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Jude's avatar

Name one thing that you've changed about your behavior/way of being, which in the past gave you nothing but grief?

Asked by Jude (32112points) July 12th, 2010

In the past, I tried my best to be there for others, too much at times/make everything okay, you know?

Now, I’m just me. I’ll do what I can, but, I won’t enable. If it’s going to hurt me in anyway, I’m outta there. I know that I’m a good person (with a big heart), and I hate to see others suffer, but, I have to look out for me. That’s the way she be…

I’m okay with it.

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43 Answers

Aster's avatar

Quit smoking 22 years ago and have approx 2 alchoholic beverages a year. But with the second one I can’t say it was all bad. haha Haven’t been a doormat in decades. THAT I like !

Seaofclouds's avatar

In the past, I let my emotions rule me. I am a very emotional person. I have extreme moments in just about any emotion I feel. I’ve learned to control myself in regards to how I show those emotions to other people. Mostly it means I control my temper a lot more now than I use to.

tinyfaery's avatar

It might sound untrue, but I used to be a push-over; I let people walk all over me. I believe it was because I was an abused child. Letting people have their way was just easier, at least that’s how I used to see. When I left my parents (when they finally kicked me out for good) I began to learn that I would never be happy doing what everyone expected of me.

Austinlad's avatar

Getting sucked into email arguments, which are unemotionally draining, hurtful to both sides, and most important, usually unwinnable. I haven’t completely stopped going it, but I’m getting better and better at stopping myself.

Jude's avatar

@tinyfaery lurve you, girl.

janbb's avatar

Dwelling on mistakes I made, ruminating and beating myself up. I can’t say I never do it anymore, but I have much less of a pattern of doing it.

Facade's avatar

I moved out of my parents house. They don’t have a good relationship with each other and would put me in the middle. Fuck that. They’re adults who should handle their own mess. I’m pretty sure things have gone to shit now, but that’s not my issue. I do worry about my mother, but I have my own, flourishing relationship to tend to. Living there was driving me insane (literally). I’m glad to be away even if I still have to deal with some of their shit by phone.

Jude's avatar

@Facade Glad that you’re away from that and enjoying your life/man.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Started smoking weed. I went from being an angry person who hated everything to someone who can love and respect everything equally, see the value of life in all forms and truly be at peace with nature. :)

marinelife's avatar

I got control of my temper. I began to understand the causes of my anger and now I don’t get really angry.

Seek's avatar

I used to worry about making people who didn’t approve of me happy.

Now, I try to make myself and my husband and my son happy.

Fuck the rest of ‘em.

wundayatta's avatar

I am a recovering self-putter-downer. Whether the habit was induced by brain chemistry or by ingrained neural pathways, I’ve been fighting it for several years now. Right now, I can hear compliments without finding a reason why the complimenter is wrong. I hope I can stay that way.

Cruiser's avatar

I can completely relate! If you lay yourself out there and are too open and vulnerable with people you care about, you can have your emotional soul sucked right out of you!

Jude's avatar

@Cruiser Yep. I was tested big time this weekend, but, stood my ground.

Aster's avatar

@uberbatman ”...see the value of life in all forms and truly be at peace with nature.” Wow; and how Much weed must one use to achieve that milestone? You feel that way sober too?
Impressive!

El_Cadejo's avatar

@Aster it was pretty instantly after i started smoking. Like a revelation :P and yes, i feel that way always. It just unlocked a part of my brain and a way of thinking after I did it the first time. Same with hallucinogens. It just unlocks some part of you that was previously hidden.

gemiwing's avatar

I quit treating every situation like a 911 situation.

Some things are truly emergencies- not everything that happens (drama, life event changes, running late) is a true emergency. It took a lot of learning to figure that out. So when a friend has a problem and it’s not a true 911, then I don’t invest 110% of myself. That way, when the real problems crop up, I’m not too worn out to handle them and help out.

It also keeps me from exploding all over the place, which just gets messy.

Cruiser's avatar

@jjmah Must have been something in the water as this weekend was a kicker here too!

aprilsimnel's avatar

Taking everything personally, and behaving from that belief.

So if someone snarled at me, I’d go off somewhere and cry, and wonder what I did so that they hated me. I wouldn’t talk to people or give out my opinions for fear of offending them. Ugh. I remain vigilant. It was part of me for so long that if I’m not careful, I will slide right back into thinking that my very existence is offensive to someone and will behave accordingly.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

I am still working on being selfish, I mean I’ve bought my friends stuff and all that, but in my heart there is always a devil telling me not to buy or do this for them , but it’s going very well.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I have treated people nicer than they deserve.

gemiwing's avatar

@gemiwing hey genius, it’s quit not quite.

gailcalled's avatar

I used to feel compelled to try to fix other people’s emotional messes. That got me exactly nowhere.

