Social Question

Jude's avatar

How would you deal with a jealous significant other?

Asked by Jude (32112points) June 23rd, 2010

(Not a question about me).

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

23 Answers

janedelila's avatar

I’m the jealous one. Interested to see what people say. I’m workin on it…

Blackberry's avatar

I don’t have time in my life for that petty highchool bullshit. If it becomes a problem that I have to correct multiple times, it’s over.

Likeradar's avatar

What’s the jealousy about?

When I’ve been in situations with a jealous partner, I reverse it in my head. How would I feel if he was doing what I’m doing? If I wouldn’t be cool with it, I adjust my behavior. If I think he’s out of line and the jealousy is about something that’s important to me, we have a serious talk and it could end the relationship if we don’t come to an agreement I’m comfortable with.
It’s really important to me to be able to maintain a sense of who I am in my relationships.

tinyfaery's avatar

I wouldn’t. Jealousy is a deal-breaker ladies.

Pandora's avatar

It depends to what degree. My husband was pretty jealous the first few years of our marriage but once he didn’t feel so insecure there were no worries after that. I think it may tend to happen in any new relationship. I was even jealous the first few years. But we never took it too far to the point where we seemed to mistrust the other person totally. It was simply moments of insecurity. If however he had been the type of person that needed constant reassurance, I’m pretty sure I would’ve dropped him way before we married. I was never attracted to insecure men.

Jude's avatar

(@faery, why is ladies in small text?)

janedelila's avatar

@tinyfaery are you talking to me? I’m seriously working on it…realizing that my insecurities hold me back. I have the best best boyfriend. He’s helping. So, @jjmah maybe I’ll ask him when he wakes up how he deals with me. Heheh.

JLeslie's avatar

If they are jealous all of the time, which I find typically winds up being very possessive controlling behavior in the end, then I say dump the person. If a relationship is just going through a spell of jealousy, I would do my best to make my SO feel secure in our relationship. Make sure they always know where I am, express my feelings for them, whatever it takes so they feel secure again

Now, even though my initial words were kind of rough on the jealous person, I do want to mention that if the other person in the relationship is actually overly flirtatious with other people, doesn’t regularly check in with their SO, shows up late, talks about other men/women like they are more imprtant than their SO, or are actually cheating, then they are creating the jealousy and they suck.

YARNLADY's avatar

I agree, jealousy is a deal breaker, not that I would have any personal knowledge.

JLeslie's avatar

@janedelila Why are you jealous? What does he do that makes you not trust him?

Adagio's avatar

To those with jealous partners: If necessary, work really hard on not believing or being convinced the jealousy of another is your fault.

lillycoyote's avatar

If he was irrationally jealous, unreasonably jealous, jealous a lot, or consumed by jealousy to a point that it was causing problems in the relationship, I would dump him. If he was just kind of, a little bit jealous, just sometimes, I would find it flattering and charming and keep him around. It’s a matter of degree. Someone whose jealousy is unreasonable, as in not rational isn’t going to change and someone can’t be expected to defend themselves against “accusations”, and unreasonable jealousy is a sort of accusation that you somehow can’t be trusted, throughout a relationship. And it is kind of a red flag, that someone is controlling and has some serious “issues.” Why would anyone mentally healthy person put themselves through constantly defending themselves against the jealousy of their partner? Trust, one of the basic building blocks of a solid, loving relationship.

janedelila's avatar

@JLeslie We have come to find out together that it is definitely a control issue. I was never jealous before I got with him, and hopefully I’ll leave it behind. The reason why is personal (but not x-rated or typical) and if you really want to know, PM me and I will be happy to tell you. And @Adagio excellent answer!

tinyfaery's avatar

“It’s a deal breaker ladies is from 30 Rock

Jude's avatar

Oh. I don’t watch 30 rock. Although, I do love Tina Fey.

primigravida's avatar

I don’t think every jealous person is guilty of “petty highschool bullshit,” some people just lack self confidence. Maybe it’s not even their fault. Maybe they were abused, sheltered as a kid, who knows? I think the fact that the jealous party has owned up in this situation (without really needing to, mind you) and said they genuinely want to work on it, is a HUGE step in the right direction. I don’t really know how to overcome a situation like this to be honest, but hopefully as long as you both are honest and keep communicating with each other, you’ll get through it!

JLeslie's avatar

@janedelila Oh, not necessary, unless you want to explain, feel free to PM me. Good you are working it out.

Zaku's avatar

Depends on the nature of the jealousy.

I like it when my SO wants my romantic love all to herself, in moderation. I like an intimate relationship where most or all of the romance is between the two of us.

When my SO is suspecting me of infidelity with no good reason, wanting to know where I am at all times, questioning and cross-examining me, and wanting to punch out girls that look my way, I’ve been in that relationship and hated it, and won’t accept that again. What I actually did in that case, was put up with it and resent it, and after a very long time, leave. Yuck. What I would do now is talk about it, talk about my past feelings, try to come to a new agreement, explain what would and would not work for me, and see if that gets respected. If it isn’t, then it isn’t the relationship I want, so I’d explain that and leave.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I wouldn’t deal with it – it is simply one of the first things I discuss before entering into a relationship – that it will not be tolerated.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

If jealousy goes over the limit, you simply cannot get used to it and you definitely cannot do anything about it! There is nothing worse than having someone questioning your every move, thought, expression, outing, action, look in a certain direction etc. Prison seems a lighter sentence than an overly jealous partner. Jealously slowly “eats away” at you and that sick partner, it is a caustic experience!

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Discuss the situation with my SO. They may have past experiences that I’m not aware of that have made them sensitive to this. Maybe I’ve done something that has caused it even if it was unintentional. Only honest, open communication will allow them to work through any issue.

lillycoyote's avatar

Wow! I totally misread this question. I thought it said to the U.K. not from the U.K. I am going to stay off fluther until I become literate again. Though I think I may be becoming senile and may have to stay off fluther permanently.

kirkratliff's avatar

Everyone gets a little jealous at some point. Some guys (and girls) take it to far though. Just keep communication open and respect there feelings as long as there not to crazy. I had a friend who didn’t want his girl wearing tank tops in public when he wasn’t around… tank tops people! That’s a little extreme. But if you and your partner are on good terms and maybe they doesn’t want you hanging out with a member of the opposite sex alone, cut them some slack. All depends on the situation my friends.

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