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johnny0313x's avatar

How do you feel about relationships today compared to years ago?

Asked by johnny0313x (1845points) May 3rd, 2010

I am not sure how people did things many years ago(maybe like 20 or more years) but it seems like in today’s society(at least my experience) people tend to think that multiple sex partners or dating more then one person is acceptable and should not bother the other person. I can understand this if you just met the person for a week or two but once you continue to see someone or things begin to get more serious I personally think your focus should shift to just them. Myself personally tend to focus on one person as soon as I have interest. I feel that’s only a fair amount of respect to give to someone that you are interested in. My question is, what is your take on this, were things like this in the past or do you think today’s society is losing it’s value on relationships? Do you personally think (or act) that when you meet someone it is okay to continue with multiple sex partners/dating more then one person or are you exclusive when you begin to see someone.

Also just to clarify, when I say date or see I do not mean that you have promised to be exclusive to one another. I think that goes without saying that if you promise that, that is what you should be doing.

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10 Answers

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

I think the same values were always there but the internet makes all that more accessible. Polyamory is nothing new.

It was mainstream in the 60’s with the free love and all, to the 70’s with their key parties, and they just kept rolling right on in to the 80’s going at it Rick James style.

I don’t think other people’s polyamory really threatens the people who don’t subscribe to the lifestyle.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

It used to be that dating was just that—dating. It was okay to go out with several different people at the same time, because you weren’t sleeping with any of them. People did sleep with people they were dating but it was with the understanding that there was a real relationship in place, before that happened. Sex was not considered a handshake.

It made things a lot less complicated. Now it seems like you talk to someone on the phone several times, and sex is expected. People consider themselves dating someone when they live across the country or on the other side of the globe and haven’t seen the other person for 8 months.

johnny0313x's avatar

@Captain_Fantasy I agree with you but that last line “I don’t think other people’s polyamory really threatens the people who don’t subscribe to the lifestyle.” I feel differently about. While that is your opinion and I certainly respect that…I think that both lifestyle collide.

I think often each person with different values expect one another to conform or accept it which would be compromising your own personal values. I suppose if you love someone enough you might be willing to do that but is it healthy? I think to say that safely there would have to be a huge fence dividing the world and on one side would be monogamy and the other side would be Polyamory(sorry if thats the wrong context). Everybody is different but I see far to many people who play the monogamous card but don’t quite live up to it.

This is not me being bitter from experience, just an overall observation from people my friends have dated as well as myself. I feel like most people I meet today are so hell bent on the next best thing(at least when you are younger, maybe it’s different as you get older) that monogamy and being exclusive has become a thing of the past. I notice people that are younger then me don’t even seem to have a concept of monogamy almost as if it’s something that never existed. Personally it makes me sad but I guess the world changes all the time. I believe that one day in the future being exclusive or having sex with 1 partner will be something laughed at as silly.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

That’s an easy solution then: Don’t sleep with any polyamorous people and you’ll be fine.

Live and let live bro.
There’s worse things happening in the world than group sex.

johnny0313x's avatar

Well it’s not so much a concern of mine, if I don’t like what someone has to offer, I walk problem and that is something I learned the hard way. However I was more curious as to what other peoples take on things are. You are right though, there are far worse things happening in the world.

john65pennington's avatar

The big difference is morales in people. we had morales in the 60s and usually only had one partner that we dated. not so, today. its an open door policy as far as different sexual partners go. since i and a couple of more people on Fluther are The Grand Daddy Deans, we can see the change. we may not like the change, but thats just the way life is now.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I find I’m still attracted to the same types of partners who share similar values with me as I did when younger, they still exist and they still find me and me them. Hearing about group sex or polyamory (yawn) is old news to me, I’ve got hippie parents who went through all that and I’ve never seen it as a threat to the lifestyle I choose to lead instead.

What I do find different is how I approach relationships now rather than in my early single years; I have no problem putting my cards on the table and then picking and choosing instead of pining away for a person who has nothing to offer to how I want to live.

mattbrowne's avatar

Years ago people seemed to have been more willing to accept imperfection.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

I have had more than one person I was sexually intimate with to the point of wanting to take it to the next level by seeing them both as much as I could around the same time period and it was not satisfying for me. They both knew about each other as I did not think it was fair for them not to, but my attention felt and was divided. I was not dating either of them at the time (although one of them was and is an ex-boyfriend), but I felt bad. Neither of them seemed to want me seeing the other one. I’ve questioned whether or not having friends with benefits is right several times. I used to be dead-set against them, but then I met someone who seemed so promising. The way he was and is caused me to see friends with benefits relationships in a new light and this resulted in me questioning my morals and values. I have disappointed myself more than once. I used to look forward to marriage when I was much younger and more naïve. At this point in my life, I’m not so sure marriage is even right for me.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. Relationships have been cheapened greatly over the past 50 years. It has slipped a lot in the last 30 or so years. When I was younger you would never think of trying to date more than one guy or girl at the same time, unless it was a one-time thing to go to a concert, etc, but nothing serious. When you were serious, you had to put no less than 6 solid months of dating and good effort just to get to 2nd base, and that was outside the clothes. To get to 3rd and all the way home you REALLY had to put work in and be special to boot. If sex were a stock it would be plummeting towards useless. Women give it away too easy. If we in high school in ancient days would have expected there was a 70% chance or better to boink that gal after the 3rd date, we never would have respected the relationship, or her, I suspect. These days sex is a commodity, just one more thing on the punch list in a relationship. There is no real jena se qua to it anymore. Now it is much like a mechanical act like giving flowers. Relationships is more like an activity you do while waiting on something else, that a big even worth treating with any dignity.

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