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upholstry's avatar

Am I a square if I don't like people who cheat on their husbands or wives?

Asked by upholstry (683points) April 9th, 2009

I stopped being friends with someone recently because she was cheating on their husband, even though it wasn’t really any of my business. I should admit that I had a kind of crush on her myself, but I always kept my distance. Am I a square? Am I hypersensitive? Should I just chill out and be cool, man, because this is how people have fun?

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21 Answers

Aethelwine's avatar

You’re not square. You have morals. Good for you!

elijah's avatar

You don’t have to like someone’s behavior. You shouldn’t stop liking the person, we all make mistakes. The important thing is if the person learned a lesson or not.

augustlan's avatar

I had a really hard time with this issue when a friend of mine was cheating on her husband. It bothered me so much that I had to take a step back from our relationship for a while, and asked her not to talk to me about it anymore. I was really the only person she felt she could talk to about it, but she honored my request. After a while, I decided I loved her no matter what she did, and I was able to be there for her again. She knew I strongly disapproved, but wouldn’t disown her for it. In the end, our friendship survived it. Her marriage did not.

Zen's avatar

You are my newest friend.
I wish everyone thought that way.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

I think since you obviously have morals you can’t help but think less of your friend, but I don’t know about the stopping the friendship all together part…. two of my friends have had affairs and I am their friend just the same. That is what friendship is- being there for someone and not judging them. It wasn’t any of my business. I let them know that I did not support it and gave my advice about thinking they were making mistakes, but that was the extent of it. Are you sure that you having a crush on her didn’t have anything to do with stopping the friendship?

upholstry's avatar

@BBSDTfamily yes, but combined with the fact that the man she was seeing was another good friend (who is single), I was not able to just temporarily step away, and I made her aware of my feelings multiple times. Unfortunately, that makes it incredibly difficult to ‘be there for her and not judge her’.. I just feel very guilty for not being there for her and for judging her..

If it had been with someone I didn’t know, or who I didn’t know well, then I think I could manage…

BBSDTfamily's avatar

Oh I didn’t know the other person was also a friend of yours… yes being put in the middle like that is not fair to you.

asmonet's avatar

I’m with Auggie. I’ve seen it happen, I removed myself and came back after talks about our friendship and our expectations for each other. Turns out we didn’t need expectations for each other. We did have love for each other, that translated into being each other’s’MOM’ every now and then, and we love it that way.

I don’t approve, but depending on the person I would handle it differently. Close friends, I would handle just the way Auggie did. I’d tell them I intended to keep the relationship, I didn’t approve and if they wanted honest input I would always be there to listen, but I wouldn’t coddle them or condone their behavior.

No need to chill out, your personal standards will come up in a variety of relationships. You just need to decide what your priorities are and what your ideals for the relationship are.

Your feelings for your friend made this hit closer to home than perhaps it would have, give yourself some space from the situation, assess your feelings and proceed from there.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Not square at all.. I’d say you’re more trapezoidal.

MrItty's avatar

No, but you’re a square for still using the word “square” to describe a human being…

GAMBIT's avatar

You are not square at all sometimes it seems left is right and up is down. Keep your morality. You are fine.

drClaw's avatar

You’re not square for having morals, you’re square for talking like a beatnik :-P

tinyfaery's avatar

The point of friendship is to not judge. I have few close friends, and they are like my family, if one of them did something I do not approve of I would tell them, but I would not end the friendship. Relationships do not involve one person. Do you know every personal detail of your friend’s marriage? I think you were never a real friend in the first place.

You are not square, but you are insensitive and judgmental.

asmonet's avatar

He had an emotional stake, it’s natural for him to be more affected that a simple friendship would have.

tinyfaery's avatar

Ahh. Missed that part. But in general, I stand by my comment.

asmonet's avatar

I agree with you. :)

DUN DUN DUN.
What is that, twice? :)

tinyfaery's avatar

More than twice. I just don’t always admit it. :p

upholstry's avatar

@tinyfaery

Your answer sounds kind of one-sided. Wouldn’t their choice be insensitive to me? It caused me a lot of pain to see her flirting with and pursuing another friend of mine. Wouldn’t I have the right to leave a friendship if they were doing something that made me feel like shit? Or now am I being TOO sensitive?

tinyfaery's avatar

@upholstry Ohh…so this is about you. Now I see.

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