General Question

Ruki's avatar

How do I approach the subject of my sexuality with girls?

Asked by Ruki (75points) November 12th, 2009

I have a fluid sexuality and mentality. I am masculine and yet feminine. Androgynous. And I don’t know how, or when to tell someone I am interested in about this.

It has not been easy to accept this, because at times it meant rejection from people I love and it has left an imprint that perhaps I am not worthy of a woman’s love.

I feel bad about my ex-girlfriend who, like me, didn’t know about my proclivities and once she was aware (before I was) decided she couldn’t stay. I don’t want to mislead anyone anymore. So I appreciate your thoughts.

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20 Answers

RedPowerLady's avatar

Can you explain it to us in more depth? I have some understanding of these issues but am not clear on what you are saying. Perhaps you are not being clear with these women either?

Also I am sorry that your gender/sexual preference is disrupting your life. Society is too narrowly defined in these ways, IMO.

Resistka's avatar

Well not everyone can do this, Its like riding a bike though, first you need to talk, I however use humor to bring up the topic, after that, just keep on going, If you are willing to do this anyways, because alot of kids (Alot of my friends) Decide their to scared to actually talk about it. I probably talk about it with my Girl friends everyday, Girl friends as in Many girls i’m friends with, I also get alot of Hugs :)

So Humor Helps and don’t be scared, oh don’t do it to someone completely random, unless she is hot!

Response moderated
willbrawn's avatar

Are you gay? I really don’t understand what you mean.

Resistka's avatar

@Jman are you talking about my response? It works with me, then again I am pretty funny too… you need a since of Humor too. And friends

@willbrawn If your talking to me, Im not gay I am like Straight, Again if you were talking to me, I mean you can use Humor as a way to start a Conversation about sexuality, it even works for my Fat friend, He told a Girl “Open your legs I smell fish” Girl says “Gross, haha isn’t it close your legs?” Fat friend “I like fish” It went into a conversation about how the girl said she hasn’t had a period yet so she can’t have baby’s.

…It was actually a good conversation to listen to. My fat friend is dumb so yea..

Ruki's avatar

To clarify: I am a man, quite delicate and pretty, yes I would call it that, but 100% male. So don’t get confused, this is a question about my personality and sexuality not my physiology.

Supacase's avatar

I don’t understand what there is to explain. Anyone who dates you can see that you are a delicate and pretty man and they should be able to know your personality through spending time with you. Are you trying to figure out when to tell them you are bisexual? I’m not sure I understand your sexuality, so it’s difficult to know what to say.

Ruki's avatar

@Supacase yes! precisely!

tinyfaery's avatar

Just live your life. If you find a guy/girl you like cultivate a friendship and let it come out naturally. If you think a guy is cute say so. If you’ve had gay experiences, tell her.

Not all girls will be turned-off. Hell, some might like it.

Also, hang-out with those of the LGBT community. It’s a good start to finding girls open to alternative sexualities.

RedPowerLady's avatar

Perhaps living in a more liberal area would help out. Many people here are bisexual and I don’t think it would turn many off to hear that from a partner. Only if that person was trying to have sexual relations with both sexes at the same time, ie not monogamous. I don’t think you should have to move and I am not even sure if you have the ability to do so. That was just the first thought that popped into my mind.

In terms of how to tell someone I thought about giving an opinion but really I have no experience and would rather defer to those who do.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

What I am going to say may/may not make sense to everyone.

You fall in love with….the person you fall in love with. Either sex. That’s how I feel looking over my life as a whole.

I am heterosexual. But I have a lot of gay men friends. Lots. Lots. And I love them all.

And honestly, there are some gay and bisexual men that I would much rather share my life with than some of the heterosexual men that I have encountered in my life. There might not be sex, but there is so much love and kindness and happiness, who cares? I’ve been in hetero relationships where there was no sex after a while. So, what’s the problem? In the end, it’s the friendship and the communication that lasts forever.

The happiest times of my life have been shared with the gay men in my life. My very best friend from childhood that I grew up with is a gay man. I’ve dated bisexual men. I’ve dated straight guys that I found out later were bisexual (Okay, so this was in high school when they were still in the closet, even to themselves.) I’ve dated gay men that were in conflict about their sexuality.

Love does not have a gender…Love just is.

Their orientation was secondary to this——they were all fabulous, wonderful, caring, loving, generous and fantastic guys. And that is what really, really counts. Not that they were gay or not gay or bi or whatever.

Bisexual? If you are bisexual…this is what you say: “Hello….I find you attractive, Myrna or Mabel or Annie or Gracie (whatever her name is) and I want you to know that I am bisexual.” Simple and done.

And if she runs for the hills…..honey, that’s okay. She wasn’t meant for you anyway.

If she stays…she’s a keeper.

Never, ever, ever be ashamed of who you are…you are still Divine, Divine, Divine! And there is a woman or a man out there for you.

I promise. :)

RedPowerLady's avatar

@DarlingRhadamanthus Love just is

Makes sense to me! GA.

Resistka's avatar

Oh I c, your Bisexual, Oh then I typed stuff about how to talk to chicks about Sex, Dang… I wanted to help, lol

Well I’ll help someone, like.. That Jon and Kate guy

Val123's avatar

Um, I guess I don’t understand why you would have to “discuss” what amounts to your personality with anyone….

MagsRags's avatar

If I were one of those potential girlfriends, your bisexuality would not be a deal breaker. I’d want to hear about it before we became sexually intimate, and I’d want to know a couple of other things.

Are you looking for a longterm monogamous relationship?
How conscientious have you been re: safer sex in your past relationships?
How recently have you been screened for STIs including HIV?

Women should be asking those questions of possible hetero partners too, BTW

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

If you are sexually attracted to both men and women and want to date either then that’s no big deal, potential dates can deal or not deal. If you choose a monogamous relationship with either sex then it’s probably a good idea to be clear with them that even though you’re attracted to both sexes, that doesn’t mean you’ll be any less committed; women may fear you’ll not be satisfied with just them and men may fear the same about women. What of your degree of attraction for each sex? if you fall deeply in love and a serious relationship results to where you’re thinking longterm, could you give up one sex for the other?

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@MagsRags….Good answer….forgot that part…...just took that for granted, I suppose. :)

ninjacolin's avatar

you could try to meet all your new girlfriends during bisexual threesomes. that’s a solution.

Violet's avatar

Go to an adult store? It really depends how sexual YOU are and how sexual you think they are.

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