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joscketSeper's avatar

How do i become More Social and Gain friends If I have Chest problems when i Do?

Asked by joscketSeper (323points) March 14th, 2010


male in my early 30s. I’ve been shy all my life. But I’ve never just hidden to avoid stuff. Even though it takes alot of courage to do something, i do it. For example, talking to someone i want to talk to.

Anyways, with the shyness also comes anxiety. And as you all know anxiety can cause health problems. The thing is, when i have anxiety i try to relax but it doesn’t work. I get a big surge of butterflies in my stomach and chest just before talking to a stranger or something.

And it’s not just that, .. Yesterday, i tried talking to a girl In town( stranger). i mustereed the courage and i did it.( it failed by the way, she was shy herself and not interested in talking to strangers) But i felt a burning sensation in my chest right before doing it. and then a bit later i started getting Chest/Heart pain.

Then i was walking home and it hurt bad so i had to stop and sit on a rock in the street to see if it go away. Well, it did alittle but It’s 1 day after and I’m having pain in the middle of my chest.

It’s like just from that surge of anxiety yesterady, something in my body broke. I wouldn’t be surprised because I have a skinny little weak body ( Doctors have told me i may have Marfans syndrome) and maybe i have weak valves.

So, is it even worth it to try to change and be more social, when doing so is dangerous for my health?

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20 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I thnk you should talk to your doctor again.There are many ways to help people with your problems.In the meantime I would look into meditation and deep breathing exercises.Good luck :)

Vunessuh's avatar

Sounds like you have some major social anxiety.
You may actually benefit from therapy and anxiety medication.
A friend of mine, oh hai! Thur she is! @lucillelucillelucille told me to meditate last time I had an attack, and it actually helped tremendously. I agree with her about looking up some beginning deep breathing exercises and you can do these exercises anywhere whenever you feel anxious.
Good luck.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Vunessuh -Glad to help!it does work
Meditation keeps me from pummeling people.
People -pummeling is not pretty.

partyparty's avatar

Yes I agree with the other answers. First and foremost you should see your doctor about the pain you having at the moment, then I would ask about cognitive behavioural therapy. It does work, and I am sure it will help you with your anxiety problems.

Just_Justine's avatar

We all get anxious when meeting new people. I get a racing heart, sweaty palms. But I probably don’t tune into it as much as you do. You wont break I promise. Like what @Vunessuh and the other said you can get help. You will be OK!

filmfann's avatar

When I get that way, I put on relaxing music, and just sit back and relax for an hour.
It really does help, and I understand what you are going thru.

thriftymaid's avatar

Just keep making yourself participate in social events. Don’t stay home because you get anxious about meeting new people. Talk to your doctor about this. He may refer you to a counselor or allow you to use anti-anxiety medication. Shyness can be crippling; don’t let that happen to you.

susanc's avatar

Forcing yourself to do things that make you this anxious is asking too much of yourself.
The very first thing to do is see your doctor or find one. Ask about meditation, deep breathing, relaxation techniques. All of those things may be used in cognitive behavioral therapy, which is nothing more than re-training the body/mind connections.
I would be very worried if I thought you were going to just go out to bars and pretend to be at ease. It would be a lie and it could endanger you.
Your body is telling you that the world of human communication is dangerous for you. Therefore, it is dangerous. You need tools before you can go bravely into this arena.
Be safe.

phillis's avatar

This is getting very frustrating. The first question I answered of yours was how to go about getting a girlfriend. You wanted to know the “formula”. I disregarded it and answered you, assuming that you might have thought there actually was such a thing.

The next question I saw from you was about how your dick doesn’t work, yet you want a girlfriend. No problem! A lot of people gave you great advice on how to overcome that issue and still locate the future girlfriend you are seeking. But now, you’re telling us that you are so bad in social situations that you actually experience pain. Why weren’t these things mentioned BEFORE everybody wasted their time? I can only ignore your ever-mounting, unusual, unique situation for so long.

The longer you talk, the more unique your situation escalates. I can hardly wait to see what’s next! Unless you’ve lived under a rock all your life, every one of these things you have mentioned are self-evident. That implies that people have been very, very patient with you.

You’re 30, yet you think there is a formula to guarantee a girlfriend, you claim to have no idea when you should tell a woman your dick doesn’t work, and you are nowhere near ready to take the advice that people have given you.

