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allergictoeverything's avatar

What do you do when a person you love hurts you twice?...

Asked by allergictoeverything (105points) February 18th, 2010

I’m a 21 year old male, and I just got dumped at the end of January last month. I was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend for nearly 3 and a half years, and I haven’t felt this crappy in a very..long..time..

I found out recently that just days after we broke up…she started seeing someone else. I’m honestly shattered, and I have no idea what to do anymore. Just two months ago, we seemed so lovey dovey, and she seemed completely devoted to me…and now…people tell me that she’s already completely moved on, and she’s in love with someone else.

I’m in university, and I have two midterms and a 5 page anthropology paper due next week, and I seriously can’t pull myself together to study…what should I do?

And to make matters worse, we were supposed to transfer schools together next year, and we were supposed to live together (because the school’s out of town)...but it’s not happening anymore, as people tell me she’s not going to transfer anymore. I’m not doing particularly well in school, and I feel like I’m a mess…does anybody have any advice on how I could study at a time like this?

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21 Answers

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

There’s no real nice way to say you have more important things to do.
Finish your work.
This girl will be a distant memory after midterms.
Put your head down and pound through this shit.

If she’s already moved on, she’s means more to you than you meant to her.

faye's avatar

Can you promise yourself to breakdown after exams? This sometimes works for me. Someone just posted on another thread that living better is the best revenge.

allergictoeverything's avatar

Sighhhhhhh..i’s so hard to focus. Like…prior to the breakup, I was already doing pretty poorly. I’m 21, and I’m only in my second year of university. And I STILL havent decided on a major yet. Friends who are my age are already graduating next year…I feel like I’m stuck in a rut…

allergictoeverything's avatar

Like…I feel like we planned for so many things…things that we both wanted to do in the future. And to realize now that…its no longer going to happen…like…I’m really outta words…

And the worse thing is that…we were a pretty “dependent” couple…like…while we dated, we pretty much cut off all connections with friends, and we only did things AS a couple. So everywhere I go now, and everything I do reminds me of her…I cant get her out of my head…

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Now you’re starting to dwell on it.
Stop that!

You’re bigger than this break up.

allergictoeverything's avatar

And to think that this new guy might have a chance to replace me, and do all these things with her…like…it makes me angry…and envious at the same time. And it’s fogging up my head like hell…

ETpro's avatar

@allergictoeverything Listen to the advice @Captain_Fantasy gave in his first answer. He’s quite right. Be thankful you do have work that demands your attention, and do it. R.E.M. had it right, “Living Well Is The Best Revenge.”

allergictoeverything's avatar

I really WANT to do well. I really do. But the thing is, I don’t even know WHAT I want to do in life. Frankly, that’s partially a reason why she broke up with me too. The guy she’s “running off” with is a med student, and I have no career path whatsoever

faye's avatar

Just looked back @Captain_Fantasy quoted the revenge saying.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Forget about her.Really.

Cruiser's avatar

Dude!!! You are in school for one reason and that is to get that sheepskin….do yourself a favor and put the blinders on and do that $40,000+ a year tuition justice!!

ETpro's avatar

@faye It’s a common quote. It’s a single from R.E.M. and an album from Midtown and also a book title written by Calvin Tomkins. They all borrowed it from George Herbert, who penned it back in the 17th century. I believe Herbert, an English clergyman and metaphysical poet, lifted the thought from the Talmud.

@allergictoeverything You don’t need to know what you are going to do with the rest of your life right now. What you do need to focus on is getting your education done so you can do something interesting and worthwhile when you graduate. Caving in to a pity party won’t advance that part of your education, but fortunately, there are no dropouts allowed in the school of hard knocks. Blowing your midterms and failing to hand in a term paper over a guy who’s moved on already will definitely be a teachable moment. I just hope it is one you can avoid by thinking through the fact you really don’t need to go there to know where it leads.

Jharty89's avatar

Well now that you don’t a g/f to worry about, you should have more time to focus on you, on school, and on figuring out what your gonna do with your life! Take advantage of it. You don’t need her in order to help yourself. Take this as a good thing, a time for you to find out whats best for you and only you. Your only 21, you got a long life to live and find someone new.

faye's avatar

@ETpro Then must have merit to have survived!! I have heard it said before- I was just giving credit to Captain for having said it this evening. And it has been said to me. Not easy to carry it through, though, hey?

ETpro's avatar

@faye Aha! I guess it’s Living Well sort of day. :-)

@allergictoeverything Sorry, I wrote thinking about a guy and meant girl. You’re the guy… I knew that. :-)

augustlan's avatar

I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad. It sucks to have your heart broken. It will get easier with time, I promise. Here’s my advice:

Right now – just for half an hour or so – throw yourself face down on your bed and cry your head off. I mean really cry, ok? Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back to the business of living. After your midterms and your deadline, you can do it again, if you still feel like it.

Silhouette's avatar

Like the others are suggesting, you knuckle down and forge ahead. Take time out to feel your pain, then put it away and do what you gotta do. Put one foot in front of the other and soon you’ll be walking out the door. Act as if until it’s real.

Broken_Arrow's avatar

Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me

thriftymaid's avatar

You can either let it happen a third time, or not.

read's avatar

find a person really loves you,i know it’s hard,but
and always be yourself

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