Social Question

KatawaGrey's avatar

Does the frequency of sex go down drastically in a marriage of many years?

Asked by KatawaGrey (21461points) April 4th, 2010

A good portion of the media would have us believe that marriage is synonymous with celibacy. As far as I know, this is not true but as I am not, nor have I ever been, married and since my mother has never been married, I do not for sure. I know it is relatively common for couples, whether married or not, to have less sex as time goes on, but I’m hoping the people who are married or were married at some point to inform me.

So, married people, do you have a lot less sex than you did in the beginning of your relationship?

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32 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

We have the same amount of sex if not more and that’s with two kids – I think those that scream the loudest get heard when it comes to the media and they’re not representative at all. I think plenty of married people have and love sex but those around them who aren’t in good relationships want to push upon them the idea that, clearly, marriage puts an end to sex and they uphold the whole ‘wife now only wants children, after children the man’s dick falls off, blah blah blah’. (speaking of normative heterosexual marriage)

ThrallKiller's avatar

I wouldn’t say drastically, no. Maybe a little bit, but it also depends on the couple. Some married couples still love having sex every day, even after 10–15 years of marriage. Some are fine with sex only once a week.

dpworkin's avatar

In my experience it comes and goes like the tides. For the most part it stays within a comfortable range.

YARNLADY's avatar

Every couple is different, but my understanding is that for couples who are well matched there is no change over time.

netgrrl's avatar

I think it’s something they put in the wedding cake.


I think for a lot of us men, sex still goes “up” as long as we continue getting excited. (wink!)

majorrich's avatar

if you put a penny in a jar for each time you are intimate in the first year of marriage and then start taking them out each time you are intimate starting the second. Most times you will never empty the jar.

dpworkin's avatar

@majorrich Has that been your experience? I am so sorry. I could say no such thing.

graynett's avatar

As you get older the body ages, gets ’ blood pressure, diabetes, takes medication. The desire is there but the ability goes. It’s not good to “LUST” and not have the wherewithal to act. It would be nice to have your libido lowered after 65. just 2 ft’ from your head to your ♥

graynett's avatar

And that’s a shame! God gave man too wonderful organs the brain and the penis both work well with blood but only enough blood to work one at a time

Trance24's avatar

I will have to admit after four years of being together it seems our sex life has dropped in frequency. We used to have sex everyday or every time we saw each other. Now its once a week or maybe two weeks later. I rarely go down on him anymore, used to be at least once a week or more. I honestly do not understand it, because I know it is me not him. I just seem to not be in the mood ever, and its odd because well I love sex, and sometimes even when the craving is there I do not act on it. It has nothing to do with the feelings or the attractiveness I have for him, if anything as time goes on I feel more and more in love and attracted to him. Its very odd but maybe its a phase.

davidbetterman's avatar

Does the frequency of sex go down drastically in a marriage of many years?”

No, it goes up.

Unfortunately, it does not always go up equally for respective husbands and wives…

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

If it stays the same kind of sex, well, how often can you do the same thing anything and not get bored with it over time?

SEX, like everything else, MUST EVOLVE OR DIE

Time to bust out the power tools and gorilla suits!

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Get yer freak on!

You should evolve to a level of sex with your long term partner that would just flat out be comparatively horrifying to sex with a new partner.

wundayatta's avatar

Phrases like, “is the Pope Catholic?” Or “Does a bear shit in the woods?” Come to mind. It what I always heard, and it is what happened to me. My wife says she never was that interested, but her interest has declined. Originally we were at the Woody Allen situation

Psychologist to me: “how often do you have sex?”

“Never. Only three times a week.”

Psychologist to my wife: “How often do you have sex?”

My wife: “All the time! Three times a week.”

Well I could still do with it every night, and my wife says she might like it once a week.

It’s a problem when libidos are mismatched.

Aethelwine's avatar

Sex has never been an issue in our relationship. It has only gotten better, and more frequent, for us. just celebrated the 18th anniversary today :)

Just_Justine's avatar

I am going to throw a curved ball here! I think all that being so close, sharing all our secrets and flossing together, seeing one another on the toilet and bathing. That slows down sex. Aside from the fact that sex is just another level of communication. So if the top layers of communication are going well, sex is just the next step. So if you feel your partner is behaving like an idiot all through the week, you feel less inclined to roll around in the hay with him/her.

AstroChuck's avatar

After a long time the frequency diminishes. But that’s due more to reduced libido because of age than anything else. I’m as passionate with my wife today as I was twenty-four years ago when we first started knocking boots.

DarkScribe's avatar

It hasn’t for me in any relationship that I have ever been in. My wife and I have been together for twenty-five years now and nothing has changed – but she is still very attractive. Maybe if someone was married to a person who didn’t look after themselves it might (almost certainly would) have a negative effect on sex life.

dpworkin's avatar

Yeah, once them bitches lose their looks they’re worthless anyway.

Just_Justine's avatar

@dpworkin I agree, if she gets a big butt, throw her in the trash I say

cytonic_horus's avatar

I find when she looses her looks a brown paper bag over the head with a badly drawn image of a beautiful face does the trick

dpworkin's avatar

Yeah, but what if her tits get saggy? I replace women when they get to be around 35.

cytonic_horus's avatar

oh that is easy…if her tits get saggy make sure she has her ears pierced and is wearing loop earrings…you can then get nipple clamps and hook them up so they are lifted up like you are opening the doors to a marquee

Just_Justine's avatar

Hell no hope for me then lmao

majorrich's avatar

I can’t say if my experience matches the penny in the jar model or not because didn’t have the forsight to try it. It went down for sure over the years, and had a little rise when she decided it was baby time. Now that my job is done. I get too tired for energetic relations, and my equipment is not as reliable as it used to be.

davidbetterman's avatar

@Just_Justine The more the cushion, the better the pushin’!

mattbrowne's avatar

I think age is a more relevant factor. Plus the amount of stress.

Silhouette's avatar

Like the tide, it rises, ebbs, rises again.

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