Social Question

swifflexx3's avatar

What should you do when a guy you kind of have a relationship with just wants to be friends?

Asked by swifflexx3 (66points) January 29th, 2010

I met this guy at my friends house a couple weeks ago and after talking for a couple hours we kissed. The next weekend we went out together (I’m still not sure if it was a date….). And it went very well (kissed yet again). The only bad part of the night was when he mentioned that he did not want a girlfriend because he was moving in a couple months and doesnt want to go through a breakup. We decided to talk about it the next time we hung out. Which is now in 2 days. What should i do….?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

34 Answers

phil196662's avatar

Call him! and where is he moving to that’s so far away?

generalspecific's avatar

well you have two choices, 1) accept his wishes because if he doesn’t want to be in a relationship you can’t really make him, and why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to anyway? or 2) bother him until he gets back with you and have an unhappy relationship because that’s not a very sound foundation.

swifflexx3's avatar

i wouldnt know what to sayyy
and he’s only going like an hour away i believe

aprilsimnel's avatar

Don’t kiss him anymore, unless you can handle the fact that this is all you’re gonna get.

Don’t expect him to change his mind.

john65pennington's avatar

Ever heard of destiny? everything in life happens for a reason and this may be your shot at finding mr. right. you know how you feel and how this person has made you feel. if your feelings for this person are that strong, then tell him. you just never know what will happen next. take it slow with him, but do not lose contact. some things are just meant to be and you will never know, if you do not make the effort to know him better. leave sex out of the equasion and just let your emotions guide you. talk it out.

phil196662's avatar

@swifflexx3 ; An hour- that’s not far… now another state, that’s far. Call him and ask him what her -really_ thinks of you! Did you feel a connection?

@john65pennington ; my exact thought!

marinelife's avatar

I think you should decide what you want to do: be friends or just drop him.

An hour away is a dealbreaker if neither of you drives yet.

He has already told you he doesn’t want a girlfriend.

swifflexx3's avatar

i dont want to call him because it is friday night and i dont want to seem like a creeper that cant just wait a day. no one can blame me for that.

and i really like him. we can both drive so an hour isnt that bad.
and i wasnt planning on kissing him or anything until we work it out…. but i just dont know what to say to him.

deni's avatar

how far away is he moving? even if its somewhat far that doesnt mean it has to end…

deni's avatar

oh didnt see that sorry. an hour is no reason to not have a relationship if things are going well and you really feel like its right.

marinelife's avatar

@swifflexx3 If you want to talk to him about it, ask if he likes you. Tell him you like him and would like to see where things go.

Then you will know by his response whether he was just grabbing a few kisses and using the move for an excuse.

njnyjobs's avatar

I probably would listen to what he has to say. Depending on what I hear, I should probably, 1, wish him luck and stay the hell away from him or 2, give him a chance to grow into the idea.

Steve_A's avatar

Maybe you need to find out if this guy is really interested in you, because if its only an hour drive to meet you and he says no then maybe he sees as a way out.

Or he wants to hook-up and is making it clear right now, that you won’t be his girlfriend.

Just going to have to ask him, would he be willing to do it even with an hour drive.

Fred931's avatar

@swifflexx3 You don’t have to wait until you physically meet with him again to discuss this. It is the information age, after all.

Just try to have an honest, complete discussion. Don’t make it a text message conversation.

swifflexx3's avatar

by the way when i say he is leaving in a couple of months…. its at least 7.
thats a pretty long time…..

@Fred931 the last time we tried to talk about it was through text. thats why we decided just to wait til we see each other

Fred931's avatar

@swifflexx3 That’s why I recommended the phone call. real conversations don’t happen through text (excluding seriously-toned e-mails); communicate with each other with your own god-given voices. Cursewords on the text message.

swifflexx3's avatar

@Fred931 should i call or just wait til i see him though….

phil196662's avatar

I would call him and say hi so he knows you want to see him.

swifflexx3's avatar

but i feel weird calling on a friday night…
he is prob out or something. i dont know…

Fred931's avatar

@swifflexx3 Then call him on his cell, say no to the texting conversation, and ask when he will have ten or twenty minutes to talk with you.

phil196662's avatar

Don’t feel weird, just put up your radar and if he seems buisey then don’t have a long conversation, If he really can’t talk you will get his vm.

Fred931's avatar

it might take more or less time to have the discussion, of course, depending on how you talk, how much, and how deep the conversation goes. Too many variables to give a good estimate.

swifflexx3's avatar

i feel like i would seem desperate though.
i talk to him too much….

Fred931's avatar

@swifflexx3 I’m not trying to be rude, but you are being pessimistic. Call him, ask for 15 minutes of his time, and discuss the situation. You’re not desperate, you just want a serious, truthful answer. That’s perfectly logical.

However, if you really can’t induce yourself to ring him at this point in time, that would be just as understandable. Of course, I really do think that a phone call would work just fine. All you two need to do is discuss things.

swifflexx3's avatar

gahhhh
i cant decide
im so indecisive… haha

octopussy's avatar

You say you met him at a friends house, have you asked your friend if she has any info on him, like past relationships or his character type? If he’s only moving an hour away and not for another 7 months then it sounds like this is a cop out excuse to me.
I wouldn’t be ringing him before your next meeting, go along to your next meeting and tell him you really enjoyed his company last week and you would love to hang out again some time and see what he has to say, you’ll know by his answers whether to push it any further. Good luck!

phil196662's avatar

Nervous… ok- relax have a snack and call him and tell him “We have had a nice time the past few times we were together and I want to talk, an hour’s distance is not that far if we feel like we have something between us. Can we meet sometime over the weekend?”

Ok??? If it feels like something is there then there should be no reason not to call him.

Because this is how i got my Wife- not hesitating too long!

swifflexx3's avatar

@phil196662 but the thing is we already decideded we are seeing each other this weekend…..

phil196662's avatar

Ahhh- good…but reinforcement is a good thing. give him a call just to say hi and that your looking forward to seeing him and that you had a nice time at the (where you were last time you were together)...

LethalCupcake's avatar

Just let it go girl… Move On

borderline_blonde's avatar

At least he’s being honest with you. I would let him go… you’ve only known him for two weeks, so your heart can’t get broken at this point. Plus he’ll have a lot more respect for you in the long run if you let him leave without holding onto his ankles.

evandad's avatar

Deal with it

bean's avatar

big excuse…. moving away isn’t a justified reason to not want a girlfriend…. he just doesn’t want to be with you…. it’s his excuse and he just likes to make out… go be with some one else who likes you enough… cuz this guy isn’t worth the trouble.
You be the one to tell him you don’t want to have a relationship with him…. it might get him thinking… but be really nice an understand about it… besides, he’s the one who’s already put it out there.

Self_Consuming_Cannibal's avatar

You just have to accept the fact that that’s what he wants and ask yourself is having him as a friend better than not having him at all.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther