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santiagoart's avatar

Hi I would like some advices concerning asking a girl out how I have secretly had feeling for years.

Asked by santiagoart (14points) February 26th, 2010

Hi I would like some advices concerning asking a girl out how I have secretly had feeling for years. I’m very confused of what I should do next and not very good at flirting or reading women’s signals.

The situation is I have known her for 10 year we attended the same university and stayed in the same halls at the time I was shy and spotty so did not have great confidence asking girls out. I liked her a lot then but before I had I chance to pluck up the courage to ask her out she got together we a friend of mien. So from that point I decided to say nothing as I’m not the type to try and course trouble and as a person I was happy for them they were both happy. Over the years we all stayed friend but even though I was looking at different women I still had feeling for her. The more she and me got to know each other the more we had in common. About 4 year ago I went threw a bad time and became depressed and deliberately isolated myself due to being left with a colostomy and a different women I thought there might have been a future with lead me on and seemed to enjoyed rubbing her later relationship with an ex friend in my face.

The situation is I recently decided to make contact with the girl I had secretly loved for many years. 4 year had passed since I had seen her last and she is now single. I explained why I had not contacted her and other people due to being depressed and how the other girl used me. The response I got was very friendly and it seemed she had highlighted her surprise that I was not I gay. I think she thought I was. She had never asked about my sexual orientation. After the email we arranged to meet up. I decided I’d try and learn over the Internet how to flirt, as I would love to be more than just friend with her and had read that to change a friend into a lover you have to change the way you act towards her.

Yesterday I went to see her I decided I’d try and touch her arm a number of times and also to keep eye contact and smile a lot and manly to be more confident. I thought I would all be awkward but the meeting was wonderful I made physical contact many more times than I thought and did the other entire things I’d planned. She laughed pretty much all the time and eye contact was good at one point It was awkward as we both stared at each other without saying anything for a long time, It was in a restaurant I wanted to kiss her but did not know if it was in my mind, I did not want to scare her, because I thought she might leave and not want to see me again. When we both went are separate ways, while in the past it was a quick kiss on the cheek, this time it was that but I held onto her for a long time, as I suppose I did not want to see her go.

The thing is I don’t want to lose her from my life, but I cannot stand the idea of her dating a different guy as Id love to been in a relationship with her. I fear if I leave telling her how I feel to long, it’ll be too late, or if to early and it might freak hear out. My past luck with women is so poor I’m also afraid I might lose her completely. I’d be grateful for any advice of what action I should take next, as I feel the time apart give me a last chance of becoming more than just a friend.

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8 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I think you should ask her out before she disappears from your life altogether :)

Cruiser's avatar

You have got to stop dragging you feet here. You already blew 10 years pining over her I wouldn’t waste another agonizing second…just tell her you have feelings for her. She already wasn’t sure if you were gay or not and if you don’t ask her out now she may be convinced you must be. Just do it!!

Glow's avatar

You’ll never know till you ask…. even if it turns out that she says no, at least you now know how she feels and you can move on and let go of that crush… and even then, she will know and she might consider it in the future and come back to you. I had a crush on my boyfriend all of high school. After we graduated, i met up with him again, asked him out, and he was all like YES! So, you never know. He said he didn’t want to ask ME out because he isn’t like that, he is too scared and wimpy to ask girls out. I personally couldn’t take the wimpyness anymore and just did it myself, haha.

But yes, don’t think about it too much. Just do it. We all have that INITIAL fear, but once it’s done, it’s done and you’ll feel a lot better.

Trillian's avatar

And forget that chick on the other thread while you’re at it.

marinelife's avatar

You need to tell her how you feel. But do not say that you are in love with her.

Just say, “I like you a lot. I loved getting together with you the other day. I’d like to see you again soon.”

papasmurfxD's avatar

Dude I’ll be frank with ya. Man up and tell her your picking her up at 8 next Friday no questions asked. Tell her you’ve wanted to take her somewhere nice and tell her how you feel for the longest time and that your sick of waiting. Just be a man about it and things will be fine.

evandad's avatar

I think I’ve discovered a portal from Fluther to Answerbag, and their BS questions about does she like me or not are showing up here.

ChaosCross's avatar

1.Get off Fluther.
3.Be honest

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