General Question

let_me_rest's avatar

Sexual confusion..what do i do?

Asked by let_me_rest (8points) April 24th, 2009

I love a man that is married…but I also lust for his wife..I met her a couple of times… It’s just sex with the female ..but I know its love with the man…what would you do….they have a kind of an open marriage by the way from what u understand! but he really loves me..I’m sure!

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

27 Answers

essieness's avatar

I would just back away from the whole ordeal. They’re married. Putting yourself in the middle of that can only bring heartache.

cwilbur's avatar

What would I do? Stay away from the whole mess.

oratio's avatar

Amm, does the wife know?

jbfletcherfan's avatar

What a complete mess! I’d put my running shoes on & head for the hills. This is a lose, lose situation.

Jeruba's avatar

Is the couple coming on to you and inviting you to be their playmate? Don’t get involved in such a thing. You won’t come out the winner.

cookieman's avatar

Yeah, this is a hot mess. Run for the hills.

I’m sure you can find plenty of less attached, less complicated people (both male & female) to explore with.

jessicar's avatar

Run run really fast.

Amoebic's avatar

As with everyone else’s advice, mine is also GET AWAY!

If it was sex and only sex, and that couple had very established boundaries, things may be different. But if he loves you, do not get in the middle of that mess.

funky_princess's avatar

Deep down you know what you need to do!
If it were me as hard as it is i would have to get myself out the situation, you dont need the hassle, just go a meet a guy who is totally available!

flameboi's avatar

he loves you, yeah right…
Just stay away from it before we see it on cnn…

flameboi's avatar

I forgot that one lol

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@flameboi let’s just hope they don’t mention fluther, LOL.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Well, this doesn’t really scare me as it scares the others…I’m familiar with open marriages and your situation…since you have love for one and lust for the other I’d need more information about both the perimeters of their open relationship (as in are they open only to have sex with others or to have intense romantic relationships with others) and about whether or not you want the husband for yourself…which is a no-no, imo, unless all parties know…if he loves you too, he should end it with his partner first unless her and him are both okay with being polyamorous

cwilbur's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: I’m not scared of polyamory, I’m justifiably cautious of diving into a situation where there seems to be so much confusion and so little actual communication.

Also, when you have love for one partner in a couple and lust for the other, there’s very little way things can end well.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

it’s not necessarily that they’ll end badly
this way a single person will be in love with 2
(as I used to be) and then sometimes they’d all have sex (as we didn’t)

filmfann's avatar

I have a lot of friends who are into polygamy, and I will tell you most of them are not happy.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

then why are they ‘into it’?

filmfann's avatar

I think some people think they will find happiness in exactly the opposite way they would truely be happy.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@filmfann then why are they continuing to be ‘into it’?

filmfann's avatar

Oh, you’re confusing people I know with logically thinking people I know.
This is just what they do.

Jeruba's avatar

An experienced friend of mine said that a lot of people who get into polyamory think it’s great at first, but within about a year and a half it is very likely to cause trouble in their marriages.

One problem is that people seem to like the idea of having sexual adventures a lot more than they like the idea of their spouses’ having adventures of their own.

Another problem comes when one partner is much more in demand than the other. This is true of a couple I know, who don’t know that I know (my friend whispered their secret to me): he is very outgoing and vivacious, and she is a rather homely, scrawny, grumpy and grouchy enigma who gives curt answers even to perfectly cordial pleasantries. He’s out a lot, and she isn’t, and it does not improve her mood.

cookieman's avatar

if she were a homely, scrawny, grumpy and grouchy enigma who gave blow jobs…her dance card would be full with a fair number of guys I know.

Jeruba's avatar

I don’t know what she does! But she does have an alarming set of teeth between which I would be disinclined to stick anything that was important to me.

cookieman's avatar

well that explains it

filmfann's avatar

(washes hands before continuing to next catagory)

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther