@tb1570: The point is I don’t want to come out and say bluntly, “I don’t want to date you, but I want to hang out with you.” I think daloon’s idea has the most merit. Since it wouldn’t be a date type thing, if he couldn’t/didn’t want to hang out, I wouldn’t have to stop going to the walgreen’s (I already deal with some awkwardness from other employees who I worked with and who don’t even act like they know me). I’m thinking something like, “I gotta run, but we need to get together sometime to do some hanging out,” and then passing along the number. I don’t think that could be misconstrued too horribly, could it?

tb1570's avatar

@KatawaGrey Problem is, in my humble opinion, in this day & age, “hang out” is very ambiguous and w/out a little clarification can easily be misconstrued. Personally, I know for a fact I have used the “Hey, we should hang out sometime!” line in many instances where I was definitely interested in being more than friends w/ a girl.
Are you single? I only ask b/c I think it is very relative here. If you are single, and the guy knows you’re single, and he’s single, and he knows you know he’s single, then I think there is definitely a chance he may think you might be a little interested in him. Without some clarification, I think most guys, under these circumstances, would think the girl is interested. I would.
Clarification doesn’t have to be too forward or blunt—just casually mention your bf (if you have one), or the fact that you’re not actively looking for a bf right now. But, I think if you want to be sure to avoid any mis-understanding and potentially uncomfortable situations (and it seems like this is important to you), then a little clarification is probably in order here.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@tb1570: I do have a boyfriend and I was considering just casually mentioning him, “Oh, I’m going to a concert on Saturday with my boyfriend, but maybe we could hang out Sunday,” type thing.

tb1570's avatar

@KatawaGrey Yeah, definitely mention that.

And that brings up another whole set of questions and opens a whole can of worms, but I suppose these questions have nothing to do w/ your original post and are none of my business.

Just be sure to mention to any guy you want to hang out with that you already have a boyfriend.

And you may wanna mention it to your bf as well…..

KatawaGrey's avatar

@tb1570: I understand where you are coming from and understand that the following is not meant to be disrespectful in any way: I will do no such thing. My boyfriend does not sign off on my friendships. Most of my friends are guys and if he didn’t like it, he wouldn’t be my boyfriend. Just because some guys think that any female who shows interest in them wants to date them does not mean I am going to bend over backwards to make sure every guy I meet knows that I am not interested in him sexually.

Because I have so many male friends, I get this response a lot. I am not untrustworthy and I treat all of my guy friends the same. Only a handful of them think I am interested and the rest know that I am being friendly because they are my friends and I care about them.

dynamicduo's avatar

Oh, you don’t actually want to hook up with the guy? I see. Well, in that case, my advice still stands, but you just need to make it crystal clear that it’s not a date, but a hanging out of friends. Mentioning your boyfriend is a great way of doing this. Your approach is spot on.

I also strongly agree with you against tb1570’s suggestion in mentioning it to your boyfriend. I sure don’t inform my partner of each new friend I make. He has no right to be informed of who I spend my time with outside of him, regardless of that person’s sex. I may offer to share this information, and often I do tell him where I’m going or who I’ll be hanging out with, but this is because I take comfort in knowing where my partner is and vice versa, not out of some obligation I have in telling him.

tb1570's avatar

Ok. Have it your way. As I said, that was not part of your original question and probably none of my business. And you are absolutely right :“Most of my friends are guys and if he didn’t like it, he wouldn’t be my boyfriend.”

But I do think we all need to take the proper steps to not be reckless w/ other people’s hearts; but if you have been honest w/ all your guy friends and have not led them on in any way, then you have done all you can do. You are right, it is not your repsponsibility to clear all potential friends w/ your bf first, and I would never suggest such a thing. But I personally believe that it is our responsibility that when we are in a committed, monogamous relationship, we should make it patently clear to all new friends that this is the case. We owe this to our S.O., the the other person involved, and to ourselves. In my opinion.

Anyway, sorry for bringing it up. To each their own, and good luck to all involved.

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