General Question

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43 Answers

molly's avatar

when it’s with me

joeysefika's avatar

Um no. Unless your partners cheated on you so you’re doing it out of spite. OR your partner wants you to for some unusual fetish

jrpowell's avatar

I would say no. I wouldn’t really consider it cheating if your SO was fine with it. If someone wants to cheat they should have the guts to break up with the other person first. Nothing pisses me off more than infidelity.

edit :: OK.. Maybe questions about how to jailbreak an iPhone piss me off more.

iwamoto's avatar

i really wonder what spawned this question…i really do

how could it ever be ok ? does the person who asked this question have an idea ?

osullivanbr's avatar

Astro’s fantastic thesis above said it all and here’s mine.

Nope. Never.

Lightlyseared's avatar

No. That’s why it’s called cheating

Judi's avatar

Like when Captain Kirk cheated on the no win scenario by hacking the computer?

wildflower's avatar

Nope. Open relationships are one thing, but misleading a partner to believing they’re the one when they’re not, is never OK. We’re talking trust, emotional investment as well as unknown health risks.

I agree with iwamoto’s curiosity, I’d love to hear the motivation for this question and the asker’s own opinion

feistyismad's avatar

i don’t think cheating is ever ok for any reason.

whatthefluther's avatar

Let’s see, a month ago you asked if monogamy was that big of a deal. Now you’re asking if cheating is ever okay. Did your partner, by chance, refuse to open your relationship, so you cheated and are now looking for some sort of moral support? Well, you won’t find it here.

Lightlyseared's avatar

@judi that’s not cheating. That’s thinking outside the box and should be encourage.

JackAdams's avatar

I joke around about the subject of cheating (in conversations with others), but the fact is, I have never cheated on any woman with whom I have been in a committed relationship.

Every woman I have known, I am proud to say, has told me that THAT is what they admired most about me, that I was committed to them.

In fact, ALL of them have uttered this sentence, without exception:

“Jack, you SHOULD be committed.”

August 26, 2008, 8:08 AM EDT

Allie's avatar

No. If you don’t care enough about the person to be faithful, then they must not mean that much to you. Just break up and get on with it. Don’t be a dick.

Larssenabdo's avatar

Nope. Trying to hold your place at home in case the new thing turns out not to be as good as it looked?
But it does work with used cars! You write a $500 check and leave it on the first car, go drive something else. Sooner or later, you have to decide, though.
Good luck.

Poser's avatar

It’s okay with me if you cheat. Probably not okay with your partner.

bodyhead's avatar

If you’re cheating, then you are in a relationship with a person you don’t care about enough to be monogamous with anymore (or at all really – it would be very painful for them to find out). This means you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them. Learn to look for the signs and end the relationship before it gets to that point.

wundayatta's avatar

Does stealing count as cheating?

bodyhead's avatar

@daloon, Stealing could only count as cheating if you stole an answer sheet for some type of test.

wundayatta's avatar

I was just answering the jealousy question, trying to think about it from the perspective of what survival advantage does it confer. Now it’s making me think of cheating in the same way. This is not to address the issue of whether cheating is ok, but to seek to understand cheating at a more fundamental level.

Clearly, cheating sexually allows successful cheaters to spread their genes further. I once read that there’s a surprisingly high proportion of children who have not been fathered by the person their mother is married to, even though the parents were married during the time the child was conceived. It’s been a long time, so I don’t remember the percentage. But it really surprised me.

Cheating, as is breaking the rules that everyone else abides by is a somewhat high risk strategy for survival. If you get caught, you get ostracized or thrown in jail, or killed (depending on culture and time we’re talking about). However, there will always be some people who are very successful at cheating (Kennedy’s, other drug runners, drug king pins, robber barons, etc, etc), and they grow wealthy and have lots of kids, and pass on their cheating ways.

Obviously, the more sophisticated you are about your cheating, the harder it is for other people to detect, and the more likely you are to get away with it. I, for one, consider the current President to be a very successful cheater. He’s managed to help his cronies make billions in the oil and military contracting businesses. He’s done it on such a large scale, and under the protection of an election (if not two), that most people consider it to be legitimate. Whatever.

So is cheating ok? It seems to me that the United States, as a whole, condones all kinds of cheating. We just look the other way, pretend we don’t see, and never (or rarely) label it as cheating.

I don’t know if we do this on a more local, personal level. I know it goes on, and people get away with it: cheating on tests, cheating in business (think of all the lawsuits over breeches of contracts), cheating by telling your friends one thing when you have no intention of doing that.

