General Question

windex's avatar

What am I doing wrong? (2 stories-roommate/office politics)

Asked by windex (2932points) June 3rd, 2009

gah…* sigh *... ok

Every single day, I try to improve myself as a human being.
Every single day, I try to grow as a person. I try to learn from my mistakes, and I make a lot of mistakes like a lot of people. I am by no means perfect.
Latest examples:

This is yesterday when i am coming out of my room

Her:…didn’t you hear me?
Me: no what?
Her: i was calling you.
Me: no I didn’t hear…
Her: well i was calling you, and i was knocking
Her: hmmm….(rolls eyes, walks away)

are you kidding me, i have told her numerous times that when i am in my room infront of my computer, that i have headphones on 99% of the time, therefore can not hear people with the door shut and my headphones on.
still this happens. Does she think i am lying, i know this sounds lame compared to the problems we are facing in the world today, but if i can’t comprehend things like this, how can i save the world?

i show up to work every single day, just like a lot of you guys. I give 110% every single day and have single handedly saved the company 100’s of thousands of dollars. not only am i barely able to buy food for myself (i sit in my room all day long and only drive to the grocery store) You probably won’t believe me when i say i do not buy a single thing…
anyways, that was just to let you know that my world is unjust, and i am being treated extremely unfairly.

…so at work, i show up early every single day, work when at lunch and when i’m not on the clock and don’t waste ANY TIME. and work faster than every single person there (except 1 girl in a different dept. who has better shortcuts than i do)

so these 2 geniuses talk about how the boss told them NOT to clock other people in, and are unsatisfied with their life and how they are not gettting special treatment

And i tell them: Hey..I have seen you guys do it before and everyone knows that you should never clock other people in or out from break/lunch.
then they start giving me sh*t. I point out the fact that they show up to work late EVERY SINGLE DAY, and the only thing their supervisor cares about is sucking the boss man’s you know what and to look good in front of him, not caring if his people do the work…
people watch TV SHOWS while working, and go on social networking sites ALL THE TIME, and text each other ALL THE TIME during work hours.

And during my review (2 days ago) my boss calls me negative and emotional. Are you F*CKING KIDDING ME. Just because i am Passionate about my job, and CARE for things, and say “HEY do not pay $$$ much for this machine cuz it is a waste of money” I get accused of being negative and not giving it time before we figure out WHAT this machine/software is capable of.
I do my work every single day and KNOW these things inside out, Unlike some people who just want to waste 2 months on a bs project that they know will go no where… (btw for the record, we have paid (on numerous occasions) for things (software etc.) that cost tens of thousands of dollars and NEVER EVER used them…)

…..sigh .... I have been doing yoga, eliminating everything and everyone that is negative in my life, and giving up ALMOST every addiction that i have (2 left) but it seems like i still can’t let things go, i get stressed and frustrated….

can all these people be crazy or am i the one who is not able to interact with others???

What am i doing wrong? can someone explain to me?

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16 Answers

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Have you considered meditation? Seriously. It’s a good thing. It helps me

nikipedia's avatar

Dude, it sounds like you are feeling negative and emotional.

But you’re totally allowed to. Being unhappy isn’t against the rules, right?

So what’s getting you down? Why do you feel like the world is so unjust? What would it take for you to be happier with your life?

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Very few people appreciate someone who works through breaks and lunches, if you do it then don’t expect anything in return just do it for yourself. Breaks and lunches are given to workers by law and I’m sure at least one other person than the goof offs you mention deserve and take that break time. You are feeling negative and emotional because you’ve been singled out as a busybody by your co workers who will now see you as mainly an opportunity for taunt and ridicule. Back off at work from looking at what others are doing because it will continue to make you go crazy. Definitely find some distraction outside of work that allows you to forget the day, volunteer someplace to feel appreciated, go on some dates to get some lovins’, whatever but you need to break your fixation on comparing job performance.

asmonet's avatar

Okay, so cry about it. Then move on.

If your headphone cause problems, try the volume on low until your roomie gets back, then pop them on. It is frustrating to know someone is in the house and you couldn’t get in for a while.

Cut yourself off when you recognize yourself dwelling on negativity. Most people don’t realize when they are appearing to others to be emotional or negative. You may frown while working, answer sharply without intending to, all sorts of things. If it’s a concern I’d ask your boss who did the review to help you identify specifically what is being seen as negative so that you can actively work against it.

