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iluvyou's avatar

Was there ever a time that you were so scared of loosing your S/O that you pretty much talked them into staying with you?

Asked by iluvyou (47points) April 14th, 2010

my boyfriend tried to break up with me today and I pretty much talked him into staying with me to try to work things out. Now I feel like crap because I know he only did it because I wanted him to..So what do I do now?

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13 Answers

rangerr's avatar

I did that.
We ended up staying together for two years more than we should have.
I was okay with it because it was what I thought I wanted.

Looking back, I really really regret that. I felt like such a manipulative bitch when I actually realized what I was doing.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Tell him you’re sorry, and that he’s free to do what he wants to do, including break up with you.

And then remember that just because he no longer wants to be in a romantic relationship with you for whatever reason, this doesn’t mean that you aren’t a precious, lovable human being and no one else will ever care about you. Don’t base your judgement on your attractiveness as a partner based on one man’s opinion, no matter how much you love him.

Blackberry's avatar

That’s pretty jacked up lol. Just let him go…..Or ask him if he actually wants to stay still…..

laureth's avatar

I did this. He came over to break up with me and I was so distraught and in shock and denial that he agreed to stay. We went to bed… for the last time, it turned out. He broke up with me for real a week later.

As for what to do, I don’t know. Perhaps have a chat with him and tell him what you’re thinking. Honesty is probably the best policy.

Here’s the thing. I didn’t realize this until later in life, but people often don’t disappear entirely. You may break up, and you may not see him for a long long time, but people come back years later as friends. It’s the craziest thing. I wouldn’t bet money on it being a relationship ever again, but if you have a strong connection, you might run into each other in a decade. I’m still friends with my high school boyfriend 20 years later – even after a messy breakup and years of not talking.

Whatever happens – I wish the best for you.

QuartzKitty's avatar

Nope. I love and care about my partners a lot, but I don’t tend to get attached to them to the point I cannot let them go.

Likeradar's avatar

I’ve never done that, but I like myself and have too much respect for myself to know I’m with someone who can be talked into staying with me. Also, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who had to be talked into a relationship with me. He should be with me because he cares about me deeply, not because I’m persuasive and he’s easily persuaded.

At this point, I think your best bet is to sit down with him and tell him that if he would like to work on the relationship, you’re very willing to do that with him. If he’s not and believes he’d be happier without you, let it end.

thriftymaid's avatar

Just because someone is with you, doesn’t mean he or she is really there. You have to be able to figure that out. I do think staying and working things out sometimes ends positively, but that’s usually when the marriage or relationship has been a long one.

deni's avatar

my story is pretty much the same as @rangerr…i did this multiple times with my first long relationship. looking back it should have ended way sooner because we were just not good for each other but i guess at the time i felt like i would hate myself if i didn’t have him. so i always convinced him to stay with me or i would guilt trip him i think even sometimes. jesus christ. i was awful.

Haleth's avatar

I tried to break up with someone and was talked into staying when I was a younger. It was one of those stormy relationships two teenagers can end up in, where life is pain and the only thing you have is each other, etc. etc. It got to a point where the relationship wasn’t a good time any more but we were too co-dependent to do anything about it. I tried to break up with my boyfriend, but he was so upset and messed up over it and begged and persuaded me to stay. I thought, “Shit. He is really going to kill himself or something.” So I stuck around for a few more weeks, but only because I felt guilty and squeamish about causing someone else so much distress, and it was easier not to change the status quo.

Looking back, that was obviously the wrong thing to do. If someone seems too weak to make it without the relationship, the only way they can get stronger is a taking a few hard knocks. It’s not my responsibility to protect an ex from the emotions of me breaking up with them. Sticking around a little longer was a pretty gullible thing to do, and today I wouldn’t do it. I felt drained by this person’s neediness and manipulation, and resentful of the person.

Your boyfriend can only be responsible for himself- he should have the backbone to leave you if that’s what he really wants to do. However, what you did was wrong.

Ponderer983's avatar

Sort of…I knew he was making the wrong decision, and I knew he knew it too. Turned out for the best as he realized his wrong doings

SeventhSense's avatar

Never. I never want to be with someone who feels the need for another. I won’t stand in someone’s way and I won’t disrespect myself.

TLRobinson's avatar

He doesn’t want the relationship and may lash out in verbally mean ways because he doesn’t want to stay, and he feels guilty if he leaves.

Shame on you for begging, crying, manipulating; whichever you did. You’re better than this! He doesn’t want you, he just feels sorry for you.

Don’t go out line this! Again, you’re better than this!

little8632g's avatar

my wife and i have been together for almost 23 years – shes 37 – im 43. we have 3 kids. weve never cheated or broken up. weve had a truly beautiful relationship. we did have a few rough years starting 2004ish and id like to think we r past the hard times. this is 100% natural in a LTR. we blissed for the first 7+ years – we got married – slammed out 3 kids in 5 years and all of a sudden – weve got issues.
im italian – shes of german descent. i can handle ungodly amounts of emotion/stress/drama/etc. she cant. she tried to leave me maybe 4 times back in 2007/2008. these were the moments that most people throw in the towel and get divorced. i wouldnt let her off that easy. we had kids and we are soulmates. she just couldnt take the stress.
i talked or manipulated (whatever i had to do to keep our fam together) her out of each separation. i certainly had my own problems to work on but it turned out that among other traits that do not work in relationships – she was being invulnerable and prideful (i was prideful too). She was a runner – the easy way out. she admits it now. we r happier then weve ever been now that weve pierced through the veil.
as to what u should do now that youve talked your boyfriend into staying – i believe in the adage “Alls fair in love and war” so do what you need to do and if you need to change up and do something else – do it. Ive learned that you really shouldnt stop people from doing what they want and ultimately – its a reprieve anyway – theyll do what they want eventually. every situation is different and every person has a different set of rules/life experiences/beliefs/etc. if you think your BF only stayed bc u talked him into it – tell him that and let it go. for us – i saw through the BS and she was worth – we were worth – stopping the break-ups. it was the right decision. good luck!

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