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zander101's avatar

Relationships with friends (see below)

Asked by zander101 (630points) October 6th, 2013

Has anyone ever experienced being friends with someone however they have a friend that doesn’t like you?

Scenario: Your at a friend’s house talking and hanging out, until suddenly they let you know that they have a friend that you know isn’t a fan of you, pretty much can’t stand being in the same room and you have to leave.

In addition with another mutual friend there are plans to meet with however plans change to accommodate the friend that doesn’t like and you and they end up making plans to meet up but your excluded out because of the dislike….


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6 Answers

marinelife's avatar

I would dump this friend. They obviously value their other friend more than you. Who needs it being rubbed in your face all the time?

KNOWITALL's avatar

A friend wouldn’t put you in that position if he knew the sit. But you can clear it up easily with an honest text.

Kardamom's avatar

Unless you have done something, inadvertently or on purpose, to make the other friend not like you, then the mutual friend is being kind of rude to simply throw you out, when the other friend comes calling.

I’m guessing there might be more to this story than you’re letting us know. Care to share a little more?

How long have you known the mutual friend and are you very close, and has this relationship changed recently (beyond this particular situation with the person who doesn’t like you).

Is there a reason you suspect the other friend doesn’t like you? Has your mutual friend told you why the other person doesn’t like you? Is it possible that the other person is jealous of your friendship? Is it possible that you did something, on purpose or not, that upset the other friend, like coming on to his girlfriend or simply having a potty mouth, or lying/exaggerating/gossiping about him? Think hard before you answer these questions, I’m sure you have some idea why the other person doesn’t like you.

As for your mutual friend, in general, I think it is very rude of him to kick you out the door whenever this other friend comes calling, but I’m wondering if the mutual friend is trying to somehow balance all of this without losing both of you (and just not doing a very good job of it).

I once had a very good friend, for about 10 years, once her longtime boyfriend dumped her, she became very insecure and started gravitating to people (males and females) that weren’t the nicest people. One in particular was this very annoying/stupid/jealous girl that only wanted to hang around with my friend one on one. She didn’t want anyone else to be around when they were hanging out. My friend was used to having everyone know each other and get along, so on the few times we all hung out together, I got a really bad vibe from this other girl (even though I had done nothing to offend her) and I could tell that she was very clingy and insecure. Because the clingy girl was also useful to my friend, in a financial way and because their boyfriends were friends, lending that to couples nights out, I got relegated to the back burner. This friend even told me that the girl was clingy and insecure, but she explained that she needed her financial support for a business she was starting. My friend started making a lot of bad choices and kept making and breaking plans with me, until I had finally had enough. I realized that although we had been very good and close friends for a long time, I didn’t fit into the new scheme of her life. And poof! I was out of her life.

If this mutual friend is someone who you value, have a heart to heart talk with him about the other friend. Try to find out exactly why the other person doesn’t like you, and either make amends to that person, or explain to your friend that you are rather hurt by being kicked to the curb whenever this other person comes along, and what would he suggest doing to remedy this situation. If, on the other hand, your friend has changed, consider walking away from the situation.

rojo's avatar

I would stay and irritate the piss out of both of them, and, yes, I have been in this situation although it was many, many years ago in my teen years.

Sunny2's avatar

Yes, but not since I became an adult, However, your question has made me think of another, related question.

zander101's avatar

@Kardamom in high school I said something about someone and it wasn’t taken lightly I was shunned for it to this day I don’t even recall what was said was labelled a snitch in addition a person I knew got jumped and because I was there I got called as a witness and it filled the snitch label more. Once we were all in the same room together and from an emotional standpoint I was extremely uncomfortable with which caused me to lashout at another friend for not telling me that person was there.

I’m at the point of my life where I realize one of my strengths and its that I have a big heart and if I consider you a friend I will go out of my way to help I don’t take kindly of not being notified of certain things and it causes me to over think if I feel uncomfortable I get extremely silent. Then I get labelled as anti social I’ve been burned alot in my life and I try to pick who I talk to cause everything is not what it seems

@Sunny2 which question are you referring to

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