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slick44's avatar

How would you feel if a parent died and were left with nothing?

Asked by slick44 (3808points) May 10th, 2010

My dad died almost 4 years ago. He and i were very close. I have one other sister who is closer to my mother. I just found out my mother gave all of my dads things to my sister. Needless to say i am very upset and hurt. I pretty much told them both to go to hell. How would you have handled the situation.

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15 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Wow, that is a pretty horrible thing to do. Did your mother or your sister give any kind of explanation as to why? Was it literally everything, or did she just get stuff that you wanted.. and you got things that were less sentimental to you?

Sorry that happened… that was really insensitive of them :\

tranquilsea's avatar

That would hurt, a lot. I would probably have talked to my mother and let her know how much it hurt and then take some time to get over the feelings.

I am sure this happens a lot.

slick44's avatar

She pretty much got everything. I didnt give her a chance to explain, there is no explanationt that makes it ok. I told my mom to give her the damn house when she dies. She probably planned to anyways. I want nothing to do with either one of them.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I would be really upset as well. I would’ve probably told them both how I felt. Before this happened, did you ever talk about wanting any of your dad’s stuff? I hope they both realize the damage they’ve done to your relationship with them. I hope they apologize for what they’ve done. I know it won’t make up for the hurt you are feeling right now, but I really think they need to apologize for not thinking about you when they did that.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’ve never expected to receive anything by anyone’s death, not even my parents’. There are few things anyone owns that I’d be ticked about my sister getting instead of me. Our family pretty much gives while we’re alive.

Years ago I watched several family members of my then husband turn on each other with a lot of viciousness when an uncle died and left things to a particular married-into-the-family member instead of blood relatives. What the man left was a decade old car and a house full of old cheap furniture, I just didn’t get how they went crazy for stuff they could have gotten any other time at yard sales or junk stores. To me, the memory of his life and the respect due to him in passing was overshadowed by their frenzied greed.

If I ever come into means then I will gift ahead of time where people know who’s getting what. Right now the most valuable things I own are jewelry (very little left) and a few art pieces best appreciated by my best friend.

slick44's avatar

I dont want to ever fight about things, the fact is my dad and i were close and some things mean alot to me. I cant understand why my mom is doing this to me.

filmfann's avatar

A year before my Mom died, she talked to me about her estate (I was executer). I begged her to give all her money to Billy Ray Cyrus, since he made her happy.
When she died, we each got $$$$, and we split up the furniture and stuff.
I spent all the money, mostly on stuff to make my wife happy. The furniture and stuff haunts me when I see it. It’s not mine. It’s my Mom’s, and it is a constant reminder of my Mothers death.
I didn’t want any of it. I wanted my Mom to be alive.
Don’t fight over this. You’re just fighting over heartache.

slick44's avatar

Im not fighting over it, you are right. but some things have sentimental value to me. between me and my dad. and i am hurt by being deprived. if i could have him back that would make everything allright agin but i cant.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

It is a shame your mother did not treat you fairly and your sister did not think to share with you some of the things that belonged to your Dad.
Some day you will realize that you already possess treasures from your Dad that your mother could not give away and your sister could never hope to have.

Sophief's avatar

I would have done what you did. What they did to you was wrong.

downtide's avatar

In your circumstances I would be very upset. With my own parents they have nothing anyway, so I don’t expect to inherit anything except massive care debts and funeral expenses.

Gemini's avatar

My heart goes out to you as this happened to me as well, but the mother and sister were step family so not quite as hurtful as blood relatives. My father passed away and everything went to his wife. When she passed she left everything to her own daughter, including all my fathers’ personal belongings (house, car, jewelry, awards, pictures….) We tried to reason with our step sister at first but she was too greedy to give in. I had to try and let it go so I ended up writing her a letter telling her exactly how I felt and somehow it gave me closure. I don’t know if this approach would help you, but if you don’t feel like talking to your mother in person right now it might help you deal with your feelings a bit and maybe open her eyes. Aside from that I have pride in knowing I was a great daughter to my father and wonderful memories that are mine to keep. Good luck with this slick44.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@slick44
I thought about this more last night and came up with something that may be similar to your dynamic. My own grandmother is a case and she has often tried to pit my mother and I against each other. She has this notion my mother is forgetful, irresponsible, a little slow/not business minded and so on so when she drew up she and her husband’s living will, she contacted me to handle all the paperwork. This hurt my mother huge!

It may be that kind of power play your mom has going on to where she’s trying to hurt you for not being the kind of daughter she expected and so favors your sister in default to make whatever point she’s got going. Your mom may be disapproving of your lifestyle somehow and this is her way of saying, “you’re not to be trusted with important things”? People suck and sometimes they’re blood relatives. You might talk it out with some other relatives, speak your hurt and say specifically what you wanted of your dad’s because others might have ways and words with your mom and sister. Sorry you have suckage.

perspicacious's avatar

I personally would not care. If Dad left everything to Mom, Mom can do with it as she pleases. Your memories of your Dad are yours.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I would feel horrible if this happened to me. I would not stand for it even if I was the one who received all the my deceased parent’s. I would still cherish their memory even if I ended up empty handed.

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