How would you approach a person that you saw only in passing but wanted to get to know better?

Just be honest I think. Tell her you’ve noticed her and that you had to meet her?

When you’ve seen her, has she noticed you? Do you get a feeling that the attraction is mutual? If so, I could see sitting near her and making small talk, maybe handing her your card at the end of the ride. If not, it’d be kind of out of the blue, and she may be on the defensive. It’s a fine line, for sure.

@augustlan There was no eye contact as is traditional of people taking public transit. Last time we sat in near adjacent seats. Were I to speak to her, I have no doubt that she has at least seen me before.

If you have opportunity to catch her eye then smile (a little) and write a little something on one of your cards where you know she can see what you’re doing. Write, “dinner or coffee?”, something like that and hand it off to her.

I think that’s do-able. Good luck!

Just go sit next to her and talk to her as you would any one else you are interested in. If she wasn’t attractive you would have no problem striking up a conversation. Or if she is attractive and wearing your favorite teams t-shirt you would have no problem striking up a conversation. Just approach her feeling good about yourself, realizing the possibility she may be having a bad day and is pissed off. Just the fact you attempt to talk to her not caring of the outcome; you may become her emotional fireman. Don’t ask her a dead end question, just something that leads to a nice conversation so you can determine if you really are interested in her. Just remember you are never rejected you always gain valuable information from the experience.

I can definitely tell you what not to do:

Don’t say something like, “I don’t want to freak you out, but….you have a really nice body” or “You have beautiful eyes.” From experience being hit on quite a bit, and from complaining about it with my friends, these kinds of things REALLY freaks us out when strangers say them.

(And, no offfense @hungryhungryhortence, but that would probably freak me out even more, especially if I had never noticed the guy before.)

@La_chica_gomela Haha! No, I learned that doesn’t work some time ago. Trial and error taught me this early on (sooo embarassing!). I’m a decent ad-libber once there’s a topic to ad-lib about. I don’t have that here as we’ve never spoken before and we have nothing in common so far aside from taking the same train.

@La_chica_gomela: I’m taking a stab here at what I would imagine a gentleman might do. Unlike you, I haven’t had a the experiences of so many men hitting me up with cheesy pick up lines. Okay, I lie- I’ve had what feels like three lifetimes of men hitting me up with cheesy pick up lines and hope whatever TCH decides, it’ll bring him a positive result.

@hungryhungryhortence Thanks for the well wishes. I learned long ago that cheesy pickup lines aren’t my thing. There’s no way I’m ever going to say anything like “Do you have a mirror in your pocket, because I can really see myself in your pants.”

I’m just not that much of a jerk and if there’s women out there that legitimately like jerks, then they’re not the ones for me.

@hungryhungryhortence: Yeah, I can imagine that being really cute in a chick flick movie, where we already know the protagonist is a good guy, and we also happen to know that the girl is interested in him. But in my real life…things are different…
(trying not to speak for how everyone would feel about it, just me)

I’d try “Hi.”

“I noticed that you noticed me, and i wanted to put you on notice that i noticed you noticing me.”~

or

“I’m gonna throw this out there. Throw it back if you’re not into it—I want to be on you.”~

or

invite her out for drinks.

^^more examples of what I would consider things not to say
but you probably already knew that
(unless you read ‘drinks’ as ‘coffee’, and then that could be okay…)

yeah, then slip a roofie in that mochachino!

@eponymoushipster Bahahahahaha… perfect. And by perfect I mean so wrong it’s right.

I wish I had some good advice to give. I like something cute like writing on a card and handing it to her, like @hungryhungryhortence said, because it puts the ball in her court, and seeing her reaction makes the situation pretty cut and dried on the spot.

That would so work on me, by the way. It would make my day, even though I’d have to write, “Sorry, married” and hand it back with a smile and a shrug.

@eponymoushipster #2 is super suave!

@3or4monsters: pure feminine evil… I love it!

@3or4monsters @hungryhungryhortence
I’m not important enough at work to have business cards
I fix their shit for a living and they can’t even help me out with picking up anonymous women and the trip home. The indignity!
>:(

@The_Compassionate_Heretic: So your employers are cheap pricks, it’s more common than you’d like to think so stop in at Kinko’s and have them make you up a box of cards if for no other purpose than to scare women on trains. Damn, I’d sure like to be over your shoulder, watching and smirking as you pander.

@hungryhungryhortence Buahahaha me too. :) Are we evil?

@3or4monsters: just a teensy bit

@hungryhungryhortence Well, I won’t complain about them too much. They pay me a good wage and treat me with respect and dignity.

I admire and respect you @hungryhungryhortence and @3or4monsters but I don’t think you want to watch me in this situation. I have some glorious successes in my romantic history but I also have some epic embarrassing failures which are as awkward and uncomfortable to witness as an episode of “the Office” .

start sloooooowwww!
As a fellow (although currently former) public commuter, female, and experience of being hit on by random dudes in the city- confrontations from strange men can be creepy sometimes.

