Social Question

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Are there any people you personally know who you can say of, "they'd never cheat on their SO!"?

Asked by Neizvestnaya (22622points) March 12th, 2010

If so then do you think it’s because no one’s ever put them to the test and tried to beguile them?

Do you suspect they have superpowers of disinterest (or they think their SO is that freakin’ great they can’t be tempted)?

Do you think it lies more with some spiritual or religious adherence and honor code?

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43 Answers

CyanoticWasp's avatar

I can say that about anyone, even those who I know have cheated on their SO. You’re not asking me to bet my life on the veracity of that statement, are you?

noyesa's avatar

I’ve been burned too many times by people who I trusted because our trust had never been tested, only to find that the second it finally was, I got burned.

I think there are a lot of people who I would need to hear it from that person his or herself to believe it happened, but not that I’d think they’d never do this or that. All too often it’s simply that I don’t know enough about that person to know that they would do something horrible.

Seems like the more familiar I become with people, the less likely I am to trust them. There’s only one person in my life who has ever proved me wrong, and she’s the woman I live with.

snowberry's avatar

I have never cheated on my husband, and it’s never occurred to me to do so. He also tells me the same. We’ve been married almost 34 years, and 28 of them were very very hard. Love is more than an emotion; it’s a commitment. Being true is easy if you understand that.

poisonedantidote's avatar

that would be me. if i had my own way cheating would be illegal. mainly because of the spread of disease as well as the hurt feelings.

as for what penalty i would impose, i have no idea. my emotions say jail time, my rational mind says anything more than a warning or small fine would be insane and unrealistic.

wundayatta's avatar

All I know is that I can’t say that about myself. Anyone else—that’s their life and their business. It is not my job to judge anyone else, and although I forget that much of the time, I’m trying to remember not to… and not to judge myself, either.

john65pennington's avatar

I know myself. does this count? since i know myself better than anyone else, then yes, i know of a person that has said and has never cheated on their wife. me.

syzygy2600's avatar

I’m an atheist, but I have to say the only person I would say this about is my hardcore Christian friend. We may disagree on a lot of things, but I damn well know he wouldn’t cheat on his SO because of how seriously he takes his religion.

chamelopotamus's avatar

I’m with @john65pennington, because I was going to give the same answer.

MissAnthrope's avatar

If I know myself, does that count? I don’t consider it a super power, it’s more like when I’m committed to someone, I have zero desire for anyone else. So, it’s really not that hard.

If I don’t count in the people I know, two girlfriends ago, she was the first person I was with that I trusted implicitly. I knew her really well, she was a very loyal and trustworthy person, and beyond that, I knew from her dating history that she would never cheat on me. I’d have momentary twinges of jealousy, but then when I thought about it, it was very soothing because I just knew in my gut that she would never do that to me.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

No such thing can be said of anyone – but if I’d say that of someone, it wouldn’t be because they’re so moral, I’d say that because I’d figure they’d be too scared to do something like that even if they wanted to.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I guess my question has more to do with feeling taken for granted. I’m a female who’s male partners have all pretty much boasted to others, “she’d never cheat” but I feel they take that for granted and push my boundaries, almost as though they are irritated they don’t have anything to be jealous about and give me credit for being far too understanding and forgiving of little things that aren’t dealbreakers but are things they could have avoided doing in the first place. Do you think some people want to poke a stick at you to see how much goading you’ll take before unleashing some “true inner awful self”?


unique's avatar

never have, never will.

my rule: if you want a little somethingsomething on the side, talk about it with the SO first.

summerlover's avatar

I would never cheat…the main reason is because cheating on my husband would not only be cheating on him it would also be cheating on my kids…I think kids really need parents who try to make things work…I know it would really hurt them, and hurt their thoughts about trust in a relationship…of course, I would not want to hurt my husband either..

lilikoi's avatar

Never say never…

summerlover's avatar

in this case I can say never

CMaz's avatar

Polyamory solves that problem.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@chamelopotamus well, that was just too easy. No one would have ever even expected that you could cheat on @john65pennington‘s wife. Sheesh.

Just_Justine's avatar

No I actually have mostly married friends, some for over 20 years some for 10. They would never cheat, have never cheated because they love one another. Good times and bad.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I know quite a few married couples (as well as a few who would be married but can’t legally do so) and out of that 15 or so, I’d say that I think 12 of them would never cheat on each other. The other three are iffy.

marinelife's avatar

I can say with much confidence that there is a list of people I know who are not likely to cheat, but not with 100% assurance, because human beings change and are fallible, and circumstances change.

DominicX's avatar

I would never. I don’t think it’s that hard not too. My parents have been married for 24 years and they’ve never cheated on each other.

sixthsense's avatar

I think people should ‘never say never’ !!

We all have our inbuilt values but our emotions are never static… I think it would depend upon the impact of stressors in our life, environmental factors, what people want out of life and the relationship they have with their partner on whether they will cheat.

That sombody may just come along and hit you in the face like an unexpected whirlwind.