You seem to be fixating too much on the LOOK HOW MUCH I DO! RECOGNIZE ME, FOR FUCK’S SAKE! mentality. And I hate to break it to you, but nobody is gonna recognize it just because you need it.

Accept the things you cannot change. Hard work is rewarded in time. Patience, love.

YARNLADY's avatar

First of all, you are doing the right thing to do your job to the best of your ability, and putting the extra time on your own.
But, it is crossing the line for you to comment on or try to change the behavior of others. Unless it is your assigned duty to make sure they follow the rules, don’t do it.

Second, there are at least two different ways of getting a point across. One is to way “That is the wrong thing to do” and the other is to say “Let’s examine the pros and cons of buying that machine.”

With the roommate, I would simply discuss how she would like to approach the issues that come up. Leave out the “I can’t” part and ask “How would you suggest I handle this?”

It is very negative to say “Are they crazy, or is it me?” No one is crazy here, so why not turn it around and say “I’m very happy with my life, and I will share my happiness with everyone else.” That’s what I do.

windex's avatar

thank you SO MUCH fluther family : )
I am more relaxed now…

as far as the roommate, she probably just wanted to ask me a bs question. (the headphones are only loud enough for me, if you stand next to me, you won’t hear a beep)
but anyways, I tried to say , OK…Now that i CAN hear you, what is it that you wanted. but she just ignores me….If i’m doing something wrong, i want to KNOW. i want some ME time after work so i really don’t want to be bothered…

as far as work, i see wut u guys are saying, but at the same time i don’t MENTION them screwing around ALL THE TIME, i only do it when they “ATTACK” me as a “defense mechanism” or something… i don’t know.

what makes me frustrated is the fact that VERY FEW people CARE
I really don’t even mind Not being rewarded for all the sh*t i do, as long as SOMEONE just acknowledges the fact that i do it, that is enough.
If i wanted to complain to the boss or HR i would’ve done it a LONG time ago, but people NOT working is their choice…it’s a free world after all… >:|

I try SO HARD to be a good human being, not eat DEAD animals (vegan) and just be zen…but sometimes, i really dont’ know where all the hate comes from…

PandoraBoxx's avatar

First of all, with work, document the projects you work on and how much money they’ve saved. Use this to update your resume, get on linkedin, get people that you’ve done work for to recommend you. Perhaps you need to move to a different department or area within the company. Make a change.

As for the roommate, give them permission to come into your room to get your attention if they know you’re in there. It sounds like more credibility and recognition at work will help things all around, especially if it meant more money. You might want to see if you can find a mentor at work who can help you navigate the structure. It can be really weird at times to go it alone.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

The only behavior you have control over, is your own.
It is supremely irritating when you work hard and you see others getting paid the same if not more, and they’re screwing around.

As far as that goes, these things don’t get missed. Others will see your co-workers screwing around and not working. It’s a tough economy right now. The people who don’t pull their weight are the first ones to go when layoffs come around.

Stay on task and avoid distractions like office gossip and politics. Work is a tough situation sometimes. I’ve been doing a lot of working long hours staying late without overtime, and i just got a notice this week over email that no one is getting a raise but still telling us to work just as hard. In fact, my boss just had a meltdown this week and sent an email out to our entire dept saying “if I’m going to lose my job, I’m in the mood to take you all with me”.

Sometimes, you don’t get any recognition for your work. That’s just how it goes.
The important thing to remember is perspective. As long as you do your job and do it well, you’ll be acknowledged eventually though it may not come in the form you expect. Also, given a long enough time frame, everyone’s actions will come back to them.

asmonet's avatar

You will always look better owning up to your own actions rather than justifying them by comparison to others.

It’s like yelling, “He started it!” at 35.

asmonet's avatar

Also, go back and read your last quip out loud, with the same emphasis you put in text. Raise your voice and stress the words you put in caps.

Record it on your computer, play it back.

Tell me that doesn’t sound like you feel entitled to recognition.
You’re giving off vibes with just your text imagine how it looks with facial expressions, tone changes in your voice, etc.

