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live_rose's avatar

How do I become a better listener when it comes to my boyfriend?

Asked by live_rose (1223points) May 12th, 2009

It’s usually the girl that bitches that her significant other’s not listening to her. But my boyfriend is a great listener and remembers little things that I’ve done or said. I feel horrible that I can’t do the same it goes in one ear and out the other I guess. I noticed that today when I went to get him a birthday gift and couldn’t think back through all the time we spent together and take something from that to pick a gift I could remember some stuff we talked about but nothing substantial. Any tips on how to get better at really listening and remembering? I feel like a horrible girlfriend that Im having trouble with this.

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12 Answers

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Now that you recognize you’re doing it, you can stop doing it.

DarkScribe's avatar

It sounds more as though you aren’t appreciating than you aren’t listening. Maybe you need to keep a diary and make notes whenever something important is mentioned.

justwannaknow's avatar

It sounds like you think more of yourself than you do him. If you are that into him you shouldbe hanging on his every word. you can not be that bored with him already that you are tuning him out. Wait untill you have been together for about 20 years.

wundayatta's avatar

Is this the first time this has happened? Or is it an ongoing thing and not just with him?

Doesn’t matter. Cut yourself a break. It’s not a federal crime.

live_rose's avatar

@justwannaknow @daloon It’s an onging thing I guess. Its not so much that Im tuning him out I listen I just can’t retain anything notable from the conversations.

justwannaknow's avatar

Is he talking a lot but not saying anything?

live_rose's avatar

@justwannaknow I mean we talk tons like there’s so much volume and most of it is just lbanter between the two of us but I think there should be stuff that i take hold of and remember I mean just so he knows that I really do listen. He hasn’t complained about it or anything its not like ive forgotten anything Important I just dont hold on to little things like he does.

justwannaknow's avatar

In other words he is carrying on a great conversation but not saying anything significant about himself.

live_rose's avatar

@justwannaknow exactly Its just talking not really telling anything about himself but just talking and I guess I just get swept up in the conversation and then by the time I realize that the conversation didnt really hold anything significance the conversation is over and I feel like Ive missed something. I do listen to what he says maybe Im not good at translating it into something significant . . .I just dont know.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

It sounds like what you’re describing is a symptom of having a bad memory, not being a bad listener. Here’s my advice:

What I do (don’t tell Tim) is when he’s talking and I realize he’s said something that could translate into a gift is type it into my phone as a calendar item or something, then when I get a chance, I transfer it into a document called “gift ideas” I keep on my computer about him, my relatives, and friends and what they might like based on things they say.

Maybe I’m a huge weirdo, but it works for me, so whatevez.

On the other hand, taking out your phone and doing stuff while he’s talking could make you seem like a worse listener, but then you’ll get him awesome gifts, which will make you seem like a better listener, so maybe it’s a trade-off.

justwannaknow's avatar

Make a list of specific question you want to know about him, sit him down and make him answer them for you. Tell him how you feel about him and you want to know about HIM.

mbubbles's avatar

You have to care to listen. I fyou don’t care, you’re going t ofind things increasingly boring. I’m in school right now and I don’t care about my Language Arts class, so I don’t listen, so I have a C as my overall grade. However, I do care about my acting class, and due to that, I have an A. There’s no way to be good at listening if you don’t care.

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