General Question

kheredia's avatar

Can two people of the opposite sex be just friends?

Asked by kheredia (5566points) July 9th, 2009

I know we will never come to an agreement on this issue but I just want to hear your arguments. I personally believe it is definitely possible but I want to know why some people would say this is not possible.

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31 Answers

Darwin's avatar

Yes, absolutely. Everything isn’t about sex, you know.

bright_eyes00's avatar

i believe it is absolutely possible. i have a really good guy friend who i have known for almost six years now and the subject of us dating or us sleeping together has never once come up.

on the flip side, he is the only guy-girl friendship i have had that ended up that way. so its possible but VERY rare. especially since a lot of guys arent mature enough for that.

Tink's avatar

Yes I believe it is possible, but then on the other hand people think differently.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

My mother doesn’t believe so because she says sex will always be an issue…and sure it can be an issue and some friends have sex and some don’t…this doesn’t mean a friendship is impossible…my husband’s best friend is female, they’ve been friends for over a decade, they just never ‘went there’, didn’t come up…my best friend is queer with male parts, i’m queer with female parts…though generally we’re both more into penis, we’ve had moments where our intense connection could have led to sex…maybe someday it will…

I think that people aren’t all about straight/gay/bi…people that we have emotional bonds with become attractive to us even if they’re same sex and if society were less prudish, we’d have more sex amongst friends of same sex…

cwilbur's avatar

If either person involved thinks it can’t happen, then it won’t happen. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Grisaille's avatar

What? Of course.

Dorkgirl's avatar

Sure can. I have many male friends who I would never consider having any sort of sexual relationship with (plus I’m married).

kheredia's avatar

But the sex thing can go either way.. I had a drunken experience with one of my girlfriends one time.. so i guess it is a matter of knowing what you want. We’re still friends and it never happened again.

dalepetrie's avatar

I can’t imagine anyone other than someone really immature in their attitudes about sex thinking they couldn’t. Half the planet is of the opposite sex…if you go around this world wanting to have sex with half the people on the planet and your desire is so great that you can’t overcome it to just be friends, you’ve got a BIG problem.

Facade's avatar

If they’re not sexually attracted to each other, sure.

TheCreative's avatar

Of course! Im still friends with a very good friend of mine. We met in grade 1 and are still friends. We never think of eachother more than friends and are interested in other people. So yes, definately possible.

Grisaille's avatar

Sex isn’t that big of a deal to me, anyway (outside of being in a relationship).

I’ve had sex with friends, and we leave it at that – both of us getting off.

No one gets hurt, and we still go out to catch a movie, etc.

Allie's avatar

I’ve got friends of both sexes. I know guys who have female friends. I know girls who have male friends. And we’re all just friends. It’s simple really, some people just complicate things too much.

laureth's avatar

Absolutely they can. I have plenty of guy friends. My sweetie knows I only want to boink him, though. :)

galileogirl's avatar

I’ve always found that it is difficult being friends with single guys my own age because they have a tendancy to think you are after them. Of course guys are usually projecting yheir own feelings. Currently my 2 closest male friends are a gay guy close to my age who likes to talk politics and a guy who is 30 years younger and calls me Mom. It is comfortable for guys only when they can give women a safe label.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Of course! Some of my best friends are men.

Blondesjon's avatar

Women are capable of this, men are not. If you are a woman, with male friends that you have never dreamed of sleeping with, be rest assured that they have though about sleeping with you plenty of times.

The male sexual drive is a mammalian, animal drive. Listen to @galileogirl, she knows what she’s talking about.

Shame on any man that says that sex doesn’t cross his mind, even if just for a nano-second. He’s lying and he knows it.

bythebay's avatar

Gosh I hope so, I’ve had some of the same guy friends for 20+ years!

mammal's avatar

platonic lurve
you reckon?
assuming they are heterosexual

cinquestar's avatar

Sex may always be an issue that comes up whether spoken about or not, acted upon or not. But the most important thing I have witnessed is this:

My romantic relationship gets better and better the closer I get with my two male best friends that I will never sleep with. I have talked about having sex with both of these men. We have discussed a few times, in fact. But there is a strong agreement in place that I know I will uphold regardless of the sexual feelings. That is all they are anyway, feelings.

The more they love me and commit to me as a friend, the safer and more vulnerable I am able to be in my love life. Therefore, I consider the following to be a fine challenge.

To those of you that are looking continually for a romantic relationship and not finding one. I suggest that you get really close to someone of the opposite sex (or preferred sex) and become close friends. I challenge you to never have sex with them. I challenge you to do this with men (or women) you find incredibly attractive. And I challenge you to discuss the possibility of having sex with them and be honest about the existence of sexual feelings that you may have for them.

TheCreative's avatar

@Blondesjon You must realize that not all men are animals. There are some that can keep friendships with women. Such as myself who is
still friends with a girl I have know for years and we are friends and nothing more. She has always been there for me and I don’t think i would allow something such as sex ruin our friendship. We are attracted to different people and are still friends. Yes most men do think like such as you have mentioned but not all of them.

jamielynn2328's avatar

I had a best friend for 14 years that was a guy. We just never went there. And it was just fine. I will say however that our relationship didn’t work out very well for some other people. He would date people that didn’t think it was possible we were platonic. Many of his exes actually probably hate me to this day. And no matter how platonic we were, those ignorant exes really made me want to plant my bra under his pillow.

Grisaille's avatar

@Blondesjon I agree.

But so what? Just because I want to stick it up your pooper doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.

Blondesjon's avatar

@TheCreative . . .I said the male sex drive is an animal drive. We are all mammals.

I am also sure that there are one hundred million examples of platonic male/female friendships. I am not saying it is not possible. I am just keeping the guys in the room honest.

@Grisaille . . .Oh, if only you didn’t have so many L’s in your name…

JLeslie's avatar

Yes, as long as both people are 100% on the same page. Still, I think the closest friendships, the ones that you can tell everything, are with friends of the same sex.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@JLeslie my closest friendships are with my husband and best friend and they’re both bio-males…guess it’s not like that for everyone

Frankie's avatar

Yep. It probably doesn’t happen often, but in certain circumstances it is absolutely possible. One of my best friends is a guy, and there’s never been any sort of sexual tension on either side, and I highly doubt there ever will be. I’ve known him for over 3 years, and the whole time he was deeply involved with the woman who, almost two weeks ago, became his wife. He is also very religious and, as a result of his parents’ divorce and his father’s two other failed marriages, is very adamant about faithfulness and a strong marriage, which is why I highly doubt anything would happen between us even if I wanted it, which I don’t. So yes, in some cases I do think it’s possible.

KatawaGrey's avatar

I have exactly one friend that I have never been sexually attracted to. He is just Sam. To the casual observer, we may seem as if we would date if we were both single. However, we are not attracted to each other at all. As he put it, we each recognize that the other is an attractive person but we are not attracted to each other. I have had sexual thoughts and/or feelings about every other one of my male friends and I know that a good portion of them have had the same thoughts and feelings about me. I think that men and women can have friendships with no sexual feelings whatsoever, but I think it is rare. I think men and women can have friendships with no sexual actions involved and I think that is much more common.

JLeslie's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I was not including my husband, I thought we were talking about platonic relationships with men. My husband is MY VERY BESTEST BEST FRIEND FOREVER! I tell him everything.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Sure, my longest time friend is a man.

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