What would you say causes the most bickering in marriages?
My uncle once told me that it was all about money. Some people will bicker over money, who pays what etc. I’m starting to realize that it is actually true.
What would you say causes the most bickering in marriages, and how should that be solved?
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Money, selfish misunderstanding, lack of patience, marrying a dumbass
get rid of the ass!
Blaming each outher for your unhappyness.
Money, chores/housework is definitely a close second though
Envy of the imagined marriages that others have:
“Why can’t you be more like Barney Rubble / Ned Flanders / Dagwood Bumstead / etc. from next door?”
Money is the no 1 reason cited for divorce.
Bad moods. Some people never seem to have matrimonial fights, other seem to have them consistently. My wife and I seldom argue, but we have had neighbours who do and it seems to be about anything at all, not one ongoing subject like money. I could probably count thirty or more different subjects for their fights. (They are very loud.) This was few years a go – we now have very pleasant (and quiet) neighbours.
Your uncle is right…....Money…Money…Money…....It’s so good….it just…can not be shared…....lol.
Definitely money. Last month’s “O” Magazine said so. 2 was chores, 3 parenting, 4 family and 5 sex.
@janbb wanna get together and compare expectations? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
The woman’s incessant nagging.
@AstroChuck in my family it is the husband who nags. really
Finances. People not really ready to be involved in a relationship.
In our marriage, it would probably be my monthly hormonal imbalances.
My 20 plus year marriage simply deflated like a balloon with a pin poking into it. We never had any financial disagreements, ever. But he got more and more wed to his career and I wanted to retire, garden and look at birds. He also could never get the words, “I’m sorry” or “you made a good point” out of his throat.
Money, sex, and children, in that order.
My case, I think it is me, I’m a jealous nut, and about money, if he wants I would even support him, but I want him to be judt a litte more cautious, I love him so much!
@prolificus I was always cold, my ex was too hot, so we never fought over the covers. the cause of our marital discord was..
he wanted to do drugs, and I had a problem with that.
Oh, and my partner and I solved the cover-stealing issue by having separate covers. (I’m the cover-thief. I like to wrap myself up in a cocoon quilt.)
If you don’t quarrel over money, though, there are plenty of other issues that will do.
“Money is the root of all evil” as the saying goes, and in some marriages, that is definitely true. Immaturity of one or both partners is another cause——husband and wife may be compatible with each other, but if one or both partners cannot deal with simple, everyday problems in a mature fashion, they are doomed to a life of constant bickering. One of the requisites of marriage is having a mature mindset and attitude, and unfortunately too many people jump into marriage thinking and acting like teenagers still. The outcome is a lack of patience and trust, and you need both in a marriage to make it work.
The love of money is the root of all evil. That’s how the saying goes.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
For me, money IS the root of all evil.
People say its the money but I think it ultimately is about control, or lack of.
One partner spends more so the other feels its out of their control.
One partner has more say about the kids, so the other feels they have no control.
One partner makes all the home conditions, or feels like everything is their responsiblilty, or holds the money strings, or decides when they should have sex.
I think lack of control out in the real world pores itself into marriages if people do not know how to compromise. Most people have to work for a living and feel little control over their wants at work and come home not wanting to make any compromises.
Cruiser has a good point. The remote is often joked about but again it is about control.
@AstroChuck “A woman’s incessant nagging”——-LOL. How true!
@MRSHINYSHOES It was my ex husbend, that was doing the incessant nagging,,,it was like I was the husbend and he was the wife.
Drug abuse…especially prescription drug abuse…which leads to…incessant nagging!!
Spouses.
Oh, and girlfriends that the spouse doesn’t like.
Sex. Chores. Toilet seats. Not necessarily in that order.
John Gottman (University of Washington) research shows that if women feel like they are heard, the rate of divorce goes down. If men kind of take women suggestions, divorce goes way down. He has been working with couples to help them learn how to listen in these ways. His research showed that with the birth of a child, marriages often go sour. I guess the issue about which people don’t listen could be money or sex or anything else—but it’s all about how the couples go about discussing these issues.
That Astrochuck guy always has a lot of badass great answers.
“Money is the root of all evil” as the saying goes,
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
Neither are correct. It is the “love” of money that is the root of all evil.
Money is a necessity – love of it isn’t.
Money.
Followed closely by thermostats, snoring and ‘why-can’t-you-just-pick-up-the-brand-I-wrote-down-on-the-list-instead-of-assuming-I-won’t-notice-when-you-buy-the-store-brand-of-tomatoes- you-know-they-don’t-taste-the-damn-same!’
Passing judgment leads to bickering. What’s the perfect temperature? How much money is enough? How much sex is enough sex? We all have our own ideas. It’s when you judge the ideas of you spouse that you bicker.
immaturity and stubbornness
I have noticed there’s a set up for bickering ‘of ANY sort.’
There’s already a resevoire of anger building.
Personal unhappiness/discontent that are/have been happening in another areas.
Like if business is down and money short, then patience is short, and things that aren’t an issue, suddenly become an urgent care thing!!!
I don’t understand the petty toilet lid down/up issue, it’s the silliest thing to spaz out over.
I simply lift it when it’s necessary. What’s the big deal? It seems like the toilet seat arguement is sideways anger about something entirely different.
@wundayatta Next time you have an argument with your spouse, stomp into the bathroom shouting, “OH YEAH?! TAKE THAT!” and lift the lid up!
Then call the police….“Hello police? I would like to report a Lifted Toilet Seat Lid.”
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