General Question

KatawaGrey's avatar

How do you deal with people who have given no indication that they like you or even acknowledge your presence?

Asked by KatawaGrey (21446points) May 17th, 2009

I am a gamer. Many of you know this, many of you do not. I am also female. As such, I have seen a great many interesting reactions to me in the gaming world. Most of the time, these guys get to know me a little and we become friends. Sometimes, guys never get past that first stage and they continue to ignore me. I do not know the motivation behind this. Some, I think, are afraid of me because I am a girl. Some don’t like that girls should play trading card games. Some are simply incredibly shy and don’t talk much to anybody. In one case, my wonderful boyfriend before he was my boyfriend said he didn’t want to overwhelm me because all of the other boys were acting weird around me.

There is a guy who I have seen a few times and who completely ignores me. As it seems now, I will be seeing this guy on a fairly regular basis. I have decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and try to find some common ground with him so that we can get along. How would the collective suggest I go about doing this?

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21 Answers

Clair's avatar

Show that youre interested in a discreet but non insane way and give it time. If he gives you a clue hes interested than you can take it to the next step if you suspect hes just shy. But remember, confidence is everything!!!!!! Seriously

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Clair: Perhaps I should have clarified. I suspect he falls under the category of those who think girls shouldn’t be in gaming. I don’t necessarily want to be friends with this guy, I just want to be civil with him, especially because my boyfriend likes him and I would most definitely be the outsider in this group.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

I just tend to act as I normally would. If people like who I am then great! If they don’t, well… I can always move on.

Clair's avatar

Well no shit? I guess you should have punched him in the balls for being so sexist. Lol. Dont worry bout what he thinks. Hes just jealous cuz he doesnt have a vag AND skills to boot.

phoenyx's avatar

Which game are you playing? MtG? Pokemon? :)

Girl gamers are pretty rare when it comes to CCG. He’s may be ignoring you because he doesn’t know how to react. What if you challenged him to a game?

hearkat's avatar

I say that you should be yourself. I don’t see how approaching him in an attempt to find common ground would help… you already have common ground in that you are both gamers at the same events.

If do you have to interact, do so in a professional, courteous manner. Let your gaming skills speak for themselves, and don’t allow him to intimidate you… having XY genes doesn’t make him superior in any way.

DarkScribe's avatar

They are usually known as “In-laws”, but luckily the ones that I have now are fine. As for gaming, no one really knows the gender they are dealing with and many guys for whatever reason pose as girls. People become reserved as they don’t know who you really are. I think that this response carries over in RL. One of my daughters has the same problem – she plays on-line poker and until they had a social, real life occasion where people met the avatars, she was treated with disdain. After some guys got quite keen, others seemed to resent it every time she won.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@phoenyx: This game is the World of Warcraft tcg. It’s still pretty new and so hasn’t acquired the same following the Magic has (which I also play).

@Darkscribe: It’s not an online game or else I would agree with you. I can’t hide my boobs in person. :/

DarkScribe's avatar

@KatawaGrey Ok, I didn’t grasp that. Yes, I guess that it must be a territorial thing then, you are trespassing in traditional male territory. Either that or it is your ears. ;)

phoenyx's avatar

Actually, thinking back to when I was into cardboard crack…

I used to have a regular gaming group. One of the guys would often bring his girlfriend. She was just… silly. She’d flirt with him half of the time and make random comments about the cards: “this elf is pretty.” Ugh. She wasn’t really interested in the game and having her around just bogged the game down for everyone. We ended up just ignoring her most of the time. We were actually glad when he broke up with her.

In contrast, I’ve met girl gamers who are interested in the game, know the rules, and are serious about playing. They were the ones who had my respect.

Nefily's avatar

My best friend who is a girl plays Call of Duty, Halo, Gears of War, any first person shooter out for xbox really and she has no problem getting along with non-gamers. Just stick to gamer talk with gamers and you will be fine. Some people you just cannot get to like you. Even if your bf likes him it is not your fault if you cannot get along. Some of my bfs friends I do not like, he just needs to understand yoy put in the effort to be his friend if he rejects it then there is nothing you can do.

Girl_Powered's avatar

Why do you need to deal with them? Just ignore them. There is enough in life without hunting for extras that don’t add to you life’s quality.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Hmm i dunno, you already have plenty of friends im sure. Is there really a need to engage with this person on any level? I mean just because you see him often doesn’t mean you need any kind of relationship with him. I say just let him be unless you are really hell bent on being friends with him for some reason. I don’t know if being a girl has much to do with it, I am a guy and theres lots of other guys who ignore me and me them. Some people just don’t want to talk.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@LKidKyle1985 @Girl_Powered: It’s not so much a matter of being friends with him, it’s just that I see him at all the tournaments I go to and he’s one of those players where if he doesn’t like me, chances are the rest of his very large group won’t like me very much either. This would make the tournaments very difficult. I couldn’t just avoid them because my boyfriend tends to be in the winner’s circle at these events as do all of these guys. I also just want to be able to be civil with this guy. It’s no fun being the odd person out twice over.

Supacase's avatar

Just be friendly when you see him, but not overly so. Don’t seem like you are trying, but don’t let on that he’s getting to you either. Behave like everything is right and normal. He’ll get over himself eventually, once he realizes you don’t think he’s all that important. (Even if you kind of do.)

Also, he should be, at the very least, civil to you if he and your boyfriend are friends.

dannyc's avatar

Usually they are snobs and not worthy of your worry. The best leaders are always inclusive, thus you are dealing with people whose behaviours should not be emulated, nor make your concern. Be true, sincere, humble and the best will find you.

Darwin's avatar

Just be civil with him whether he is civil to you or not. Then be civil or even friendly with his following. Otherwise, you can simply ignore him right back.

augustlan's avatar

Just give him the head nod and a ‘hey’ when you see him. Very casual. He’ll either warm up to you in time, or he won’t… but you’ll still be polite.

dynamicduo's avatar

@KatawaGrey There’s not much you can do. Instead of asking how to deal with them, I would ask you a question – why are you concerned with how they feel about you? What do you want to gain in this situation here? So what if his large group of friends chooses to not be all social around you, I guess those people are narrow minded people who believe what one friend says, I wouldn’t want to talk with such people anyways. I’m not sure how this would make tournaments more difficult unless they were on your team – if they were on your team and chose to not communicate based on their perceived biases, why would you keep playing with them, why not join another tournament or find some other girls who want to join up?

All you can do is take the high road. Though I do admit, if I were in your very shoes, I wouldn’t even acknowledge that person. I don’t see what I would gain by doing so. That type of person is not someone I want to spend my time talking to at all.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@dynamicduo: I’m not crying because he doesn’t want to be my friend. I’m perfectly content with him not being my friend. However, I have decided that I want to try and have some kind of civil relationship with this guy. I can’t necessarily find other tournaments. Warcraft has a small following in comparison to Magic. If I was to avoid the tournaments this guys was at, I would be avoiding all of the tournaments. Life would just be a lot easier at these tournaments (and other events I will soon be participating in) if he and I got along.

dynamicduo's avatar

@KatawaGrey Life would likely be better or easier for you, that’s for sure… but I can’t really see what the guy would gain by having a “getting along” relationship with you. I think he’s pretty content with things the way they are now. I don’t think he wants to have any relationship with you whatsoever. Thus I feel your efforts to make this civil relationship happen will have little to any result. It’s a shame that he can’t be more mature and get over his issues with you, but I am not sure there is much you can do to change this part of him. Because of this, I would personally consider it a waste of time to pursue trying to be friendly to this person, I would leave him be and focus on socializing with new and non jaded people.

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