Social Question

nope's avatar

Why are you friends with people?

Asked by nope (1804points) December 21st, 2009

This is so stupid, but I was watching iCarly tonight, on the Disney channel. It’s the one where Carly & Sam break up (at least, temporarily, I haven’t seen the end yet, because this question occurred to me). They’re obviously the best of friends, and get in an argument that temporarily makes them think that maybe they don’t really want to be friends.

This got me to thinking about my own friends…I have a number of them, and really, they are all friends for some of the same reasons, and many different ones. Like my best friend, whom I can tell just about anything, and who will never judge me for who I am, I can’t imagine getting in a conflict with him. I have other friends who are relaxing to hang out with, but may never know the true me.

What are your thoughts on this? Why are you friends with people?

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58 Answers

Ivan's avatar

Good question.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

Because I enjoy their company, and like to bounce ideas off them, support them through the hard times and receive support during my difficulties.

AstroChuck's avatar

I doubt you were watching iCarly on The Disney Channel.

nope's avatar

@AstroChuck Okay, okay, maybe Nickelodeon. Whatever…I get confused, my kids watch both.

SamIAm's avatar

i’m friends with people because i like them. i’m selective because it’s not worth it to have so many friends who aren’t worth be friends with. but i also have certain friends for certain reasons (i.e. the friend i can call to bs vs the friend i call when i need good advice vs the friend i call when i need to hear the opposite pov)

phillis's avatar

Primarily, humans are hard-wired to live, work and play in packs. Think about it. You put up with so much SHIT from people. Doesn’t it make sense that you would leave? Does it make any sense that you stay? Yet, we’re all slaves to it. If you did leave, you’d be labeled everything but a Christian from every section of society, from psychiatrists to family members. So, you give it your best shot and deal with what you’ve been handed. Everything we are is because of other people who lived in groups for millenia. It is basic survival of the species.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

Each of my friends have different qualities that I like. Example: my best friend is someone who I can tell anything to and she’ll give me her honest opinion. I never feel uncomfortable around her and we just understand each other. One of my other friends is someone who is fun for going out and having a good time with. We share clothes and chit chat about materialistic things. She’s good for having an evening of drunken fun. Everyone offers something different.

wundayatta's avatar

I like to be friends with people because it is much nicer than the alternative.

lillycoyote's avatar

I’ve messed up a lot of things in my life but the one thing I have done well is to choose my friends wisely and well. I’m friends with my friends because they are smart, and funny and interesting, they crack me up and make me cry and warm my heart and make me feel solid and real. And because they have never given up on me. Because they put up with me. Because they have seen me at my best and at my worst and are still my friends. Because I like them, because I love them. Because I can’t imagine my life, over the years, without them. I don’t have a whole lot of friends, but the ones I have are keepers. I’ve known them all for years. What else am I suppose to do with them? I’m stuck with them, and they’re stuck with me, for better or worse. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Freedom_Issues's avatar

Because I enjoy their company and don’t want to be lonely.

Darwin's avatar

I like to be friends with people so I can beg them for favors. ~

No, actually, I enjoy the company of other people at times, especially those who have an interest in something besides gossip and hair.

phillis's avatar

@strange1 oh, stop it :)

frigate1985's avatar

Friends…simply said, are like a big chocolate milkshake.
They comfort you in sadness, congratulates you in happiness, makes you happy when depressed etc.
I really enjoy giving caring amd cheerful words to my friends because they feel happier and in turn, I also get happiness and their trust and gratefulness for me. I think that’s why…

talljasperman's avatar

Because two brains are better than one, and some of us believe in teamwork… the alternative is loneliness and “no man is an island”... but for me I have lots of acquaintances and few friends because I have standards… I will still help anyone who needs it, but I need some qualities before I let someone into my inner-circle…for some people its social skills and others its wealth, for me its trustworthiness, brains and wisdom…. That’s why I hang out with people who like to think and share.

strange1's avatar

@phillis i have plenty of human aquanances i like to call freinds, and they generally are, but our cats love and devotion never falters or wanes, theyre perceptive and know if youre upset, our eldest cat kept vigil over all our babies like a doting mother always running upstairs when she heard crying! and with all their siamesy chit chat you KNOW its always something nice theyre saying:)

