General Question

memyselfandi's avatar

Why does he not make the effort?

Asked by memyselfandi (10points) February 19th, 2010

Ok so, i am having problems with my relationship, however, he doesn’t see it when i arise some of these issues. So is it just me? Am i viewing this relationship far to black and white- he doesn;t make effort to kiss and intiate sex with me unless i do it, for quite sometime now.(it was never like this a few months ago)Or just actually showing that he loves me and cares for me. Im trying to make myself think that this is just how he is, or that he is just very comfotable and takes me for granted,but whenever somthing doesn’t feel right- like i am always making the effort to see him, contact him, etc, i have this hideous knot in my stomach, i shouldn’t feel like this and i don’t want to let him go, i have given him oppurtunities to leave and be honest with me but it hasn’t happened, which is a relief, because i love him to bits, i just wish he would show it more, what do i do? sorry this is so long.

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8 Answers

evandad's avatar

You like him more than he like you. It’s going to be downhill from here. Once he gets up the nerve he’ll be gone. Sorry, I’ve been through it too.

filmfann's avatar

It sounds like he has other issues/distractions he is dealing with.
How is his work life? His relationship with his parents?
It sounds like you are living together. Are you?

marinelife's avatar

@evandad Has it right. He is not feeling the same way that you are. He is trying to let you down easy. He is not doing you any favors.

ETpro's avatar

As much as I would like to give you a gushy new-age answer that would turn the situation around overnight, I think @evandad has it right. Sounds like he’s getting bored, or put off by you in some way. Whether he will stick around and love a boring, low-maintenance relationship or not depends on his personality.

jrpowell's avatar

You can not change the way a person feels. I would break-up and look for someone that is what you desire. Stop wasting your time if you are unhappy.

CaptainHarley's avatar

In order to properly answer this question, I need to know several things:
* How old the two of you are
* Are you living together, or married, or what?
* When your relationship first began, was it primarily sexual or a mix of sexuality and something else?
* What sort of work does he do?

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Well there is a great way to change all of this immediately.

You may not like the answer, but try it and I’ll bet it works.

First, understand that men like challenges. We thrive on them. We all want to be conquering heroes and fulfill our childhood brainwashing. So if you want to play the game with the man of modernity, then learn the game that he’s playing.

Immediately… STOP initiating Sex and Intimacy.
He’s already conquered that and it is now part of his little kingdom. Nobody can give him more of what he already has unless it is outside of his current kingdom. So remove that treasure from the trove and see how he reacts to loosing something that he previously thought he had conquered.

Immediately… STOP complaining to him about it or even ever mentioning it again.
That will only make him wish he’d never conquered it in the first place. He’ll say “What have I done? She’s become such a bitch! Can’t she see I’m the KING?!?! Nobody treats the King like this. Off with her head!”

Immediately… START using a new perfume and change your hairstyle AND color.
Don’t talk to him about it and don’t get his opinion or his approval. Just DO IT! And don’t worry if he’s going to like it or not. Make yourself happy with it. Get a massage while you’re at it and get some strange hands on your body.

Immediately… STOP calling him for anything whatsoever.
“Yes you’ll have to deal with horrible stomach knots but those will be gone by tomorrow afternoon. Mark my words, within 3–4 days, he will call and say “Wassup”? Better have your story straight… because in the mean time you’ve been to a local art gallery and have a wonderful painter to talk about. Don’t mention your hair changes and don’t be spiteful when he calls. Just kindly let him know that your life is not dependent upon his presence or approval of you. Not so blunt as that, but your stories of your activities without him will speak for themselves.

If he doesn’t get a clue, then he’s not worth being with in the first place and you can only expect more of the the same and worse in the future.

Immediately… STOP worrying if he is going to be the right person.

Immediately… START concentrating on becoming the right person yourself, but only for yourself and not him.

He will see the changes for himself without you ever having to mention or justify anything at all. He will find you new, exciting, and worthy of reclaiming for his kingdom. He will wonder how he misplaced such a precious treasure in the first place. He will admire and respect you for who you actually are rather than who you think he wants you to be. He will find that arousing and it will stimulate him to embrace you in the clutches of his passions.

If he doesn’t, then he was never your king in the first place. But you will be a prize for many other kings to compete over so do these things for yourself… You the Queen… A Queen who deserves to be treated as a precious Gemstone for all the world to behold.

Do this for it is Truth.

Silhouette's avatar

Communication is key. Talk to him. This site has some pretty good tips;

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