You already probably know this stuff, but…this is what works on me.
Put yourself in her field of view. Catch her eye (as in maybe briefly make eye contact—but look away! Don’t make a staring contest out of it because power struggles are creepy).Don’t stare too long because that’s also creepy. Be visible. Smile briefly, politely. Smile a little longer next time. Fiddle with your ipod, something in your bag, whatever. Smile. Give her a little smile/wave when you or she leaves.

Don’t come across as too confident (douchey) or come on too strong – women on transportation are on the defensive, so do whatever you can to put the ball in her court. Try not to let your body language say I’m Trying to Make You Notice Me by trying to be/act/pose/look like a certifiably Cool Dude.

This will give you at least an idea of if she’s interested or not. If signs point to yes, go in for that inevitably awkward first conversation ; )

You have a nice jawline. Look out the window and maybe she’ll notice it

Also…it sounds pretty goofy…but imagine there’s an antennae popping out of your head and emit through it the feeling that you’re open, friendly, non-threatening. That you find her interesting as you find all good people interesting, and it would be nice to have more people like that in your life. Try to emit the peacefulness and joy you want to share with the world, as well.

^^ and this is why I’m glad I’m married ^^

I’m exhausted just reading that

@cprevite sorry. I’ll chalk this one up to insomnia.

I would find it a little creepy and extremely forward if some guy passed me a note on public transportation, especially if I never noticed him. I agree with @Amoebic. Go slow. I would start by sitting/standing near her, making eye contact and saying good morning, with a smile. Get her to start looking for you because you’re familar. Then ask her out for coffee.

i’m loving the what not to say stuff lol

A lot of guys can come off creepy, but I know some mean well. I’ve had random men hit on me, and it’s not creepy. I usually noticed when someone did something nice for me..like hold a door open, that’s your oppurtunity to have eye contact I think. I also think if she’s reading or listening to something, comment on it to get a conversation started. You just like her by looks, you need to start talking to her to find out if she’s actually interesting.

While you’re having cards printed, why don’t you just go ahead and have them printed with your pickup line on them?

@Jeruba, that would be really funny- personal business cards with random stereotypical pick-up lines printed on the back. Sort of like fortune cookies…

I was joking, of course, but I actually think that if a guy handed me a card with his name and e-mail on one side and “I’d like to get to know you. Meet for coffee?” not handwritten but printed on the other, I would think he was probably a loser, but clever and intriguing nonetheless, and I’d take the card with me and think about it.

The fact you would even consider it, blows me away. I would think you would rather have it hand written-I guess that is too much personal and intimate expression; you certainly can’t beat the courier font for intrigue.
I would never survive being single in today’s digital society, it seems no one wants to talk face to face, anymore.
The telecommunications industry has sure made a killing creating this digital addiction.

Oh, if he wrote in Courier, forget it, I would toss it in the nearest receptacle. And if he wrote in Comic Sans, I wouldn’t even take it from his hand.

I did my dating a long time ago, too. I wouldn’t know how to do it by today’s customs.

how has no one mentione craigslist missed connections?

oohhhh EP! Your jokes are too funny!!!!

@Jeruba, I’m pretty certain it could work the same way today as it would have in the old days: boy begins catching girl’s eye, smiles and says good morning for about a week. Monday morning boy, smiles, says good morning, feigns surprised recognition, then says, “Didn’t I see you at___on Saturday? (insert name of grocery, concert, coffee shop, etc.) Girl answered negative, boy introduces himself. Boy then greets girl by name the next few mornings, then suggests getting coffee or lunch if girl works nearby.

Young women these days seem to get really freaked out by forward young men. It’s a wonder anyone ever meets anyone new any more.

@AlfredaPrufrock, that is certainly a lot more fun, romantic, exciting, and personal than texting someone or posting on craigslist. Too bad we no longer have the use of that wonderful accessory, the fan, ideally suited for flirting. When young people rush so fast from first glance to hooking up, it’s no wonder that they want to move on and start over again so soon. When you’re speeding, you can’t really enjoy the trip. You miss too much.

What is this thing about eye contact? In the last couple of days, at work, I have had two young women maintain some seriously long eye contact with me. This is in conversation. Where usually we look, look away, look, look away, etc. The one today had the most beautiful green eyes.

Of course, I did or said nothing. I’m married for one. And it’s highly uncool at work, since it’s considered sexual harrassment. Finally, I wasn’t really interested. Still, the eye contact was stimulating, and I can’t help wondering if it meant something, or if they were just eye-contacty kinds of women.

@daloon don’t you work at a school for the blind?

@eponymoushipster: shhhhh!

@daloon: Maybe there was a piece of food in the corner of your mouth.

@cprevite Damn valet! Losing his touch, I think. I may have to sack him!