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shortysith's avatar

How do you decide when you need to make new friends or rekindle the friendships you have? Read further?

Asked by shortysith (688points) September 15th, 2009

I am in my mid-twenties and have made some pretty big changes in my life this past year (broke up with my my ex of six years, dating a new man, moved back in with my rents, just finishing school again…). I had a close group of friends in college that helped me through a lot. However, I find that I am not nearly as close to them as I used to be, my desire to speak with and keep in touch with these people has lessened a lot, and it bothers me. I have made a great group of friends through school again, but I am distant from my college friends who meant the world to me. I guess I am just wondering if I should be making more of an effort to save those relationships from being distant, or if it is best to accept that things change and friends come and go throughout life. What are your experiences with this? Do your opinions of friendship change when you get older??

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13 Answers

marinelife's avatar

It is natural to have friends we got very close to in school move on with their lives just as we do. Most people may keep up with one or two very close people while keeping in only casual touch with others.

That’s life.

perplexism's avatar

I do think the natural order of things is that some friendships will wane over time. I only talk to less than a handful of ‘friends’ I had in high school and college.

Me and someone I use to call my best friend hardly speak to each other now. It’s not that I don’t love her, I do, but we don’t have much in common anymore, so it’s only natural that we would grow apart. I will admit, though, it does make me sad.

Axemusica's avatar

Well, since I was 17 (currently mid twenties as well) I’ve been off and on with living with my rents and moved a gazillion times. I’ve been living on my own for a good 5 years now and been to a handful of different states that I’ve lived in. After 10 years of being away from my best friend and a lot of really, well, “people I can depend on” people I’ll call them, it’s gotten pretty lonely. I really don’t have much friends and don’t really have any reason to go out. I feel my past calling me back home to the place I grew up.
I thought I was searching for something & I still feel as though I haven’t found it, but I think being back with people I consider family since I didn’t really have much of one might have been the thing I was looking for all along. I guess I’ll find out when I can afford to move back, huh? I dunno, I just kind of feel lost at this point in my life. Mid twenties, not married not even dating, no kids. I’m not content, so I think going back to people that care about me and I do them would be the right decision.

shortysith's avatar

ya it’s a weird feeling the “quarter century” crisis haha :) Still searching too :)

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I’ve had the same core group of friends for many years, adding as I go from people I meet who share a similar mental path to where they want to go as I do and who may want to mix it up in my life, my other friends’ lives. It’s worked and been a beautiful thing. Some people I’ve met have been good people but maybe not the fit to become closer, they remain acquaintances.

majorrich's avatar

Staring down the barrel of the big 5–0, I can only tell you of my experience. I had a lot of very dear friends in college, but that was 35 years ago. Long ago I have lost touch with them. I have come to see people you come to know and love are like leaves floating on a stream. Some will stay with you, others take a different path to the sea. Love the ones close to you, try to stay in touch with the others as they fade from your sight. Weep for the ones that curl off to the shore before reaching the sea. I made some very close friends, almost brothers, in the service, even held ones hand as he lay dying before my eyes. He is still my friend, and will always be. But I digress. Make friends where you are, love them while you can. Love them like its the last thing you can do. Don’t worry if the circle changes.

jamielynn2328's avatar

I used to think that my world should revolve around my friends. I thought that they would always be there. Well I’ve gone through 3 batches of friends now, and the funny thing is that no one ever thought that about me. I’ve always been a good friend, a good listener, an ear, a shoulder, whatever anyone needed. The problem with that is when the need is gone, then I guess so is the friendship.

I’m thirty now and I have two wonderful children, two beautiful nieces, and two beautiful sisters. I’ve found that people grow apart. I love all of my past friends just as much as I did when they were in my life. I can go back to those memories and appreciate what they each were to me. I am in a different place now, and I am so glad that my sisters were disguised this whole time and I never saw through their masks. They were really my best friends in waiting. They are all that I need.

Garebo's avatar

My friends, I like to think my awesome friends (tribe), I won’t talk to them for years. When we finally do get together it is always fun and enjoyable. It is like time has stopped, we reconnect, sure people change, but they is always a part of them that you and they can enjoy. People get very involved in there lives, people get preoccupied with family, career, etc., and soon forget you, so you think, but they never do.

drdoombot's avatar

For quite a few years, I felt I needed no friends because my interests changed and theirs didn’t. I was quite content to have my brothers as my closest friends. I only stayed in contact with my best friend, and even then, we only spoke every 2 months or so.

But last year, something in me snapped. I never missed people and I found myself missing my old friends. I went back and started contacting people I hadn’t spoken to in years. Some of them ended up hanging out with me, some didn’t. There’s no anger on my side; if you click with someone after years of being part, that’s great. And if you don’t, that’s okay.

Now I find myself slowly growing my crew of friends again and it feels wonderful. I’m remembering why I “fell in love” with these people in the first place. I’m also finding that some people who were just kinda friends before are actually quite similar to me in interests and I’m having a blast connecting with them.

When it comes to friends, you just have to “feel” it out.

Link's avatar

It depends. It sounds like they were great friends. If so, how did you guys grow distant. Was it because you didn’t keep in touch, or they didn’t keep in touch? Were you a good friend back? If they were good friend AND you have a good time hanging out with them (cuz that’s important) then there’s no question that you should try to rekindle things. If you guys grew apart because you weren’t exactly a good friend, then you need to appologize and try to rekindle things.

shortysith's avatar

I actually just spent the weekend with them and realized even though we have a lot of distance between us our friendships are very important. I have always been a good friend, as have they, and I am beginning to see that friendships evolve when you get older, but it’s not necessarily a bad “different”. so thank you for all of your thoughts! It has been very helpful :)

MissA's avatar

You choose your ‘chosen family’ on an ongoing basis. That family morphs because your need for friends changes throughout your life. You can’t sit with a bag of tart apples and complain that they don’t taste like sweet oranges.

Many are afraid to widen their circle of friends, thereby limiting their personal growth by stifled influences.

You have X amount of time in a day, week, month…designate some of your time to exploring new people. It doesn’t mean that you’re going to cut off your old friends. Just maybe the amount of time you spend with them. Think of all the new things you’ll be able to bring back to the old family.

Good luck.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

When you current friendships are not adequately satisfying your needs for closeness, empathy or social/intellectual stimulation, you need to make changes to your social circle to meet your needs.

If reinvesting in old friendships does not work, expanding your circle of friends likely will.

Good luck!

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