Darwin's avatar

@strange1 – Actually, I find our dogs are more like friends. They want to hang around with us all the time and they talk constantly. The cats only emerge when they figure we are going to sit down for a while so they can get warm.

strange1's avatar

@Darwin we have one dog here and he just thinks belly belly belly! but since hes been here we lost him a bit of weight and hes more active cats sleep most of the day but when they emerge they like to play

phillis's avatar

I know all that. But they can’t drive you to the ER, they can’t cook your meals when you’re a paraplegic, and they can’t flush the toilet. Face it – humans are better because they are tailored to serve each other’s needs. Doesn’t that sound selfish? It is! But we’re designed that way. For instance, I noticed you said “our” several times. If you’re cats were better, your other half would be out like the Flintsones cat – right on her ass. That was my point.

strange1's avatar

@phillis ha ha i cant deny that of course! as usual there is a point i have missed, you havent caught me on a perceptive day lol thanks phillis:) brb, just got to put the wife out !

phillis's avatar

Don’t worry. I don’t doubt your mental faculties. It was an observation, nothing more :)

strange1's avatar

but i do have thiese totally dumb days lol

Merriment's avatar

I’m friends with people because their neuroses are compatible with my own.

Berserker's avatar

So I can bum stuff from them.

forgewolf's avatar

because you share common interests and that’s why your comfortable to be with them.

SABOTEUR's avatar

I don’t have any friends.

_Jade_'s avatar

Primarily because it’s preferable to being enemies with them.

AnnieB's avatar

Life is more pleasant with good people in it.

Cotton101's avatar

Loving others is the secret to living a happy life. So, my friends are very important to me! We take the good with the bad! You stay with them, that would be “true blue friends,” through thick and thIn. Have friends that we have been that way for 50 years!

JustPlainBarb's avatar

My friends are people who make me smile and laugh… accept me for who I am… are there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on… and just make my life a little more worthwhile! Hopefully, I can do the same for them too!

aprilsimnel's avatar

Support. Fun. My best friends make me want to be a better person. We see each other with all our “good” and “bad” methods of coping and behavior, yet care about each other anyway.

Good friends are the family who chooses each other! And thank Bob for that, because some of us have bio-families we should go near even if we wore asbestos suits.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Hear, hear @strange1 . For unconditional loyalty, four legged friends are better. There are professional colleagues and a few aquaintances. My only true friend is gone now.

ubersiren's avatar

It’s nice to have someone to share things with, good or bad. It’s good to have support and love. I’ve had the same best friends since 7th grade, and the few others of our group were added in high school, so we’ve all been very close for 14–17 years. I like us just the way we are. I wouldn’t know what to do with new or different friends.

CaptainHarley's avatar

It’s often because they have a good sense of humor. I have trouble understanding those who don’t, and it’s one of the things I look for in a friend.

strange1's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land thankyou im sorry to hear that:(

CaptainHarley's avatar

Oh yeah… another thing I look for is what I think of as “resonableness.” I seldom have friends, especially close ones, that subscribe to all sorts of weird ideas. I have a considerable bias against conspiracy theorists. : )

Pseudonym's avatar

I think that it’s because people need to talk to other people. That’s a fact. When somebody is put in an abandoned place for long enough, he or she goes insane. So to find somebody that’s kind of like yourself, well, you just have to make them your friend.

strange1's avatar

@Pseudonym just like in your avatar? hahahaha:)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I do not have many close friends but the ones I do have I am extremely loyal to and this is because they are genuinely good people, they are intelligent people who question the world around them and who are supportive of all my so-called deviance…my best friend, he’s an inspiration to me, I learn so much from him…and I can not say that about many people…he challenges me to consider other perspectives on an issue, which is something, again, not many people can do, imo. We have been side by side for years, we have supported each other’s darkness and light and when I see his face, just seeing his face makes me calm down

Polly_Math's avatar

Because I’m friendly and I enjoy people.