Darwin's avatar

With your roommate, maybe they should do what I do to get my daughter’s attention: I call her cell phone or I IM her. With the headphones she always has on that is the only way to get her attention, even if she is in the same room. :-)

Actually, you might think about your tone of voice. If your roommate says something like “Didn’t you hear me?” you should respond “No, I am so sorry. I had my headphones on and I was concentrating so hard I missed your calling and knocking. Next time, please just come in the room and get my attention.” Make sure you sound really sorry that you inconvenienced your roommate.

And as others say, don’t try so hard at work to outdo everyone else. Go ahead and take your breaks and your lunch hours – if you don’t you make your co-workers think you are trying to show them up or make them look less dedicated. Never even mention to them the rules they are breaking. Unless you are their supervisor you do better to stay out of it unless your boss specifically asks you about an event, and you trust your boss will not tell the offenders that you “ratted them out.”

For your boss document the projects you do, and think about how you present things. Again, as others have said, present the pros and cons to the boss and let the boss make the decision.

windex's avatar

i just deleted 4 paragraphs, (too personal)

thanks for all the input btw, i will have to sleep on it.

dynamicduo's avatar

You haven’t learned the secret of life yet, which is that the world is a shitty dumb place. People like you and me, real go getters and passionate people in life, are not meant for the world where idiocy is not only encouraged but welcomed with a bug hug.

Why does other people’s behaviour at work matter to you? It should not, and this is why – you can’t control it. You can’t make others be more productive employees when you have no power over them. All that matters is that YOU do a great job each day, and this certainly includes not lecturing other people as you did. No doubt, you’ve learned that lecturing does not have the desired result as you intended it to have.

You work colleagues likely don’t attack you, you simply perceive their comments to be attacks. Or if it’s true and they do attack you verbally, tell your manager, this is not appropriate in work. Or, and this is the option I usually go with, ignore them. The last thing you need to be doing is giving them a response of any type. They’re work bullies, can’t you see? Treat them just like you would any other bully.

Just a guess, do you work at an electronics store? If so, yes, there will most certainly be the most power tripping pea brained managers working there. But now you have this knowledge, you can modify your actions and behaviour to reduce the chances of encountering the manager. Oh, and don’t give up your lunch breaks at all, by now I’m sure you’ve noticed that it’s not hard work that gets you recognition there, it’s doing your work with the most minimum of effort, or sucking up to the managers by means of selling those stupid extended warranties or selling mom and pop a shitty overpriced computer. The ultimate reason I left McDonald’s was that I did not condone their behaviour as a company, and I would likely have left working at a major electronics store for the same reason. I don’t find it ethical to promote monster cables one bit.

With your roommate, you obviously need to work out another system for communicating. You should make it clear to her and anyone else that when you are in your room, you can’t hear people calling or knocking. Put a sign on your door stating this. Perhaps encourage others to use IM to get your attention, or reposition your computer so you can see if people crack your door open, etc. Basically, be proactive in finding a solution instead of sitting there complaining about the problem.

SirBailey's avatar

Sometimes employers look DISfavorably over people who need to use their breaks to get things done that the boss thinks they should be able to finish withOUT doing that.

cwilbur's avatar

Regarding your roommate: if she can’t remember that you usually have headphones on, that’s her problem, not yours. Don’t let her make it your problem. Let her roll her eyes; shrug and get on with your life.

Regarding your coworkers: it sounds like you’re investing too much of yourself in this company. You need to calibrate your performance so that it’s where your manager expects it to be—slacking is bad, but so is constant overachievement. If you invest more of yourself in the job than your coworkers or bosses do—and it sounds like that’s precisely what you’re doing—you’re setting yourself up for frustration.

You can’t control other people. If your coworkers are slacking, and that’s acceptable to the boss, then you aren’t going to change anyone’s mind. You can control your attitude and the amount of investment you have in your job, and it sounds like both of those are things that you really do need to adjust.

Coloma's avatar

Perhaps you need to found your OWN business???

I have never been suited to enviroments of petty, micro-managing rigidity.

I’m not one to be caged and forced to press levers for a ‘reward’ of egoic kibble.

Maybe co-op with some good pals that you blend with and brainstorm some alternatives to your current employment.

In the meanwhile…yes, take that lunch break, ya know martyrs only get burned at the stake! lol

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