General Question

ENIDAshlee's avatar

How do you say no to a guy, that you've wanted for so long?

Asked by ENIDAshlee (37points) January 28th, 2008

There is this guy that I liked. I’ve liked her for such a long time. Lately we got really close, and guess he finally decided to start liking me too. Well now I dont like him anymore, he actually disguts me, it makes me sick to think about him. I’ve been rather rude to him when he asks me out and, I feel kind of bad. Other than being rude, whats a way that I can have him know that I dont like him, with out having to talk to him, or be rude to him?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

12 Answers

VoodooLogic's avatar

Don’t call, initiate contact, or return his phone call. If he doesn’t take the hint, then you have grounds to be rude.

cwilbur's avatar

There’s no need to be rude; when he asks you out, say “no thanks, I’m doing something else” or “no thanks, I think I’m staying in tonight.”

gailcalled's avatar

What is the matter with talking to him? Life is full of situations where we have to confront people and discuss difficult issues that make us uncomfortable. Why not start to learn w. this relatively easy one? If he first lit your fire and now disgusts you, perhaps you need to balance your initial reactions to guys. What if the tables were turned?

How about saying, politely, “No thanks. It’s not going to work for me”? No lying, no rudeness, no passive-aggressive avoidance…” It’s not so hard. (How old are you?)

ENIDAshlee's avatar

Hmm. I have a hard time turning someone down. It makes me feel really bad, so I feel that its better to just ignore the person. He asked me to the movies recently, and instead of saying no thanks, I just told him that I probably have to work, but if I didnt I would go with him. I had no intentions to go though. Hes also a hard person to get rid of. He constantly calls me, or texts me. Hes even friends with my friends, pretty much everywhere I go, hes there. He likes to invite himself to go to things that my friends are going to because he knows that I might be there.

I am 17.

gailcalled's avatar

*Would you like someone to treat you that way – I stand by my advice.. It will come in handy, always, I promise you..Ask him politely to stop everything…by lying, you are not making a situation that upsets you go away- from his POV, he believes you and feels some encouragement. TELL HIM, POLITELY, HOW YOU FEEL. Deep breath, sweetie, and off you go.

* “He asked me to the movies recently, and instead of saying no thanks, I just told him that I probably have to work, but if I didnt I would go with him. I had no intentions (sic) to go though.”

cwilbur's avatar

Okay, part of your problem is that you’re sending the wrong message.

He asked you to the movies, and you said, “I probably have to work, but if I didn’t, I’d go with you.” The message he takes away from that, because he believes what you say, is that you /are/ interested in him, and that he should ask you some other time when you’re not working. Or he should go to things your friends are going to, because you might be there, and as far as he knows you’re interested in him and want to spend time with him—because /that’s what you’re telling him./

This is why, as you note, he’s such a hard person to get rid of—the messages you’re sending him are telling him that /you are interested in him./ So he’s believing that, and he’s trying to put him and you in situations where you can get closer together. You’re not just ignoring him—you’re giving him bad information that he’s acting on as if it was good information.

Put yourself in the reverse situation: if you were interested in a guy, and every time you suggested going out with him, he said, “I’d love to, but I’m working, maybe some other time?” or “I’d love to, but I have a calculus exam the next morning,” you’d most likely focus on the “I’d love to,” and keep trying to find ways to make it work. After a while, you’d probably figure out that the “I’d love to” part was a lie, and then you’d feel like this person had been stringing you along and playing games with you.

If you say, instead, “No thanks, I don’t think it will work,” you’re being honest with him, and he’ll get the message.

kevbo's avatar

Excellent Freudian misspelling of “disgust.”

ENIDAshlee's avatar

Thanks for all of the replies.
When I was turning him down, I didnt really think much of what I was saying.
I was just looking for a quick way of saying no, without actually saying that I wasnt interested anymore.
I’ve talked to him, so he now knows, that I’m no longer interested.

gailcalled's avatar

Good for you, Enid. Congrats.

devon07's avatar

im in a similar situation at the moment except i still do like him but i dnt want to go out wiv him, we love eachother but hes also my best friend who i trust with my life. but i think u shud tell him when your on your own just talk to him nd say to him “i liked you but i waited long enough for you nd you have lost my love nd im sorry but i hope we can still be friends…im sorry to say this but theres only one answer nd thats no but u hav to know im sorry nd can we be friends?” its the only way not to hurt him xx

breedmitch's avatar

Gail, do you wanna tackle this or should I?
Ha Ha!!

gailcalled's avatar

@breedmitch: Deer deer Harold; i think u shud have the honor.its you’re turn. Wiv luv, Maudie.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther