General Question

misst's avatar

Is he a stalker or obsessed with me?

Asked by misst (71points) July 20th, 2009

I recently went to a friends house for dinner and took my kitten. Later in the evening when I was getting ready to leave I started looking for my cat and found a pair of my missing shoes under my friends bed. There have been a few strange things with this person but I thought it was because of his beng an older man, maybie memory problems. I had to go out of town and he said that he would feed the cat for me but when I got home someone had been in my bedroom, there were some things out of place. He was the only one with a key. I had dropped him off friday to attend something over the weekend and when I picked him up on sunday he told me to be there at 4:00 but I waited untill 5:30 untill we got to leave. He then started asking me questions about my weekend, did I get my shopping done, how did my truck drive, etc. I did not have my truck but one evening this weekend. Is he fishinfg to see what I did or is someone telling him what I did, this was an issue in the past but I dont know why, I thought it was straightened out.I am starting to get a little nervous. One of my friends told me he told them that he wanted to tame me a few monthes ago. I have made it clear to everyone I am not interested in dating right now, I am too busy with school and chores around the house. He also keeps wanting to come over to cut my grass but I can do that myself. Is he someone that is looking for something to keep him busy or is he stalking me?

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20 Answers

frigate1985's avatar

ahhh I might go for the former of the two…

Bri_L's avatar

I wouldn’t be happy with any of this behavior or either of these options.

I would start weeding out opportunities where he could do things like this.

By the way, welcome to Fluther!!

frigate1985's avatar

yeah welcome :)

Dog's avatar

He wants to tame you?

This means he is having fantasies of dominating and controlling you.

I strongly suggest you get him out of your life now.

Welcome to Fluther!

gailcalled's avatar

Best to be safer rather than sorry. Don’t socialize with him; don’t drive him places, assume the worst. “One of my friends told me he told them that he wanted to tame me…” That is an alarming statement.

I would alert someone (friend, family, minister) about your concern. I had a stalker when I was a sophomore in college. it was terrifying. School administration and security dealt with it. Without my knowledge, my father then hired a private detective who scared the shit out of the stalker. I learned about my father’s intervention 40 years later and whas grateful for it.

marinelife's avatar

Why keep this man and his suspect activities in you life? It does not matter what he wants. What matters is the weird, uncomfortable things he has done.

Stay far away from him. At least change your locks (he could easily have made copies of your keys) and consider moving somewhere so he does not have your address.

Shamone_Styles's avatar

Yes -he is probany both but, just to be safe – stay away from him. If someone goes through your personal stuff it’s probably for a reason. A good reason? Most likely the opposite.

SuperMouse's avatar

I have to weigh in on the side of those saying this is not a good thing. Stay away from this guy. I second @gailcalled when she says to alert someone to your concerns. Stalker, obsessed, or just a crush, why take any chances?

Bobbilynn's avatar

Welcome, how old are you, may I ask?

ShanEnri's avatar

@misst Welcome! You say you’ve had a problem with this before?! You’re certainly more forgiving than most! I would definately try to get him out of my life! Any longer and he may try to get forceful. people scare me sometimes

Shamone_Styles's avatar

Yes dear, Listen to the people saying this is not good. Be scared – be very scared and get the hell away from this dude. Or be brave and confront him – if you think it will make him back down.

SuperMouse's avatar

@gailcalled my dad did the same thing with a guy who was stalking me when I was younger. I saw them in the backyard talking, when they were done the guy walked through the house without even looking up at me. I never saw him again. About ten years later I asked my dad what that conversation was about. He told me that he told this guy that if he ever tried to contact me again my dad would kill him. My dad is the kind of guy who, when he says stuff like that, is to be believed.

gailcalled's avatar

@SuperMouse; At least your dad told you. I learned my info from my mother after my father’s death in 1980. . My dad was the kind of guy who never told us anything…causing a lot of resentment, at least for my sis and me.

Dog's avatar

I second what @Marina says-

Re-key your home.
I might even invest in an alarm.
No, I am not being an alarmist. His behavior is not normal and if he persists in contacting you keep notes and seek the advice of local law enforcement on how to document his activites and protect yourself.

answerjill's avatar

I am concerned about his behavior. Maybe consult someone in law enforcement for additional ideas regarding how to solve this problem? And def get locks changed!

RandomMrdan's avatar

sounds obsessive to me…very odd that he would want to “tame” you…

cak's avatar

I third what @Marina said. I would be re-keying the locks, as soon as possible.

It’s not normal for someone to ask and do the things he is doing and clearly, he was the one that went through your room. This is behavior that should alarm you and should cause you to be concerned. Do not ask for his help, for anything, again. Cut the ties, now!

Jeruba's avatar

I think it would help us to put things in perspective if we had some idea of the ages of the people involved. You say he is an “older man.” Consider how very different these pictures are:

you are 17 and he is 35
you are 50 and he is 52
you are 28 and he is 52
you are 40 and he is 65
you are 18 and he is 80

misst's avatar

Thanks to all of you for your wonderful imput. I will phase him ou of my life and indeed change the locks! misst

marinelife's avatar

@misst Keep us posted on what happens. Take care.

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