I think you are a major user of people, and that you have no conscience about it at all. If someone who knows you told me that’s why you didn’t have a girlfriend I would not call them a liar. You feel no sense of responsibility toward the future women in your life, exactly as you have demonstrated toward us, because the questions just keep rolling in, don’t they! You’re a player.

dpworkin's avatar

It sounds like you may possibly have a social phobia. I suggest you find out if you do. If so, it is easy to treat.

joscketSeper's avatar

calm down phillis. You don’t have to go into my other questions in order to answer this one.
They are separate.

phillis's avatar

I answered them in the order you asked them! I was sucked in by your brilliance before I knew what hit me. Well played. Can I have a hint as to what issue is coming next? It’s the only chance I have to keep you from running circles around me.

dpworkin's avatar

Don’t let people know he’s a liar; they will start getting angry with you. It’s rude, doncha know.

phillis's avatar

I’ll perform the necessary acts of contrition immediately. I love the shoot the messenger mentality. I can feel better about myself by using other people.

escapedone7's avatar

@jocketseper My answer here might seem hurtful but it is not meant to be. Please don’t go on the defensive. Lately, people have taken every word I say as a personal attack when it is not meant to be.

I have spent a large portion of my life taking care of people with mental illness. I know that can be a scary word. I am not saying you have that. However I do want to point out psychological problems can create very very real physical effects. Some people with a panic attack even think they are having a heart attack and go to the ER, only to find it is a psychological problem and their heart is fine. Some women have tremendous pain during sex because their muscles sieze up from the extreme psychological fear or turmoil they have inside. Sometimes a mental problem causes physical problems.

Of course only a doctor can tell you that everything is physically fine with you. It is good to make sure the doctors say that you are phsycially fine. However if you keep having severe problems after that, consulting a mental health professional might shed some light on your problems.

My friend, I don’t know what the problem is. I have worked with many differently abled people with many different problems. I am sure you have a problem that ties all of your other problems together. Your social anxiety, your problems communicating (even here), your physical symptoms. I am not trying to belittle you by saying “it is all in your head”. Just take it from me I speak from experience, there can be an awful lot going on in your head! I am not trying to be condescending. I have relatives with mental health issues and I attend therapy myself.

You aren’t going to find the answers you need on fluther, or from people who have been blessed with not having to deal with mental health issues. I really really think you need some help. There’s nothing wrong with needing help. It doesn’t make you “crazy”. I think you need some counseling, and will get much better help than the answers here on fluther.

Cruiser's avatar

I think doing anything social or otherwise that is dangerous to your health is stupid unless of course you are a hypochondriac. Either way life is too short to not taste the roses and smell the burning rubber of your tires as you floor it thorough life!! Tell em Cruiser said so!! ;)

janbb's avatar

I can only second what @escapedone7 has said so eloquently. You sound like you need some real help and Fluther ain’t gonna do it for you.

ninjacolin's avatar

Was it easier to write the very first time you tried or was it easier to write the last time you tried?

Generally, the more we do things the easier they become to do. It seems obvious to me that your symptoms of anxiety are exactly the same as a normal person’s except in their unusual strength. So, if you continue practicing being social and taking such risks, it will become easier and easier for you to bear, just as it happens for anyone else.

You have a stronger reaction to deal with, but there’s no reason to think that it will be any different. Sounds like it’s something you’re gonna want to get out of your way sooner rather than later so you can spend the rest of your life beyond this problem. :)

I think you should speak to a psychologist about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy so you can get over your social phobias.

YARNLADY's avatar

I am not a doctor or psychologist, but it sounds to me like you are suffering from an extreme social disorder, and you need to seek the services of a professional

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

I totally understand. I think it might be a really bad panic attack, but check with your doctor like everyone’s been saying. I’ve had them, too before. It might be your body’s chemicals overworking, like adrenaline or something like that.
What you could do is start with a casual comment something to break the ice. Maybe find something in common. I can talk to people, but as soon as it becomes a social thing or a party, I clam up. One experience I had was that I worked with a guy I liked and he brought his girlfriend to a karaoke bar I went to. We found out we had something in common, struck a conversation, and now we’re really good friends. I guess just ease into a conversation with neutral comments and then work your way up. Hope this helps and you feel less of a pain in your chest.

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