Social Question

Sarcasm's avatar

Have you ever been interrogated by the family of your significant other? Or played a different role in that situation?

Asked by Sarcasm (16758points) May 18th, 2010

I’ve seen so many films in which a very protective father sits down in his chair in the living room, with a shotgun by his side of course, and asks a boy what his intentions are with his daughter.

I’m curious to see if anyone in real life has been part of this experience, whether they were the interrogator, the interrogatee, or the target of the love and protection of the two.

If so, what has your experience been in this situation?

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23 Answers

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Ugh, my mother interrogates everyone! She always has! Not just my significant other, but my friends, parents of friends, everyone. It’s extremely embarrassing. I guess she doesn’t realize how pointed her questions can sound.

andreaxjean's avatar

Holy crap. When my boyfriend and I first started dating.. he was over at my house around Christmas time and we decided to build a gingerbread house. My parents went out that night and when they got home, I had been cleaning up the kitchen from the hue mess we made making the house and my boyfriend was tired so he went up to my room and laid down on my bed for a while to take a nap. My parents then came home and my dad found him in my bed and he FLIPPED SH*T! I’m not sure if he was drunk or what… but my dad scared the crap out of my boyfriend and made him never want to come back… but I guess he really liked me because we ended up having a baby 11 months later and getting engaged two years later…. Still waiting for the wedding. Hoping for October of 2011. =]

partyparty's avatar

Oh yes, that has certainly happened.
My mum invited my SO to dinner, and then the interrogation started. Every time he put some food to his mouth, there was another question for him. It was very embarrassing, but we tried to see the funny side of things.

Buttonstc's avatar

@andreaxjean

Well, you don’t mention your age, but if you were still in your teens then, it looks like your Dad’s instincts were spot-on hence the baby 11 months later :)

There aren’t a whole lot of Dads overly fond of the idea of any guy having sex with their teenage daughter.

JeffVader's avatar

Not yet….. but I am kinda expecting it some time after June.

JeffVader's avatar

Haha, thanks….. but you dont know what I did to deserve it…..

aprilsimnel's avatar

I was 19 and one of my college boyfriends’ father visited our summer rental (it was with 5 others and I had a floor to myself) and interrogated me. Well, more interrogated him as to why he’d be going out with a “someone” (that’s not the word he used, though) like me.

He asked me my age, what my major was and why didn’t I just get a job as a secretary or something and leave college for the people who should go. For a few moments I sat there, dumbfounded, as this man who’d never met people who looked like me in his life expounded on how disgusting, horrible and a stain on the American body politic people like me were and how we should all go back to “to the jungle”. All at once, I snapped and told him off. Now I wish I hadn’t, because I realized later on that that was exactly what he’d wanted me to do in order to confirm his opinion that black women were loud, obnoxious, sassy and argumentative.

Not once did the boy say anything to stick up for me or show me that he had my back. His mother did, of all things, but the man told his wife to “shut the f up,” and leave business like this to him, and gave his son an ultimatum, either dump me or get his money for college cut off. His mother took me aside and begged my forgiveness for her husband’s behaviour, told me that I was the best woman her son had ever dated and to please keep dating him because I was a good influence. But no. Once Pops and the Mrs left, I dumped the guy.

CMaz's avatar

I would never allow that to happen.

meagan's avatar

Nope. Never. I’m not into meeting parents. And my parents don’t care about who I date. Its a nice gig.

Silhouette's avatar

Yes I have. I was interrogated by my monster in law every time I saw her for years, very intrusive questions. “How much money do you make?” “What method of birth control are you using?” Eleven years later, “When are you going to have children?” “You’re not getting any younger you know.”

My role was the hated evil daughter in law and I eventually got around to give her reason to hate me. I spiked her guns every chance I got until she finally learned not to open a can of worms with me.

“Myrtle, I make more money than your son does.” “Myrtle, we cross our fingers when we have sex so I won’t be having children anytime soon.” “Myrtle, I won’t be having children until I’m certain you understand that if you treat my children like you treat all your other grandchildren I’ll knock your block off.” “Myrtle, grow up dear.”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Silhouette Ugh, I would so not be okay with that!

