Does it just floor you how some people can be so self-destructive and so self-defeating...and not even realize it?
Asked by
Val123 (
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December 12th, 2009
I was talking to a girl the other day. She was working on her GED because she needed to get a job because her husband wasn’t working. They had moved here from some other state. I asked what her husband was skilled in, and she said welding. Well, I see ads for welders quite often around here, and they make better than average money. Here, $17, $18 is a darn good starting wage, plus our cost of living here is lower than average.
Well, I told her that I often saw ads for welders, and she said, “Yes. But he can’t get near as much here as he can where we used to live. He’d start at $20 an hour there and he can only get $17 starting here! So he says it’s just not worth even applying for those jobs”
WTH???? And she just seemed to accept that “explanation” with no question…I got the impression she actually sympathized with her husband!
Do you know anyone like that?
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That is not an explanation, it is an excuse. Where I worked at in Fairbanks workers got 15 an hour with no experience to start. Here, around 10 an hour, same job. It didn’t stop me from accepting work. I suspect it has nothing to do with a defeatist attitude in that case: He saw an opportunity to do less, and he took it. Don’t get me wrong, I would love extra time off, as much as the next guy, and their are times when I do feel so low like it is just not worth it to try anymore. But that is just plain ridiculous to use that as an excuse to not have a job when your family is broke, especially during the holidays. What’s he gonna say? “Sorry we don’t have presents, daddy felt like having some time off.” (I know presents aren’t the main idea behind Christmas, but trying telling a child that.)
Are they getting money from another source?
He’s surely skilled at choosing who to marry.
@MrBr00ks Agreed! I need work, badly. Sure, I’d like to start out at $14 an hour, which is what I was making at my last job, but if I have to settle for $10, I will!
@ratboy Yeah….
@faye I don’t know them at all….this was just a passing conversation I had with a stranger. But I assume they aren’t. If they were, and weren’t hurting for money, why would she be working on her GED so she can get herself a minimum wage job?
So sad! I wish I could just shake people into seeing what is right in front of them, sometimes.
To your question, I do think that all of us have certain blind spots, and don’t realize it all the time when we are actually shooting ourselves in the foot. Even the smaller things, like perceiving ourselves as not good at something, often leads us not to try as hard as we should. When I was in highschool, I didn’t think I was smart, and never did my homework. In reality, I was very bored with school, but I was also intelligent. Many years later, I went to college, and shocked myself when I graduated with a 4.0. I went on, got an MBA, and am now almost done with my dissertation to complete my doctorate. My self-talk about not being smart, or not being a good student, led me to behave as if I couldn’t succeed in highschool, and for a few years after that in my work life. I’m really glad I finally woke up, but it was with the help of a loved one “shaking” me until I saw what was right in front of me.
@juwhite1 That’s very true! But, I guess the fact that his wife seemed to completely agree with him put a different twist on it…
Yeah…. the case you described is particularly pathetic!
Like @ratboy said, the guy picked the right partner to help him stay down.
She sounds less self-defeating and more co-dependent to me.
I wonder if she ever stopped to think that he isn’t likely to make even the lesser welding pay doing something else that he has no work experience for.
Boy have I ever known people like that!
Auntie Em! Auntie Em! It’s me! Dorthy! You from Kansas?
Yes…she’s an enabler big time (although think the term “disabler” is more appropriate.)
I wonder why they moved if it was so good in the other state?
@JLeslie IDK….something about…having family here….
@Val123
no, I’m from Arizona the heat may kill me but the tornado never wil!!!l
Disabler, I think I’d like to borrow that. lol
@AuntieEm My Mom figured that out….in the end one is not a “enabler” but a “disabler.”
ARIZONA??? That is no place for you, Auntie Em!
@Val123 – LOL. Arizona is the only place for me. I love it except when I don’t :)
@AuntieEm I have the same love/hate relationship with Kansas! Tornado season is something everyone looks forward to, btw. Srsly!
it’s because it gives them something other than the flat scenery to look at.
@MrBr00ks LOL! That’s part of it! No beaches or mountains here, but not as flat as the stereotype suggests. No, the biggest thing is…the awesome power of the storms. It’s something to experience.
(Give it a sec to load properly, please.) The sights, combined with the sounds, and the feel of it all on your skin….it’s awesome.
that is cool. My dad tried to run away from a tornado when he lived there as a kid. Him and his sister jumped into a ditch and it went by, super close to them, not sure if it went over them or not.
@MrBr00ks I have only seen one tornado in my life! My husband and I chased the storm till the tornado dropped out of it. It was, by far, the best tornado in the world!
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