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Berserker's avatar

What kind of farming tool would you use to wage war against a horde of zombies?

Asked by Berserker (33470points) July 13th, 2010

Guns and zombies are always awesome, and so are customized buses and explosions…but nothing is as classic as using an every day farming tool to dish out punishment on the undead. A scythe, a hoe, a shovel, a chainsaw, a tractor or a manual lawnmower. What’s yours?

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37 Answers

janbb's avatar

Can’t get more classic than a pitchfork.

Berserker's avatar

@janbb Damn straight.

SmashTheState's avatar

Pitchforks get stuck in flesh. A flail will never get stuck, and it’s long enough to smash in their heads before they get close.

rpm_pseud0name's avatar

I’d have to go with a scythe.

Berserker's avatar

@SmashTheState Someone’s been reading Max Brooks. :D

WestRiverrat's avatar

Tractors, chainsaws and lawn mowers eventually run out of gas.

Flails and Scythes get heavy if you have to use them a lot.

I think I will go with the machete my great uncle used to butcher his hogs.

MaryW's avatar

I like the more long distance force of opening the flood plain dam ( