Social Question

beautifulday's avatar

Should I break up with him?

Asked by beautifulday (14points) June 16th, 2010

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. we have had great times together, he is a good guy would never cheat and has a great heart. ALthough, he is 22 still does not have his GED or diploma, has lost all his previous jobs and currently works at fridays, and still lives with mom with no car. I have tried very hard to get him to get his GED, have even broken up with him but then went back to him before he got it. i love him more than anything, and he loves me. but lately he hasn’t given me as MUCH attention as he used (he still pays me attention, but it just isnt quite the same) He went over his brothers and brought a bag with all of his things, when he came back i went through his bag (in the past he has hidden quite a few things from me that i have found) which he hates, but i found two klonapins in there and i asked him about it he says he has NO IDEA how they got in there. i called his brother (he is known to do pills) and asked if he put them in there and he said no. clearly someone is lying. so my boyfriend was talking to his brother and said i being out of control and that he is trying to put me “in check.” Then i tried talking to him about the pills and he refused to talk to me. he would not even look at me. i was crying and begging for him to talk to me. he just kept ignoring me! so i finally left since he wouldnt talk, and he hasnt tried to talk to me since.

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18 Answers

Seek's avatar

I wouldn’t waste my time on someone with so little ambition that they can’t take a GED test.

From what it sounds like, you’re looking at a future of providing room, board, and illicit narcotics to someone who feels they have to teach you a lesson anytime you question something suspicious. Doesn’t sound like a winner to me.

robmandu's avatar

Unequivocally, yes.

And also I’d suggest that you resist the desire to police people and their belongings. He’s not in a good place for a relationship, and I don’t know that you’re ready for one, either.

rangerr's avatar

He can’t get a GED and you go through his stuff.
He feels the need to put you “in check”, and you have to cry/beg for his attention.
Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

stevenb's avatar

DO IT NOW! Get away and find a new and better relationship somewhere else. Life is too short to waste time like that. Move on and have a better life.

cheebdragon's avatar

If you have to ask a bunch of strangers, you are probably not mature enough to be in a relationship….

RocketSquid's avatar

You obviously care enough for the guy to want to help him improve himself, and a relationship built over 3 years is a tough thing to give up. I’m sure maybe there’s things that can be done, but from your question it sounds pretty hopeless.

Like @rangerr said, he can’t get his GED or keep a job, and you have to go through his things to check on him. He’s probably taking pills now yet won’t fess up to you when caught red-handed.

Obviously if there’s other factors, or if he wants to work on his problems, I’d stay and help him through that. But it sounds like he has no ambition to improve, despite your efforts to help him become a better person. You’re better off taking that energy and ambition, and finding someone who can match that instead of dragging along someone who is probably going to be dead weight. It’ll hurt like hell, but you’ll be far better off in the long run.

RocketSquid's avatar

@cheebdragon That’s not really fair, is it?

Haleth's avatar

It sounds like a codependent situation. He has no motivation of his own, and people like you and his mom care for him unconditionally no matter how much he fucks up (losing jobs, taking pills.) As he sees it, there’s no reason for him to change. On the other hand, part of you might feel like you want to leave but don’t have the strength to do it. You can become really close to someone after three years, and a lot of people get in relationships and let their own friends and interests fall by the wayside. So even though being with him sucks, you can’t imagine being alone.

If that’s how you feel, maybe you should distance yourself from him and do your own thing for a week or two and see how it feels. In the long run, you’ll probably be a lot happier being single or with someone else. The thing about this guy is, it sounds like he’s just coasting through life and has made no effort to make anything of himself. Even if he hasn’t achieved much, he should at least be trying.

envidula61's avatar

It came up heads. Splitsville!

marinelife's avatar

Yes. This guy has everything but an L tattooed on his forehead.

Silhouette's avatar

He is even too lazy to come up with a decent lie, “NO IDEA how they got in there.” That’s pretty lameO.

” he refused to talk to me. he would not even look at me. i was crying and begging for him to talk to me. he just kept ignoring me! so i finally left since he wouldn’t talk, and he hasn’t tried to talk to me since.”

Classic passive aggressive, enabler situation. He won’t call you, he knows you won’t be able to stand it and you’ll call him, you’ll probably wind up apologizing for upsetting him too.

Don’t call him, have some self respect.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

He’s not talking to you??
Your life has just improved.

janedelila's avatar

@RocketSquid it is fair. He is a loser and a manipulator, no doubt, but anybody who needs validation in a decision like that at such a young age…well you know the rest of this lecture. Grow some, girly! Dump that idiot.

janedelila's avatar

And please take some time to yourself. You don’t have to choose between men. You can just choose to have a beautiful day.

madeinkowloon's avatar

I’m going to have to agree with the people who’ve answered in this thread. and especially with @lucillelucillelucille.

I’m sorry that you’re hurting right now and for the future hurt you’ll endure after you end things with him (should you choose to do so), but it’ll be a lesser pain than, say, staying in this relationship for another 2 or 3 more years.

You did, after all, break up with him because he wouldn’t get his GED. You got back together with him despite the fact he’s still lacking the GED. And as much as you hope and you wish and whatever have you, you can’t change that, and from the looks of it, he isn’t willing to change. He has to do that for himself. Save yourself the trouble and just nip it in the bud. :-|

Good luck.

Cruiser's avatar

To quote McCain…“you can put some lipstick on the pig, but it’s still a pig!”

RocketSquid's avatar

@janedelila I’m just saying a 3 year relationship is pretty hard to walk away from, even if things have taken a turn for the worse. Asking a question on a question and answer site couldn’t be any worse than flipping a coin, and sometimes verbalizing (textalizing?) a situation for other people to read can help out quite a bit.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Really? Is this the best you can do? Do you want to stay with a loser like this?
Move on.

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