General Question

mowens's avatar

Do people deserve a second (or third or fourth or 18th) chance?

Asked by mowens (8353points) June 16th, 2009

As relationship always go, this is complex.

Simplified: My Ex used to just ignore me all the time when we were dating, so naturally I broke up with him. Somewhere along the line we started kind of being friends after that. Everything was great, until even as friends, sometime he’d not respond to an instant message or a text message for days… so I stopped really talking to him. I do enjoy hanging out with him as a friend. We have fun. But being ignored angers me. He has been really nice the past 3 or 4 months, and messaging me everyday saying he wants to the gym with me. I do need a workout partner, and no one else can match my schedule. SHould I give him another chance?

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13 Answers

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I would not. I was and still am in the same situation, five years later. He hasn’t changed. Says he wants to, says he will… Never has.

whatthefluther's avatar

Do the gym thing as friends but if things start to reheat some, proceed cautiously…he is probably not going to change.

jlm11f's avatar

I don’t see any harm in maintaining a friend-like relationship with him. Some people are just bad at keeping in touch, or just too busy with whatever is going on in their own lives. Just know that going in, and don’t expect him to change. Similarly, he should know not to expect much from you either. Gym buddies hardly need to be best friends. They just need to be able to provide some company and motivation.

I will say, if you are hoping for this to lead to something or if you still have residual feelings, I would avoid the situation. You should only do it if you know that you are past all that and that you don’t care enough about the guy to be hurt if history repeats itself.

LC_Beta's avatar

Does he know exactly how you feel? It’s harder for some of us to keep up correspondence. I’m definitely guilty of being the one who doesn’t call or write back – I get so busy and scatterbrained. It doesn’t mean I’m trying to ignore or upset the other person.

I think you should 1) tell him how you feel and 2) determine what and how much you’re willing to put up with and go from there. He COULD get better… I have… but he may never meet your expectations.

SeventhSense's avatar

My Ex used to just ignore me all the time when we were dating, so naturally I broke up with him
A break up is a break up. SAY GOODBYE. It sounds like you’re still trying to make him see and this will only frustrate you.
Have no communication for a long while. In a year, see if you still want to have a friendship. Only then can you say it’s just being good friends and not clinging to the past. My guess is you’ll find self esteem and move on to something that works or just find contentment with being a different person than him.

mowens's avatar

yeah ive made it clear that I think he is a flake. And we have gone to the gym before for a few weeks at a time.. I just like having someone inteligent enough to talk to ya know? And we are obviously both gay so we can check out the guys together. :) I am completely over him, it has been 2 years since we were in a relationship, we waited a good long time before we became friends. Most of my friends are straight guys, and I do not get along to well with gay ones normally. They are all usually too girly or easily offended. Which is brings me to my next point… normal is hard to find.

This all made sense in my head.

SeventhSense's avatar

IMHO~Find self, then other.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Don’t be surprised when he makes a move on you if you decide to hang out with him.

rexpresso's avatar

If you decide to give him another chance, at least commit to yourself that it is going to be the last. That’s my suggestion. People don’t change that much. You’d rather accept the challenge and try to find a better match. Be true to yourself, ultimately that’s my recommendation. There are six billion people in the world.

mowens's avatar

The only real reason I am considering it… is because he has been really presistant the past few months. I’ve been treating him like crap and he has apologized and all that jazz… znd I still have been being a jerk. At first I felt justified, then slowly I realized I am being totally rude. I don’t like being rude I dont have a mean bone in my body.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I tried acting like a jerk, too, just so I could distance myself from the person and he apologized when he thought I really wanted nothing to do with him. As soon as I forgave him and we started hanging out again, however, he was right back to his old self.

Go for it if you truly think the two of you can just be friends. You still have to ask yourself what you expect out of a friendship, though. Think he’ll be able to cut it? If not, I’d just move on.

mowens's avatar

good point. Thanks guys!

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