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fireinthepriory's avatar

What is the thought behind the common notion that to be bisexual means that you are a slut?

Asked by fireinthepriory (7430points) July 2nd, 2009

I hear this far too commonly and never understand why people think this.

Some things I’ve been told: if you’re bisexual you have to sleep with both men AND women to be satisfied, which is why a bisexual is bound to cheat on their S.O.! You have to sleep with a man and a woman at the same TIME to be satisfied if you’re bisexual! Bisexuals are people who love sex so much that they can’t restrict themselves to sleeping with people of only one gender! (The list goes on…)

So where are these ideas coming from? Does anyone here think this, or did anyone used to think this, and why?

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32 Answers

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

I didnt know this was a common notion.

Grisaille's avatar

From intolerant, holier-than-thou, ignorant, self-important scum?

YARNLADY's avatar

People who make value judgements on others are simply projecting their preceived ideas. Many would use the term ‘slut’ to mean a woman who has sex with many people. They would probably assume that the only way you know if you are ‘bi’ sexual is if you had tried several partners, which would automatically mean ‘slut’ in their thinking.

YARNLADY's avatar

@Grisaille I see no need to use name calling to explain this, why do you?

Facade's avatar

I’m with @The_Compassionate_Heretic
But I can somewhat understand people’s thought process behind that. Bisexuals are seen as more sexually open, which can be seen as promiscuous.

Grisaille's avatar

@YARNLADY Mayhaps “scum” is a strong word. Doesn’t change the fact that I have no patience for someone that connects a derogatory term with someone’s sexual orientation.

fireinthepriory's avatar

Thanks @YARNLADY – I couldn’t find the connection between liking men or women and liking lots of sex, but when any number greater than one equals promiscuous, that does make sense. :)

Blondesjon's avatar

I have a younger brother who is gay and I can’t believe how many guys ask me if he ever “tried anything” with me when we were little.

I ask them the same question about their sisters.

I sometimes feel like a raft of knowledge set adrift in a sea of ignorance.

YARNLADY's avatar

@Grisaille I have little tolerance for people who resort to name calling against people they don’t agree with

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Let’s stay on target…

Grisaille's avatar

Also, as an aside: why is being open and comfortable with your sexuality automatically deemed “slutty”?

A “slut”, to me, is someone that sleeps with as many partners, regardless of looks, health concerns, yadda yadda – just to get off.

Since when is does being attracted to both sexes mean that you are sleeping about?

@YARNLADY That’s fine.

fireinthepriory's avatar

I’m surprised no one here actually thinks this, since I’ve run across it in the answers other questions, not to mention in “real life”... hence the asking. I’d never found a rational argument for this line of thinking (potentially due to its being extremely irrational…?). Glad we’re all enlightened here in the flutherverse (tonight anyway!). :)

casheroo's avatar

I’ve never heard of that stereotype, so I don’t know.

whatthefluther's avatar

Perhaps it is a sort of wishful thinking on their part? See ya…wtf

funkdaddy's avatar

If I tell you I love the Lakers, you’d assume I was a basketball fan and followed the game.

If I said I love dogs, you’d assume I had a soft spot for animals.

To some people, thinking about sex and getting down and dirty are still considered wrong. So someone who declares they are bisexual has thought enough about sex to decide they at least have a physical connection with both sexes, and hopefully (if they’re lucky) have gotten to act on those thoughts at least once. To some people that’s a short jump to slut. Remember short skirts and high heels are slutty to some folks as well, things progress.

The rest of the assumptions you mention are just ignorance or someone trying to be controversial or hurtful.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

This is new to me.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

I also find it interesting that people who choose not to engage in regular sex are often derided as prudes, frigid or losers.

Are we really so obsessive when it comes to the sexual activities of others?

Jeruba's avatar

I didn’t know it was a common notion either. I guess I don’t know people who speak that way about others.

DeanV's avatar

Maybe because you are attracted to both sexes, therefore you follow through on your attraction more often?

I’ve never heard that notion either, though.

tinyfaery's avatar

Sorry, it’s my fault. ;)

whatthefluther's avatar

@tinyfaery….Somehow, I had a feeling you had a hand in this thing…wtf
…and not a bad feeling, at that

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

yeah, I’ve heard that. I’ve also had people assume that since I have gay friends, I must be gay as well. I must also be Mexican, Canadian, black, Hindu, mentally retarded, and Australian, because I have friends in all thsoe categories as well.

It’s like if I said I was sexually attracted to goats, people would assume I was having sex with goats. Being sexually attracted to someone/something is different than actually having sex with them. I’ve never had sex with a goat, nor do I plan on it.

Don’t ask the goats, they are habitual liars.

loser's avatar

I’d say that’s an uncommon notion.

augustlan's avatar

I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ve seen the same ideas mentioned here on Fluther, too, and I don’t really understand it. If a hetero woman dates all different types of men, does that mean she dates all of them at the same time? No. (At least, not necessarily.) Does it mean that the guy she’s in a monogamous relationship with won’t be enough to satisfy her? Nope. (At least, not necessarily.) Why would it be any different for a bi individual? That said, I don’t think it’s what most people think about bisexuals.

andrew's avatar

I think there’s also the fear factor—the “grass is always greener” factor when people fear a bi-sexual partner would cheat on them.

I think there’s also a double-standard (for better or worse)—very few women I know would date a bisexual man, even though they themselves have had bisexual thoughts/encounters.

syz's avatar

I hear that, too. I can only assume it’s because people are stupid.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@syz God must love stupid people, he made so many of them.

syz's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra Yes, stupid people and beetles, apparently.

alive's avatar

i think i t is a fairly common assumption. my friend’s mom said that to me once (aaakward! haha) i just laugh it off.

i think it comes down to being sexual satisfied. i think that people see bisexuals as people who cannot be sexually satisfied by “just one” [person…even though they mean one gender]

but honestly, i dont know, i wish i did!

loser's avatar

I didn’t know I was a slut. Interesting.

Shegrin's avatar

To me, it’s who you love. Each person has something different about them. Attractions don’t happen at the same time, or even in close succession in my world, but I am a bit selective. When I do start to date someone, I see them only until whatever we have runs its course. Then I take time to regroup and wait for someone else to come along. Sometimes it’s a few months and sometimes it’s a few years. Doesn’t mean I’m slutty. I think my finickiness has cost me a couple of opportunities. Sure, I love sex, but I wouldn’t risk a great relationship to get more because I just like it so much and can’t wait to see where more is coming from.

I’d love to know where you’re getting these standard opinions.

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