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kheredia's avatar

What's up with guys and video games? Will they ever get over it!

Asked by kheredia (5558points) March 11th, 2009

My bf is 29 yrs old and still plays video games every day for hours!!! He always goes to bed after midnight and doesn’t let me sleep!!! Will he ever get past this or should I just get use to it?

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31 Answers

timothykinney's avatar

Hmm, probably should get used to it. You could try to distract him with movies or something, but in the end playing games probably strokes his ego and helps him feel successful.

Just saying.

augustlan's avatar

I hate to tell you this, but my husband is 50 years old, and still plays most days. I don’t have a problem with it at all, but he is also considerate enough to keep the sound down so I can sleep.

Bluefreedom's avatar

I’m 42 years old and I’ve played everything from an Atari 2600 right through to a Playstation 3, which is what I currently own, along with a Nintendo Wii. In the last couple of years, I’ve curtailed my video gaming quite a bit due to work constraints and other more important things (like Fluther). When I do sit down to play a video game, I usually limit myself to a couple of hours at a time but that’s about it.

The video game industry is a multi-billion dollar a year enterprise and it caters to all different kinds of age groups with a very large genre of game themes for wide appeal. Video gaming can be seriously addictive and while it is certainly very entertaining, it can also have the effect of sucking you in so completely, you can lose track of time and even neglect priorities if you’re not careful.

If your boyfriends long hours of video game playing might have the potential to negatively impact your relationship, you might want to consider sitting down and and discussing your concerns with him. Maybe you can both agree on a timeline where he divides a more equal amount of time between your relationship and his video gaming.

kheredia's avatar

well then I guess i’ll just have to get use to it. I’m assuming after a while it wont bother me as much ;-)

kheredia's avatar

@Bluefreedom we’ve tried the timeline thing and he doesn’t honor it all the time. Sometimes he says he’s not going to play on certain days but he does it anyway. I’ve been trying to be more understanding because I love him and I don’t want this to be an issue. It just gets to me sometimes.

Bluefreedom's avatar

@kheredia. There was a point, in my past, where my wife complained to me to because our time together suffered and I procrastinated on accomplishing important things because the video games occupied too much of my schedule. These were factors along with what I wrote in my original post above that had me changing my ways, for the better, in my individual circumstances.

You’ve already mentioned that you’ll just have to get used to it and you assume that after a while it won’t bother you as much. I sincerely hope that is the case for you but if it still remains problematic for you later on, I’d once again recommend talking with your boyfriend and adamantly impressing upon him that your relationship is very important and that it should take precedence over video games. Not to the point where he should completely quit playing them but to the point where he is going to actively demonstrate to you that your relationship comes first. I wish you the best of luck in these endeavors.

btko's avatar

Have you tried getting involved in the video games too? If you’re not into them, then you just aren’t, but have you given it a shot? My girlfriend and I have fun playing a few video games together. You just need to find something you both enjoy.

We really like playing the Lego games (Star Wars, Batman) together. It’s fun. Could be an idea for you.

Triiiple's avatar

Whats up with women and shopping, will they ever get over it?

loser's avatar

Women get hooked on them too.

PrancingUrchin's avatar

@loser After a while of my girlfriend watching me play COD4 and switching off games with me, she eventually bought her own and got her own gamertag. Now I can buy her games as presents!

introv's avatar

I’ve had problems with games and a major long term past relationship. She was never into them, wouldn’t accept them, play them or get involved in any way and viewed them as sad and childish. I (and her) tolerated it for a long time but really, now, I see it as one of the core differences between us (oh don’t worry there were plenty of other ones so maybe you will be more succesful in working round it than we were!)

My policy now is to never get involved with a girl who doesn’t like games herself. It’s a fairly important part of my life (relaxation wise) and I really enjoy sharing it with someone – just the same as I enjoy sharing films and music.

cookieman's avatar

It’s not just guys. My wife plays them almost daily. I haven’t played one in years.

MrItty's avatar

The same time women get over shoes.

Sakata's avatar

The average age of gamers in the U.S. is increasing every year so I doubt grown men will stop playing any time soon.

I know my wife hates it too lol

Lupin's avatar

If it’s hours every day and it is negatively affecting other aspects of his and your life then it’s not just “gaming”, it’s an “addiction”. Answer these questions honestly: Can he step away from the games for 48 hours? Can he step away from you for 48 hours? If you don’t like the answers then start spending an equivalent amount of time on Match dot com or similar sites. There are plenty of nice stable guys out there who would rather be holding you in bed than a game console in the family room.
Unless there is much more to this story…..

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Some get over it. There may be hope. I played for hours on end in my 20’s.. but eventually I realized how much of a waste of time it was… the kicker for me was that games don’t create any real memories…

Aethelwine's avatar

@kheredia Bluefreedom gave you excellent advice. Talk to your bf and find a happy medium. I was in the same boat as you. Even though I used to play when I was young (I still have my Atari from the 70s), having children gave me something else to do and I became resentful of the amount of time my husband would spend playing. Then I talked to him and I also did what btko suggested. It’s really fun playing games with your SO.

imhellokitty's avatar

I don’t know what’s the problem with playing video games, girl or boy. I play them everyday (I’m a girl).

casheroo's avatar

I love that my husband is into video games, it gives him a hobby and something to distract him so I can use the computer longer lol. We play together too, he always tries to get games he knows I like. He’s more about Final Fantasy or what not…I suck at those games. I don’t know why most men like video games. It’s just how it is haha

TheRocketPig's avatar

Honestly, I fight over gaming on the TV constantly with my girlfriend. Except, it’s over who gets to play them on the TV. I would say that we have a super healthy relationship, and my gaming never gets in the way of that. It also could be that we are both considerate when it comes down to time spent on TV and volume levels late at night.

