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jessnicole's avatar

How do I begin to talk to him?

Asked by jessnicole (2points) June 28th, 2009

Well, I regret to admit I took advantage of my gay best friend when he was drunk. We had sex, and I found out three months ago I’m pregnant. How should I begin to talk to him about it? I’m terrified and don’t know what to say.

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14 Answers

lillycoyote's avatar

Well, the best place to start is to just tell him I think. I know you’re scared but sometimes the best way, the only way to deal with something is to plow right through it. He’s your best friend, right? Maybe you can get through this together really well. Have a little faith in him.

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TheWatcher's avatar

Just tell him flat out….be honest…..if he is in denial there are options
Get him drunk again and make him accept
Tell truth and hope he accepts
Hire hitman to take him out.

Tink's avatar

The way I would handle that is like maybe start a conversation about what would happen if you were pregnat because of the “incident” and go on from there

Judi's avatar

I’m assuming you’re planning on keeping the baby? He’s going to find out soon enough so you’d better tell him before it gets to obvious. Does he remember?

kenmc's avatar

I think I smell a troll

gasp gasp gasp

jessnicole's avatar

Thanks all of you. You’re right he is my best friend and I should be able to talk to him. It’s just hard to, since i know he won’t take it well at all. Maybe it is easiest hypothetically bringing up asking him what he would do if the incident got me pregnant. But perhaps he’d catch on.

No, I’m not trolling as crazy as my situation is right now. We share the same group of friends and I felt a lot more comfortable searching for a website I could seek help.

TheWatcher's avatar

Well it would depend how drunk he was, but it would be best if you broke it to him gently.

CMaz's avatar

So if you drink too much, it reveres to effects of being gay?
I mean, no matter how drunk I got, there is no way (me being a hetro man) would be having sex with one of my guy friends.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Wait, how did he handle the fact that you took advantage of him? and how much was he aware of? and this is just unfortunate, I’m sorry to say…do you want to keep the baby?

marinelife's avatar

I disagree completely with the people who say just tell him. Before you talk to your friend, you need to get some things clear in your mind:

1. Were you trying to get pregnant?

2. What are your expectations of your friend? Do you expect child support? Do you expect you friend to have an active role in your child’s life?

3. Were you under the misapprehension that even though he is gay, maybe he could love you? Were you just horny? Why did you do what you did?

You need to think long and hard. You need to take full responsibility for your actions in deliberately engaging in behavior that could bring a child into the world. It would not hurt and might help to talk to a counselor before you tell your friend.

You can’t tell him until you know what you want to say. That includes:

1. What you plan to do about the pregnancy.

2. What your expectations of your friend are with regard to the baby.

Despicable as your actions were, unless you raped him (what exactly does “took advantage of mean here?”) and stole his sperm and impregnated yourself, drunk or not, incited by you or not, he does bear some responsibility for his actions.

If, by any chance, you were fancying yourself in love with him and thinking he could change, please disabuse yourself of that notion. It will only lead to heartache for you.

CMaz's avatar

That is a good point. You took advantage of your friend?
You raped him.

wundayatta's avatar

Have you ever spoken about that night? Do you have any idea what he is thinking about it? What do you think about it? Why do you call it ‘taking advantage’? You believe you made him do something he didn’t really want to do? I dunno honey. I don’t think you can get it up if you aren’t at least somewhat interested.

In any case, I don’t think it matters whether he’s gay or not. I’m not sure it matters that you thought you were taking advantage of him. The issue is that you are pregnant, and he got you pregnant, and you guys need to discuss it. Do you want the child? Does he? Who is willing to take responsibility for it? Do you plan to initiate a paternity suit?

The thing is that you feel you entrapped him, somehow. Like he doesn’t have any responsibility for the matter. I think the gay thing is a red herring. You are just afraid of discussing it. Well, you’ve got to. I’d just make it simple.

“You remember that night? You know what happens when people do that? Well, it happened.”

He’ll be shocked, of course. However, I don’t think you need to add that you feel you manipulated him. He has to own his own feelings. If he feels you manipulated him, that’s one thing, but he has to tell you. You can’t tell him what he thinks.

Presumably you are good friends, and you know how to talk about things. You’ve had other significant conversations in the past, no? It’ll be like that, I guess.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

This seems like something you shouldn’t be asking advice about on the internet. We don’t really know who you are, and you don’t really know any of us and we certainly don’t know the full extend of your relationship with him.
I guess the only advice I feel comfortable giving is this.
Be honest, not just with him, but with yourself

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