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Krazykat's avatar

Any suggestions on how to cure insecurities?

Asked by Krazykat (74points) July 19th, 2009

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cure lifelong insecurities? I’m sure many people have grown up feeling unloved, or not loved enough. So, how do you move into adult relationships and not need constant reassurance from your SO? I am in a relationship now and it is a self-fulfilling prophecy to feel that if I don’t get enough attention I am not loved enough and then him being annoyed with my mood when my insecurities flare up? Any suggestions on things to do? I’ve seen counselors before and I’m tired of just bringing up my past and nothing being solved.

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8 Answers

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

You just have to make the choice to not be insecure anymore. There is no magic cure. Stop looking to counselors and friends and advisers for that miracle answer and just choose within yourself. Don’t underestimate your own ability to overcome obstacles in life.

wildpotato's avatar

Time is the only thing I have found that helps with the underlying problem of being insecure. But in the short-term, learning to identify the feelings that lead to the cycle of argumentation is very important. Then you can explain why you are hurt by being apparently ignored, and your s.o. can explain how he or she was not in fact ignoring you. I know this sounds like couples-counselor advice, but it really does help. Just be careful to keep your explanation of why you are hurt from sounding self-righteous or antagonistic.

I actually picked that up not from going to a counselor myself, but from watching Six Feet Under with my s.o. We looked at each other and said hey, if we started communicating like they are learning to, I bet we would have a better relationship. And it worked.

tavj930's avatar

How about volunteering or doing something that will make you feel good about yourself. I don’t know how to explain it but if you improve yourself in whatever way you can, take a class, take on a new exercise routine, or whatever interests you. When you feel better on the inside, it won’t matter what other’s think and that resilience is attractive. I think everyone deals with insecurities at some point, even when we are at our most high place in life, the minute we climb down from that pedestal, we start to feel insecure.

AstroChuck's avatar

I find that putting down others helps me feel better about myself.

marinelife's avatar

@tavj930 Great answer!

@Krazykat Welcome to the collective. One thing you can do is work on your negative thinking and self-hatred. Use positive affirmations. You can get books or check Web sites for instructions on how to do it. The main cause of being insecure is poor self esteem.

One book I can recommend is Self Parenting, which can help you work through this on your own if you are diligent.

Remember it won’t happen right away. You have to commit to the process, but you can do it!

One last point: You Are Worth It!

Zendo's avatar

Gain self-confidence immediately.

cyndyh's avatar

It helps to sit with the uncomfortable feeling without trying to avoid the discomfort. Once you know you can go through periods of discomfort and still be ok, you won’t feel like you need to have x, y, and z happen to change the feeling. You won’t need constant reassurance.

It wouldn’t help to have constant reassurance anyway. It’d never feel like enough and you’d only be getting that momentary buzz from a source outside of yourself. If you learn to deal with discomfort, that’s something you’re doing for yourself instead of waiting for someone else to provide a feeling of relief for you. Cheers!

mattbrowne's avatar

Finding a partner and a boss who appreciates your strengths and supports you strengthening your strengths further.

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