AstroChuck's avatar

Mysrlf, my wife, my daughters, my parents.

whatthefluther's avatar

I have never cheated in my life and never will. I have had opportunities but have never entertained taking the action. If the temptation were so great that I decided to go for it, I would clearly come to an understanding with my partner that the monogamous nature of our relationship had ended BEFORE messing around. That is not cheating, but rather, is being honest with yourself and your partner. Now, sneaking around and “testing the water” is not only cheating, it’s morally reprehensible, in my opinion. Of course, what I’ve said counts only when there is an agreed upon commitment of monogamy. Commitment is an extremely clear word to me and I’m amazed at how some people can get so stupid so quickly under what should be controllable circumstances. On the other hand, if there is no such commitment, that is not cheating either. So yes, I can look anyone in the eye and say I have never cheated and yet I have had a lot of fun along the way. I rather doubt anyone of semi-sound mind would ever want to be cheated on, so why the fuck do they go and cheat? Yeah, yeah…...I’ve heard it before…..“because they could” or they couldn’t resist temptation and just could not control themselves. BULLSHIT! See ya…..Gary/wtf

Resonantscythe's avatar

I can say for sure my Buddy Jake. He works with a team of attractive women, one of witch has this not-so-innocent crush on him, and through conversations with him (and the pain in his voice at the desire he feels) I can say with certainty that he would never cheat on his girlfriend. He’s a good guy.
I’ve only had one GF myself, but never thought of cheating and I never will. I don’t see the point. I can’t understand the reasoning behind such an act. If there’s something so wrong in the relationship that one would go and do that, I’d imagine It would be better to end it.

deni's avatar

I can’t think of anyone else off the top of my head because I don’t know anyone else’s relationships deeply enough to know how strong they are and what the level of devotion is. But I can say that I would never cheat on my current boyfriend. I wouldn’t have said this about past boyfriends, because I used to get tempted, and I did cheat (barely) once…but I’d never do it again. It caused so many problems, and ended up with the worst breakup ever. It blew. That isn’t the reason I wouldn’t cheat on my current boyfriend though. It plays a part, yes, but I just don’t want anyone but him. No one else appeals to me anymore on a sexual level.

YARNLADY's avatar

Me and my husband would top the list. After that, it’s iffy. I doubt our parents on both sides ever did, and I’m pretty sure my son’s first wife didn’t. It’s hard to know for sure, but I’d be willing to bet the Hubby’s sis and her husband would be on the list.

For most of the people on this list, I think commitment brings about what you call superpower of disinterest. A family is just that – a unit. There are no outsiders to be interested in. Everyone else is in the category of friend, associate, colleague, acquaintance, or such.

snowberry's avatar

@sixthsense As long as you have an opening for cheating (you create it by what you say about your life), you will always know it’s a possibility. In my case, I never created it as a possibility. Cheating is not in my vocabulary. It is in yours.

Keysha's avatar

Arisztid. And not because I’m his S/O, either. I knew him for a few years before that, and I know him. He has this old-fashioned thing called honor.

FutureMemory's avatar

Myself. I try not to betray people, it’s a shitty thing to do. Cheating while in a supposed monogamous relationship is the ultimate betrayal. It’s selfish and dishonorable. I would never do such a thing.

Seek's avatar

@Keysha @Arisztid

Honestly, you two make me sick. ^_^ I adore you both.

coogan's avatar

whores and scoundrels…don’t trust nobody >:- (

Arisztid's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr We have been making AB sick for years, now it is Fluther’s turn.

Pandora's avatar

I think it has mostly to do with respect, love and a realistic view of your relationship. I believe the people most likely to cheat are the ones who never realized that a real relationship takes work and the commitment shouldn’t be made hastily.

Coloma's avatar

I have never cheated in any relationship because I value my own integrity.

I am also not the insecure type, if I am not happy in a relationship I make the effort to work through a situation or I terminate it.

Cheating has never been an option.

It really IS that simple!

thesparrow's avatar

Honestly, this feels really naive and I hope I don’t sound naive, but I don’t think my bf would cheat on me even if given the chance with a hot girl. I can’t explain why I feel this way. I’ve seen him steal looks at girls sometimes when we’re out (it’s okay because I steal looks at guys) but I just have a feeling he wouldn’t fuck things up with me if he had a right mind. And he does seem to have a right mind. Also, I do try to look my best. I exercise as much as I can, try to watch what I eat, dress nicely.

thesparrow's avatar

@deni—I’ve felt somewhat tempted (not actually tempted, but I’ve felt like I had momentary feelings for other people). I wouldn’t actually go through with it. This is also my first relationship.

wundayatta's avatar

@thesparrow I don’t think it has much to do with looks of the other girl. It has everything to do with your relationship to your SO. If you feel tightly connected to your SO, no one will ever tempt you. Eye candy will just be eye candy. Might as well be printed on the pages of a magazine for all it means to you.

But if something is wrong with your relationship with your SO; if there is a serious misconnection and that misconnection has been going on for years, then things are very different. Loneliness and lack of groundedness can allow people to do all kinds of things they would never consider when the relationship is tight, vows or not.

thesparrow's avatar

@wundayatta Not years, we’ve been dating for a little over a year now. There are points where I have doubts. But everyone apparently has these. Recently, I find there’s a bit of a mismatch between the way our families function. My family is a little more traditional than his. His family is ‘laid back,’ which I think is OK, but I need that closeness and family and children are important for me.

wundayatta's avatar

@thesparrow Those are serious issues and perhaps things you cannot change. You can change your need for them, but not their existence. You can talk to your SO about these things and see if you can make them concrete in terms of behaviors that matter to you. Then you can try to solve the problems.

It’s seems like closeness can be defined fairly concretely—what does that mean to you in reality? What has to happen for you to feel close? Children are fairly obvious. Go or no. If not, is that a deal breaker?

thesparrow's avatar

@wundayatta Nothing.. it’s okay. I think I was just having a mood. His family is just a little different—both parents divorced. I’m used to families who stick together for a long time. But I come from a solid European background and I believe in hard work.

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