So, in my opinion, cheating goes on all the time, and is tacitly condoned by society. However, in public, we all make a huge fuss about how moral we are, and how we never cheat. Given what actually happens, it makes one wonder about folks who say they don’t. Surely at least some of them are hypocrites, if not a lot of them.

I think this is like the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy the U.S. military has towards gay members of the forces. You can be gay; just don’t make it obvious. The same, I believe, is true of cheating. You can cheat; just don’t make it obvious. And, for God’s sake, make sure you shout loudly that you never cheat!

Folks. In case it isn’t obvious: I NEVER cheat!!!!!!!!

And one more thing. Cheating is not OK in my book. And I’ve spent my life trying to root it out in it’s more difficult to find hiding places.

klaas4's avatar

Only in videogames.

Bri_L's avatar

@ klaas4 – interesting point. When I read this I instantly thought of games, not spouses.

I guess that shows, at least in my mind it isn’t ok to cheat. I am in a situation where a lot of people would understand if I did. But I just don’t think it is right.

Tantigirl's avatar

It is never okay to cheat. I made my choice about who I want to be with when I said “I do”. If it ever came to the stage that I wanted someone else, then I’d have the decency to end it with the person I’m with now, before starting up with someone else. If he ever cheats on me and I find out, then that relationship is definitely over.

Bri_L's avatar

@ all – I should clarify I would never do it. I couldn’t live with myself

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

@everyone, thanks for all the great answers.
and for those of you who wanted to know the motive behind this queston let me assure you it is not malevolent.
i am not in a relationship.

marinelife's avatar

Cheating is not ever OK in a relationship, because it usurps the partner’s right to choose.

@daloon That is begging the question. Cheating does not in itself confer the biological advantage. Spreading your genes does, but that can be done by openly playing the field sexually. It is in no way connected to cheating.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

don’t lie to yourself about your relationship by cheating.

Cheaters never prosper.

Break up and take responsibility for your actions and your life.

arcoarena's avatar

I agree that cheating is never okay. Now I’m not perfect and have cheated on a few girlfriends back in high school, but not in years.

But cheating is extremely wrong because what it does is breaks someone’s trust in you. And I think we all know trust is not something that is simply openly given nor easily won back.

whatthefluther's avatar

@needleinthehayy…I apologize for the tone of my post above and for jumping to conclusions. It appears you are just seeking input on relationship issues. I trust you have learned that monogamy is extremely important in nearly all relationships (I’m not aware of any successful long-term open relationships but a few flutherers reported they were), and that fidelity in a meaningful relationship is absolutely crucial. Best of luck to you. See you around…wtf

SeekerSeekiing's avatar

Short answer, no.

Long answer:
“Cheating” by definition means to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice——to practice fraud or trickery——and it is never okay to be dishonest with those we have close relationships with.

And believe it or not, while it may ‘feed’ your sexual ego, it will erode your self-esteem.

No matter what your body says, you have control over it, know that, or you are ‘cheating yourself’.

Emilyy's avatar

I mean, in an open relationship, I guess it’s okay if all parties are in agreement. Still seems super weird to me, but it works for some people.

SeekerSeekiing's avatar

If folks are in an open relationship, and all parties agreed, it wouldn’t be cheating.

mee_ouch's avatar

Molly… skank!

Kidding…...still luv me?

mee_ouch's avatar

Where were you when I said I do to the scum-bag who decided he didn’t?

molly's avatar

ellie, OF COURSE I DO!

punkrockworld's avatar

No, it never really is. If you don’t like your current partner, break it off before you go cheat. It’s really not that hard. And if you like your partner then simply don’t cheat.
You’ll break his or her heart and it’s all really not worth it for those few minutes of fun.It’s very painful to find out your partner cheats on you.

mee_ouch's avatar

Thanks Molly…...

Knotmyday's avatar


But needle, you, as well as everyone here, know that cheating is wrong even by definition.

I don’t personally know any adults who have deluded themselves into considering infidelity an “enlightened” activity; however, I do know people who considered themselves in an “open” relationship, meaning that each could dally with the opposite sex at will. None of those relationships lasted.

Of course, committed relationships fail as well, but I found it interesting that the “open” ones ended when one partner or other fell in love with an outside sex partner, and entered into a commited relationship with them. Ah, the vagaries of the human heart.

I hope our answers helped you.

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