I think the big problem I see with your guy is that he’s keeping you up… It doesn’t seem like it’s the gaming so much that’s keeping you up, it’s the volume. I would tell him to play his games at a decent volume… or get some wireless headphones for the TV.

I also really suggest trying some video games yourself, it’s good to at least try out things that your significant other is passionate about. This should be an exchange, you try out video games, he tries out something you’re passionate about.

cwilbur's avatar

@imhellokitty: the problem with them is when they interfere with other things. If your bf or gf feels neglected because you’re spending too much time playing games, the games are a problem. The solution might be to play less; the solution might be to negotiate and communicate so that the gf or bf understands what you’re getting out of the games; the solution might be to split up and find a gamer partner.

There’s nothing wrong with games in and of themselves, but the approach you take to them can create a problem.

(I myself do not care for video games, for the most part. But I have other hobbies that other people seem to think are similarly silly.)

wundayatta's avatar

Some women are “game widows,” and some are “football widows,” and some are “fluther widows.” Men get involved in a lot of different things that they want to spend a lot of time doing. It engages them, and makes their brains light up. We all crave that, and sometimes women are interested in these things, or their own things, to the same degree.

The issue is balance. Each couple has to balance time for various activities. When the sense of balance is out of whack, there are problems. In order to rebalance things, you have to negotiate with each other, and then you have to stick with your agreement. If the parties can’t stick with agreements, then they have to consider if they can live out of balance, or if that will be too hard, and lead to a break up.

You can renegotiate this with him (which you have tried, and he isn’t sticking to the agreement), you can try to like what he likes, or you can try to change your feelings in response to his gaming. There may be other options, but those seem to be the main ones. You have to decide which you can live with. If, at some point, it is too much, then you take the action you need to take. For god’s sake, please don’t become a nag. Deal with this responsibly and honestly, or it will not go well for you.

Jack79's avatar

First of all, you say “still” as if video games are something meant for little boys. And this is a mistake women have made for centuries. I’d like to extend daloon’s comment above to a more socio-historical perspective.

Humans (and men in particular) have always loved “games”. This does not only include the games they play as children (whether it’s hide-and-seek or PES on the Xbox) but also “adult” games such as poker or football. Sports are typical of this, though hunting and fishing have been other favourite passtimes through the centuries, which, from this perspective, would also qualify as “games”. I don’t think I even need to explain why humans of all ages play such games. But the important think to remember is that it seems to be part of our nature. It was so about 1,000,000 years before the first Amstrad was invented and will continue to be so another 1,000,000 years after your boyfriend finishes playing “Oblivion” or whatever it is he’s up to right now.

Just remember that he is normal, and this notion that “games are for children” is completely unsubstantiated and is exactly what has led mothers to buy GTA4 as a birthday present for their 10-year-old. He’s probably at some other site now complaining that you “still buy clothes even though you have more than one dress, when are you going to ever stop shopping?”

Having said all that, if your relationship suffers from this (or anything else for that matter), then it’s a different issue altogether. It has nothing to do with gaming, but with time management. And as bluefreedom explained earlier, games can often be addictive. I have a friend who openly admits this to his girlfriend and tells her he’ll be unavailable on certain days because he knows he won’t be able to get off the PC at all. Sorting out priorities is important for every relationship. Just don’t expect him to give up something that is a vital element of his everyday life so easily.

kheredia's avatar

The thing is he didn’t use to play as much when we first got together. It seems like he just became addicted to playing on Xbox live. And I have tried to play with him before but i’m just not good at it! I don’t like it, I feel frustrated that he has to go down to my level because i’m not good enough to play at his level. I just rather not deal with it anymore. But I love him and I’m willing to work something out. I just wish he was a little more disciplined with his time.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

I’ll be 49 in August. I play video games on a regular basis (including my favorite PS2 driving game for an hour before I go to work every day) and I can’t see myself stopping anytime soon.

A lot of guys spend their time drinking beer and hanging around the tavern. I might be playing a video game, but at least my wife knows where to find me. :-)

Jack79's avatar

It’s nice that you made the effort to try but yes, if it’s not your thing then it’s just a waste of your time (if not his). The only good solution is for you to do something else you like in the same time (eg watch TV, have your girl chats or go for coffee with a friend you haven’t seen for ages). Then you’ll be having a good time (instead of waiting for him to finish) and not be frustrated, and he’ll have his space to do his thing without feeling guilty.
But of course his Xbox time still needs to be under control. If you agree that he’ll have an evening off then it’s ok if he plays an extra hour, but he shouldn’t be up all night and then sleep the whole day.

wundayatta's avatar

To add to my point that our brains need to be active, there was an article on Morning Edition today that said pretty much the same thing. Except it was about doodling. Apparently, doodling takes up enough of our brain’s energy that we can focus on boring speeches or talks. Doodlers remember more from these sessions than non-doodlers.

Well, the brain hates being bored, and video games are one way to keep the boredom away. I guess, in comparison, relating to another person is not quite as exciting. Now, if they could game and relate….

Waffle's avatar

@kheredia Why not find a game you can both play?

TheRocketPig's avatar

I agree with Waffle, I wouldn’t expect someone who isn’t used to playing video games to jump head first into Call of Duty and be a pro. Finding a game that both of you can play would be good. I’d say if he’s into Xbox… Castle Crashers is a fantastic game to play multiplayer…. and it’s really accessible, and fun. My girlfriend and I have been having lots of fun with that, Scene it, and Lego Batman.

Aethelwine's avatar

Castle Crashers is a great choice for a beginner. My five year old daughter kicked my butt playing it the other day. :)

kheredia's avatar

We do have Castle Crashers and I have played with him but I just get bored after a while. I just don’t really think its my thing :-(

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