Soubresaut's avatar

Because they think, they’re funny, they’re nice, I love them, I’d be lost without them… Pretty much what everyone else has said. It’s kind of interesting to see how we all have our different friends in our different lives for more or less the same reasons…

But also because for me, loneliness is incredibly painful, physically painful.

Because they, for whatever reason, choose to love me, too, and I couldn’t get rid of them even if I tried, even if I wanted which I would never want, and never try

I’ve thought about that whole pack idea, too. But I don’t think that’s the only reason. Yes, we “need” each other, we’re wired to “want” each other, but we’re not friends with everyone, not even close! At some point we do get to choose our friends, people we’re close to. While we may be doomed to have friends, we’re not doomed as to who those friends are. I think that says something. I don’t think there’s an easy ‘biological’ answer, one that purely evolution can explain. It may explain a lot, but there’s something else to it. Or maybe I just want to think there’s more to my friendships than chemical reactions in my brain, idk ; )

…I’m friends with these people people I love the energy they give off. (I’m a dancer! Energy is very important!)

Also, because while the rest of the world stares at me and judges me, sees my flaws, and while I keep expecting these friends to see what the world does, they don’t care. They love me for my imperfections even more than my abilities!! I can’t even understand it… Although I feel the same way about them, and that feels completely natural, unchangable.

So I guess I’m friends with them because something worked, something just seems, or feels, right when I’m with them. The world makes more sense with them in my lives. And is unfathomable without them.

Ghost_in_the_system's avatar

The people that I claim as friends bring things to the table that I like/need. Things ranging from a warped sense of humor to problems to focus on that are not mine.

J0E's avatar

They offer something I can’t. They are generally interesting people. I enjoy their company. I don’t hate them.

Utta_J's avatar

Because you have that certain person who understands you the most.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@J0E lol “I don’t hate them” – is why I still haven’t murdered anyone

phil196662's avatar

Different friends have different opinions on everything, the more angles you have the better you can avoid getting it wrong.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

My friends are those whose values and attitudes are compatible with my own. I appreciate those who like to get involved in things consistent with their values and I am pleased to join them in making things happen. My friends, regardless of formal education, are well informed in some subjects in which I share an interest. We enjoy discussing and even arguing in a civilized manner to clarify and develop our own view and goals. I love working with friend to problem solve. I enjoy exploring activities that they enjoy and I like taking them with me to do things I like to do. We know that in a pinch, our friends will find a way to help us if and when we need it.

Good friends are hard to find but the effort is worth it.

wundayatta's avatar

I should be friends with fish? [imagine Jewish dude at a deli saying this while shrugging his shoulders.

Darwin's avatar

@phillis – I hate to tell you this, but it is quite possible to teach both dogs and cats to flush the toilet for you. However, dogs do it upon request, and cats do it because they like the sound, especially at 2 in the morning.

It isn’t wise to teach a cat to flush but it is quite possible.

Pandora's avatar

I’m friends with people because then my world would be even smaller than what it is. Plus its hard to have a conversation with yourself with different views. You will always know what the other person is going to say.

phillis's avatar

@Darwin – yep! I knew dogs could, but aren’t the handles too hard to push downward for kitties?

Darwin's avatar

@phillis – Cats can and do flush, but most of them use their body weight to pull the handle down. Even “Snopes“ agrees that they can and do flush. There are a few videos out there that document it.

phillis's avatar

Now, see? You guys promised me I would become ore intelliegent here, and just look at me now :)


Just playing with you, @Darwin. I have some great videos tho show now. Thanks!

philosopher's avatar

Friendships are usually based on common interest .

Master's avatar

Been asking myself the same thing!

OneMoreMinute's avatar

Because my cats can’t keep a conversation going for more than a few meows. And I’m tired of hearing about the same old hairball stories.

hotgirl67's avatar

I am friends with people because I am drawn to them in certain ways. For instance if we share common interests and I feel like I can really talk to them without being judged, then I feel like I can trust them.My friends are similar to me in certain ways but also allow me to be different.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

I am friends with the people I am friends with because I like them and enjoy their company.

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