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lostinyoureyes's avatar

Have you led someone on? Why?

Asked by lostinyoureyes (1121points) November 14th, 2009

Can you think of a time when you didn’t really like someone as much as he/she liked you, or just wasn’t really into him/her at all, but continued to make him/her think that you did? And why? Be honest please (low self-esteem, liked the attention, etc.). Thanks. I’m truly trying to understand the thought processes involved in this.

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23 Answers

trailsillustrated's avatar

because I needed somethng that person had. I felt really bad about it, and tried to make it worth it for them. but yeah, I’ve done it. Not a good place to have been.

Psychedelic_Zebra's avatar

Nope, never done it, that would be dishonest, and I don’t believe in treating people like that when it comes to matters of the heart.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

No but I have suspected the other way around where the person was seeing me because they believed no one else had ever been interested in them to the same degree but I wasn’t at the top of their natural attraction list. It was kind of obvious when they told me they liked super young girls with blonde hair and preferred fake tits and flashy clothes… so not me.

warpling's avatar

Been on the receiving end of things, but never the giving end

noelasun's avatar

Being completely honest,
I’ve done this before with someone because of who they saw me as. I was in a place where I was really struggling with who I was versus who I wanted to be, (good vs. bad, etc.) And here was this person, who saw me as, well, perfect.
Even though it was probably because they saw me as “perfect” I could never seriously consider being in a relationship with them, I desperately wanted to fool them and myself into thinking that I could be that “perfect” person they were seeing me as.
It took me a long time to let go of that person… Or, it took me a long time to fess up to the person and tell them I had no romantic feelings for them, because it took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t and never would become his “perfect” person.
I regret it whole-heartedly, and truly wish I’d done the correct thing sooner, but to be truthful, some moments, I miss being someone’s “perfect” person.
yes, I’m horrible. Sue me.

lostinyoureyes's avatar

@noelasun – No, your honesty makes you not a horrible person. This type of answer is exactly what I’m looking for. Thanks.

Parrappa's avatar

I don’t believe I have, but I know what it feels like. One of my friends used to always invite me to the movies, only right after to say, oh and can you take me? I never actually found out if he was just using me, but it seems pretty obvious.

I would only lead a person on if they truly deserve it.

casheroo's avatar

Yes. It was wrong. It’s done and over with.

I just want to know why @Psychedelic_Zebra whispered his response. He doesn’t want us to notice he’s a good guy!

lostinyoureyes's avatar

Thanks for your answer @casheroo , but can you say the reason why you did it?
I think @Psychedelic_Zebra knew he wasn’t really answering the question. I appreciate the feedback anyway though :) I would never do it either, but I would like to know why people have.

Facade's avatar

No, of course not~

casheroo's avatar

@lostinyoureyes Oops, sorry I didn’t answer that part.
I think my situation wasn’t because I didn’t like the guy. I think I was being selfish and keeping my options open. It was an ex, and I had met a knew guy and had been so in love with my ex..and he seemed like he really wanted to have another go, and I continued to sleep with him, but I knew in my heart I should move on and be with the new guy. I eventually ended it with him when I wanted to date the new guy.
Neither relationship worked out. That’s what happens when you get selfish.

filmfann's avatar

Yes, after breaking up with my first girlfriend, I was romance road-kill. I dated a girl who I didn’t care about, trying to find my feet again. I didn’t care for her at all, and never should have let it go as I did. In my defense, I had no idea how deeply effected I was. I still ache over that first romance.

gemiwing's avatar

Never intentionally.

Depending on who you ask I probably have. Sometimes it can be chalked up to a difference of what ‘leading on’ means. I’ll call once a week and ask how your day was- doesn’t mean (to me) that I was leading someone on. Yet I had an ex-friend accuse me of such.

drdoombot's avatar

I was the exact opposite many years ago. I had a girlfriend that I was just starting to get serious with and then I met a new girl at college who I developed a major crush on. I felt so horrible about leading my girlfriend on that I broke it off immediately, explaining the situation to her.

Biggest mistake I ever made. Should have just gotten over it and stuck with my girl.

Psychedelic_Zebra's avatar

@casheroo I whispered my answer because I didn’t really answer the question, I stated an opinion instead, as @lostinyoureyes noted.

kellylet's avatar

I have had my share of crushes and my share of people with crushes on me. I am a friendly, flirty person and I don’t really change because I think someone might “like” me. If they tell me about it, I am honest about their lack of a chance but my actions may be concidered misleading.

tyrantxseries's avatar

Yes I have led someone on, alot of people
I do it with friends/family/co-workers/girlfriends ect.. I am “only” me when alone or online
I have done it for awhile now, and I plan on doing it for the rest of my life.
I do not do this to gain anything from anyone, or to hurt anyone, I don’t have low self-esteem, I don’t like the attention. in fact it is stressful and alot of work
I don’t know why I do it I have reasons I use to try to convince myself what I’m doing is a good thing but in the end I don’t know or care

lostinyoureyes's avatar

@gemiwing – I can see how that could be mistaken for leading someone on. Most people aren’t thoughtful like that. It’s nice how you go out of your way to ask about someone’s day though, I’m sure it makes that person’s day better.
@tyrantxseries – Thanks for your response. Do you mind sharing those reasons?

viainfested's avatar

I’ve done this a few times. I regret it, every part about it. I was either nervous or not completely ready and just decided to jump into it anyway. Or I never planned on dating the person, but I didn’t stop it from happening. I was afraid of being honest because of how much they cared for me, I didn’t want to hurt them, though it was inevitable. I wanted to be that perfect person for them, but I just couldn’t. I was never happy.

All of that started to happen after this one guy I dated led me on, ended up cheating on me, lied about it for 2 years, then after we started seeing each other again he told me the truth… then he left me again for the same girl… because I was an idiot. I wish I would have been the better person instead of doing the same thing to others.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

No,I haven’t done that.I don’t use people.

sarahjane90's avatar

Sometimes it just happens. A person could have gone through a difficult breakup, or has issues with their self esteem. I have had an experience like this, where I was at a place where I found it difficult to be alone. So, I met someone, who I did like, but it was more like I had been ‘convincing’ myself that I wanted to be with them. Now, I realize that that only contributed to me being more unhappy. Also, the attention could certainly be a motivation for someone to lead a person on.

Aster's avatar

Thinking back 85 years, I’d say I was not leading anyone on exactly . That means you purposely make them think you’re nuts over them for an ulterior motive. No; that has a cruel element to it. I will say there were a few nice guys who mistakenly thought I felt more about them than I did just because I kept dating them, I liked dating them, but I was looking for (and found) someone who knocked my socks off.
Socks. lol

bkcunningham's avatar

Once, many, many years ago when I was 18. I enjoyed the benefits of free alcohol, ummm hummm other substances, dancing, fun, access into a private club and the feeling of excitement and notoriaty at being seen with someone everyone considered marvelous.

We actually never even kissed, but I knew he wanted our relationship to go further than I was willing to go. He was somewhat older than me (late-20s) and I think he liked being seen with someone younger. We did this mating dance for an entire summer until I met someone who I was interested in being serious with. This person broke my heart and I realized that you do really reap what you sow. It was part of growing up and a great learning experience for me.

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