General Question

hug_of_war's avatar

How can I get my mom to go grocery shopping?

Asked by hug_of_war (10720points) June 10th, 2009

So I’m 20, going to college and live at home, so she has no legal or moral obligation to have food around. This is not a financial issue, she has made it clear why she refuses to go grocery shopping and we are not that poor (she just came back from a trip to las vegas for example). I would just pay for my own meals, but no matter how hard I’ve tried in the past year I can’t get a part-time job (in large part due to the fact I can’t drive for physical reasonss).

So my story. My mom refuses to go grocery shopping because she says we don’t clean enough. I try cleaning a lot, but she’s a natural clean freak and I’m naturally messy, so no matter how hard I try, I can never clean good enough for her standards. I try so hard, but alas, I always fail miserably.

Next week she will be out of town for a week. She hasn’t gone grocery shopping in about 6 weeks, because of the cleaning thing. The two things I usually eat when she does this, pasta and rice, are quickly running out.

Do you think there is anything I can do to get her to go grocery shopping before Sunday when I’ll have to fend for myself with no money for a week?

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26 Answers

DarkScribe's avatar

That’s pretty sad. What is her problem with cleaning? Is it that when you cook or eat you make a mess? I suppose that you could ask her or money to buy take away (Takeout in the US) as a mother she can hardly let you starve. It would cost more to do that than if she shopped for you.

Do you have any other relatives that you can ask for help?

Hell, if the worst come to the worst, tell her that if you are starving you will have to call the local radio station and ask them for help. The threat of negative “bad mother” publicity should jog her along a bit.

Les's avatar

Wait. You have absolutely no money and she absolutely won’t purchase food for you?

I’d say she does have a moral obligation to buy food, but that’s just me.

Clair's avatar

sounds exactly like my SO’s mom. i’ll keep my comments to myself because i don’t have much respect for a woman that doesn’t provide for her family. good luck.

Aethelwine's avatar

I just can’t understand a mother that would let her child go hungry. The only thing that I can suggest is clean, clean, clean before she leaves. I’m so sorry you have to go through this right now.

jrpowell's avatar

Damn, I can’t offer advice. But if you PM me your address I can Fedex some pasta your way.

I’m not kidding.

casheroo's avatar

My mother is the same way when it comes to cleaning, and I’m just a messy person in general (this drives my mother insane, especially since my brother is messy as well)
What cleaning does she want you to do? Bathroom? General picking up after yourself?
I say, try cleaning. I mean, it totally sucks that she isn’t even buying anything, like cereal or things to drink.
Or, you could ask her. Tell her you can’t find a job and need some help with the groceries. Ask her what she needs from you in return.
I’m sorry, that really sounds awful.

eta: Are you in college full time? So are you on your mother’s health insurance still? If she keeps denying to help you at all, and you are broke then you can’t even apply for benefits through the state, because of your mother’s income. I think, when it comes down to that, as a mother she should help her child.

jrpowell's avatar

Ok.. I will probably get shit for saying this.

Get Food Stamps. It is super easy if you say you are homeless and just use your mothers address for mail.

edit :: If you say you live with your mother they will want her info. It kinda sounds like she uses food to control you. So I doubt she would complete the form in a timely manner.

casheroo's avatar

@johnpowell I don’t think she can, because she lives at home and is a student…I’m guess she’s full time (which would qualify her for food stamps) but she might be on her mother’s insurance so she won’t get anything because they’ll count her mothers income. :(

jrpowell's avatar

@casheroo :: That is why I said to say you are homeless. I have been through the process. It took thirty minutes, as long as you don’t pay taxes you are safe.

casheroo's avatar

@casheroo True. We have a lease set up with my parents, so they won’t count their income. Otherwise, we’d be screwed.

sjmc1989's avatar

That is so Sad!! If I was in this situation I would stay with a friend/boyfriend and bum food off of them while she is away because it doesn’t sound like she is too concerned with you starving. Or like someone else said previously if you have relatives that live close by explain this situation they would probably be more than happy to help you out.

sjmc1989's avatar

Another thing is there no one else that lives in the house with you and your mom? If there is what do they do to keep from starving?

Judi's avatar

Tell your mom if she doesn’t buy groceries that you are going to call Catholic Charities or some other food organization, then DO IT! Explain to them exactly what you told us. If you have no food they will feed you, at least for that week when she is gone. maybe you could make a deal with them that you will volunteer 4 hours a week in exchange for a food box each week.

Ivan's avatar

What does she eat?

YARNLADY's avatar

@Judi Thats exactly what I was going to say. Here it’s called the Food Bank, but it works the same way. You don’t have to give any reason, excuse or story. Just show up, do the work, and get the food. They don’t have to know why and they don’t care.

Judi's avatar

@YARNLADY ; us liberal Californian’s all think alike.

chyna's avatar

We have something here called Meals on Wheels and for $1.00 a day, they deliver food to your house. It is usually a meat and 2 veggies and a roll. There is plenty there for two meals a day. If you have something like that in your area, you should call to see if you qualify.

chyna's avatar

Another thing. How are you going to college? If you are attending classes, can you get a friend to take you to the store? I know you would need money, but can you borrow money from a friend?

SirBailey's avatar

Your mother sounds like she has a mental problem. A serious one. Because of it, you will NEVER clean well enough. Don’t frustrate yourself.

YARNLADY's avatar

I just thought of another strategy. Ask your Mom to put it in writing exactly what she wants you to do, so you won’t forget anything. Once you know what is expected, you shouldn’t have any problems doing it.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

To be perfectly honest, it sounds like obsessive compulsive behavior.
If she is suffering from an OCD condition, you won’t be able to do much to change that behavior.

augustlan's avatar

Angel Food Ministries lets you order food online (for free) and sends a box of food to a local church for you to pick up. There is no income qualification whatsoever. You’ll have to get a friend to drive you to pick it up, but you’ll be able to eat.

Also, what your mother is doing is abusive behavior. Unless you are taking advantage of her in some way that we’re not aware of, this behavior is not normal. She may need some counseling to overcome her issues.

I wish you the best.

Aethelwine's avatar

@Ivan I was wondering that myself. I’m assuming she doesn’t eat at home.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

How about this:

“Mom, I know I don’t clean to your expectations and I understand you using food as a motivator but really, I will need to eat while you’re gone. You leaving me at the disadvantage of my (disability/hindrance) and lack of money isn’t about cleaning anymore, it feels really scary to me.”

Safeway and Albertsons stores used to offer an online shopping and minimum order (something like $10.00) for delivery to your home, ask her if she’s open to picking out your food and paying for it up front.

casheroo's avatar

I was thinking about you. How are you holding up?

ProudFinn1's avatar

What i can’t put my finger on. Is how can any mother could let their child starve or go hungry.
When my mother was still drinking ( She’s 3 years sober) and didn’t have a job. She would still make sure my sister and i had food to eat. Whether it was from her Unemployment, or later was Welfare. She was really dedicated on that part. I agree with whomever said that your mother has Obssesive Compulsive Disorder. My mom can be the same way at times. Most of the time. I make sure the trash is taken out and to clean the livingroom a bit. so it looks nice when she comes home. She means the world to me. I hope things get better for you, friend. I’l pray for you. :)

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