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kayysamm's avatar

How can I come off as more friendly ?

Asked by kayysamm (435points) April 21st, 2009

Alot of my friends always say I give people dirty looks when I look at them. I don’t do it on purpose, half the time I don’t even realize it.

How can I give off a more positive vibe, or be more friendly ? So that way if I do give a dirty look, they will know it’s not on purpose.

I feel bad. :(

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21 Answers

cookieman's avatar

I have this same problem. My wife always tell me I look scary – and being a six-foot-tall, 275lb., Italian guy does not help.

We’ve determined it’s because I am constantly checking people out; seeing what they’re up to; what’s their angle!

Unfortunately, I always assume everyone I meet has an agenda and I, subconciously treat them as such.

I’m aware of it and try to be more open to people. Once you get to know me though, I’m a teddy bear.

kayysamm's avatar

WOW, its kinda creepy how right that is.
Thats is almost on point to what I do.

I don’t realize it because I’m so caught in my brain of thinking the worst of someone. Or tryign to figure out what’s their all about. Maybe thats why I don’t realize it because I don’t worry about my apperence ?

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

@cprevite and @kayysamm , it’s interesting that you both answered the Mother’s Day question the same way. A therapist once told me, that unless you make a very conscious effort to do otherwise, people often end up mimicking their parent’s behavior and attitudes. I still see aspects of my mother come out in me when I let my guard down. Maybe this is unconscious baggage handed to you by your parents?

cookieman's avatar

@AlfredaPrufrock: I’d say that’s absolutely true, except, in my case, I am not mimicking her behavior, I’m reacting to it.

She is pathological in her lying and extremely manipulative and selfish. Her sister, mother and niece all share these traits. So after years io being surrounded by duplicity, I assume everyone is like that to some degree.

Kiev749's avatar

smile? and not make it look creepy?

GAMBIT's avatar

I think since you are aware of it and want to change it you are on the right track. It seems that this would be classified as a bad habit. So maybe when your around people think to yourself not to do it. Awareness is the key. Good luck.

qualitycontrol's avatar

I do this and people think I’m weird because I gawk at them…

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Well, I learned that if you answer the phone with a smile, the people on the other end can read your smile even though they can’t see it. This works the same way in person. Smile, and hold a genuinely happy thought while doing so as to not come across as creepy and stalkerish. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and just smile.

I feel sorry for people that always think the worst of everyone. What a horrible way to go through life.

casheroo's avatar

I look mean/pissed off when I’m not smiling, and thinking of stuff. People always ask me “what’s wrong?” Nothing’s wrong, I’m just thinking! lol.
People shouldn’t judge on looks alone, just smile more I guess. That’s what I try to do.

Darwin's avatar

Look in the mirror and practice a friendly or smiling expression until it feels natural. Then use it.

Try not to think and walk – live in the moment so you can react appropriately when someone sees you in the hall.

Also, remember to greet folks as you pass them, even if it just “Hey, how ya doin’?”

cookieman's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra: You’re right it is horrible. But I’m working on it.

May2689's avatar

@kayysamm : I have the exact same problem. My boyfriend tells me all the time that I give people “dirty” looks and act like a bitch! But I dont mean it at all! Half the time Im not even aware Im doing it.
@darwin: Great advice!

ru2bz46's avatar

It seems that every time I’m out with an SO and run into another woman I know, my SO will tell me later that the other woman was giving her dirty looks. WTF? I never see these alleged dirty looks. I think women are just paranoid about potential competition.

Judi's avatar

Smile and Botox.~ You can also do it with make-up, or the way you wax your brows. Michelle Obama hired a stylist to do her hair and make-up because she was getting that same message in the early part of the campaign. Amazing what a few months and the right make-up can do!

3or4monsters's avatar

Long term solutions: I don’t have them.

Short term solutions for curing the stink-eye: if I catch myself being negative and unfriendly, I put in my ipod. I have a folder of short comedy tracks, to mix it up——Jim Gaffegan, Dave Chapelle, Margaret Cho. I have the Flight of the Conchords CD. Listening to stand up comedy that isn’t too sarcastic or bitter can do wonders for my facial expressions. The corners of my mouth turn up and linger there for the duration of my listening. My eyes sparkle. I’m on the verge of laughter. People respond REALLY WELL to me! The truth of the matter is, I’m so distracted by the funny stuff that it doesn’t give me time to judge/react badly towards others.

I have anger management issues sometimes, so I know I can stalk around on my day to day errands looking like a stormcloud. The difference in how people treat me and how I react to others when I’ve been grocery shopping for 20 minutes, listening to comedy, versus when I’m in a bad mood…. is dramatic and eye opening. We are more transparent than we think, and others are often more perceptive than we give them credit for.

Maybe it won’t work. Maybe it’s a bandaid fix, but at the very least, it’s an interesting experiment. I find it can completely turn my outlook around and change my mood.

Judi's avatar

@3or4monsters ; Laughter IS the best medicine!

YARNLADY's avatar

Try taking charm classes, yes, I said charm classes. If that’s just too radical, then find an acting coach, and consider voice lessons as well. A plesant voice goes a long way.

Loosk aren’t everything. Look at my picture, my mouth always seems to droop, even when I’m happy. It was taken at a birthday party, and I was having a great time/

filmfann's avatar

I had the same problem for 6 months, while I had contact lenses. I was making a lot of people angry by giving them “hard looks”, so i dumped the contacts, and everyone was glad I got over whatever was bothering me.

cheesecake's avatar

..appearing as very friendly and then turning out to be super grumpy…is far far more nasty…and try having a positive attitude always..that always helps..
cheers to that:)

YARNLADY's avatar

@cheesecake GA, that’s what gets me through life. I made a pledge to myself to be happy every day for the rest of my life.

mattbrowne's avatar

When you’re mad at someone, don’t you the word ‘you’. Stick with the word ‘I’. I promise you it works. Takes a while to get used to. Your look will change too. But it’s a result of your attitude and thinking. So it’s about your language and your choice of words.

Have a look at this article:

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