My parents never interrogated directly but there was plenty of indirect criticism and free for all dissection of people I dated. When, in high school, my aunt and my mom came to see me in a musical and later saw me kiss my boyfriend, they almost died on the spot because he (and they didn’t know) was Black. Later on, when my first husband and I were getting married, my dad liked him ‘cause he ‘could drink with him like the best of ‘em’ – I should have known it wasn’t going to work out. Mom is a perpetual criticizer of everything and anything so it extends to people I am with, obviously. Thankfully, my husband pretends he knows less Russian than he really does. Of course her negative energy permeates the household and have had a toll on him, as well. As far as parents of people I’ve dated, never had a problem – I can usually perceive what they want to hear from me and adjust a bit in order for them to leave us the hell alone. My husband’s parents were apprehensive to meet me because I was the crazy NY girl that took him out of his previous marriage in Il and made him (seemingly) abandon all sense. They never knew how much their son was unlike that life. These days they certainly constantly get surprised by how ‘weird’ I am but now that they have two grandkids, I don’t hear any direct criticism.

deni's avatar

my mom and dad never did but my mom’s current boyfriend was good at scaring everyone away. not even by interrogating them, because he’s not very social, but just by being really rude constantly and yelling if we were in my room alone, regardless of what we were doing….this happened for the final time a few months before i moved. i was 20, my ex boyfriend and i were sitting on my floor talking and he barged in and started yelling….hence one more reason why i moved across the country 2 months later.

Silhouette's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir ” Of course her negative energy permeates the household and have had a toll on him, as well.”

I remember that feeling well.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Silhouette we’re moving out in late fall

gailcalled's avatar

I interrogated both my 68 year old mother and her boyfriend when they decided to wed after having known each other only two months. It turns out that they were embarrassed to have sex out-of-wedlock. I pleaded with them to wait a bit and have sex with my blessing.

They married with no family or friends present. Six weeks later my crazy mother had made this guy thoroughly nuts. Dear reader, they got divorced immediately.

Silhouette's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Good for you, everyone needs their own space.

rangerr's avatar

I’ve never really been interrogated apart from the normal get-to-know-you questions.

My parents don’t ask too many questions to the guy, but after he leaves, my mom asks a million questions about him. “It’d be rude to ask him so many questions!”

My extended family… they DO interrogate. Hard.
My cousins usually ask for one-on-one time. That consists of general life questions which almost always ends up in conversations about cars. If they don’t like you, they’ll tell you. And promptly kick you out of the house. No matter what my say is. They are very protective of me, and they’ll warn you from the start.

My great grandma would ask about sex life… but my grandmother has seemed to taken over that job.

My uncles… they are the cops in the very small town where they live. Anything they say goes. They have “the test”:
1. Can you handle being interrogated about your life history and life plans while there are shotguns in all off their hands?
2. Can you deal with them holding a handgun to your head because they want to see your reaction? You know.. in case someone pulled that stunt while you were with me.
3. Can you swim if thrown off a boat?
4. Can you hold your alcohol?
The rest of “the test” I’m not allowed to know.
They are protective of our little circle which includes family and neighbors in their 80 population town, so you have to pass that test, or they’ll make sure you’re not coming back around.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

When my mother went out on her first date after my father died, almost her entire family and their wives met at my house while they were out on the date. (12 or 14 people) They all gathered in the kitchen with the intention of busting her dates hump as soon as he walked in the door. One of her in laws loves to raise hell and always goes out of his way to pull stuff like that. Her date took one look in the window as they pulled into the driveway and refused to leave the car. He wasn’t completely scared off, they been married over 25 years and he loves the famil get togethers.

GrumpyGram's avatar

I dont like to talk about the dead, but my ex MIL , before I married her son, had a talk with me in their CAR regarding my assets (meaning, my monetary assets). I thought it very strange and sort of rude but I answered. If I could go back , I’d ask her, “if you don’t mind, why are you asking?”

Draconess25's avatar

Yes. Rachel’s parents had me cooped up in their cold kitchen for hours asking me pointless bull. Ellie’s parents pestered her about those “heathen lesbian daughters of the Devil” she hangs out with. I don’t like either of their families very much.

Jabe73's avatar

I had this happen to me when I was 26 and the girl was 19 when we met at a plant we both worked at. Her parents kept trying to find every reason to get her to break up with me, I had a good paying job as the plant electrician, had no criminal record, was respected by most people who knew me and didn’t have any negative repetation with any girls, if anything I rarely dated prior to her but for some reason her parents (especially her dad) made it is personal mission to break us up. He had many excuses he used but finally admitted he didn’t like the age difference ( at least that is what he claimed was the real reason he didn’t approve) and finally scared her into breaking up with me because she still lived at home and he was helping her with her car payments and college so that was the end of that.

Ironically, her dad tried to set her up with other guys that were around her age that he knew and they all cheated on her and 2 of them got her pregnant and don’t even bother with their own kids and she eventually dropped out of college because of this. Her parents can’t look me in the eye when I occasionally run into them at a store or something.

Sometimes the person’s “friends” will do this as well. It will be very hard to make any relationship work if your boy/girlfriend has too many people close to them that are against you. I don’t date anymore and havn’t for a very long time, i had more heartache trying to date someone than being alone, one thing I learned is that dating isn’t for everyone.

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