Aster's avatar

@jjmah I think girl is a guy?

BoBo1946's avatar

My temper…..now, very seldom get angry, and if i do, i walk away! Being a very competitive person has it’s drawbacks! Have never been one to get angry very often, but when i do, it’s not a pretty thing!

Jude's avatar

@Aster I’m not sure what you’re trying to say there:
“I think girl is a guy”

Seek's avatar

@tinyfaery is biologically female, to the best of my knowledge. She does have a wife, the mention of which may have lead to @Aster‘s confusion.

Jude's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr I had no idea she was talking about @tinyfaery (she didn’t mention that name up there). Maybe, I’m losing my mind?

I just got this ”@jjmah I think girl is a guy?”

Oh, well…

Aster's avatar

thank you, @Seek_Kolinahr , for your help.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

(1) I finally learned to stop choosing needy partners who I felt I could help or rescue.

(2) I have learned to listen much better to people instead of just looking for things I could tell them that would impress them or that would teach them things I thought they needed to know. Apparently many people do not like someone who acts like a know it all (even if they really do know a great deal about the subjects on which they are talking).

Jeruba's avatar

Out of painful necessity I taught myself to recognize my expectations for what they were and understand that they were something in me, not something found (or not found, but promised) in the other person.

For a long while I had to coach myself out loud on a daily basis. Now I stumble into that minefield only once in a while and can see where I am pretty quickly, before something explodes.

le_inferno's avatar

I used to be really angry and hateful towards people. I wouldn’t express it, it would just build up inside me. Little things people did would annoy me way more than it should, and I would make harsh judgments. It just made me a more miserable person. I still sometimes do it when I’m in a bad mood, but I’m a lot better.

I also used to be envious of other girls’ looks, compare myself to them, be insecure, wonder if anyone thought I was attractive. I still do it to an extent, but not nearly as much now. I have a lot more confidence.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Something that has helped me is reading the works of a Zen monk named Cheri Huber. I started with There Is Nothing Wrong With You, but she has a number of titles that address a lot of these issues.

MaryW's avatar

I stopped giving motive to what other people do. Sometimes they do not know their own motivation and most of the time people act with self centered ness, not to deliberately hurt or annoy others.
If I think some one is being “evil.” I just wish their own motives to bounce back to them. That way I do not waste time on a snippy comment, a bad driver, a rude stranger, etc, etc. AND I am never wishing them harm.
If I know, and they know, they meant to be “evil” the same method still gives me peace. AND time to plot revenge :-) Just kidding…I think.

YARNLADY's avatar

I used to think that I would feel angry or unhappy because someone made me feel that way. I finally learned that I am responsible for how I choose to interpret and react to other people, and I choose to be happy. I like being happy.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@MaryW We can inspire people with our words and actions; motivation comes from within. You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.

stardust's avatar

I used to seek myself out in others. Now I am much more accepting of myself and I have trust in life.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

My naive belief that if I did right and good then nothing bad would happen to me. Instead of being angry at bad things befallen me, I buckle down and watch my back better. It works wonders.

MissA's avatar

In the past, I worked hard, always trying to never let anyone down. Making everyone around me happy was my focus. Then it occurred to me that if I was snatched off this mortal coil, life would go on and everyone would be just fine.

Whenever I’m feeling too much in the center of things, I remind myself that if I were not here,,,life would go on and people would manage. Then, I back away and keep my smile.

I’m happier…and, more of a free spirit. I believe it’s one of the nicer things that I’ve accomplished for myself.

Jabe73's avatar

Standing up for other people that get picked on. This has not won me a big fan club and many friends however.

SundayKittens's avatar

Taking on people as projects..
Bringing home strays (animal or otherwise)...
Most importantly, I’ve stopped apologizing.

woodcutter's avatar

because I probably was a little naive or lazy at first I would leave stuff in my truck unattended to go inside a store or wherever. things would disappear and once I lost most my stuff. Couldn’t work after that so I was forced to get a heavy chain to secure everything and it’s a pain. Even now I sometimes elect to not do the chain routine but I am aware of what could happen. It’s the typical , non productive citizen making things hard on the productive ones, so which of the two are really more vulnerable?

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

I’ve learned to survey my emotions, fears, and communication skills so that I understand them better and I can control them. Before they’d fly all over the place and start fights that could have been avoided. It also allowed me to let go of old stuff and move on.

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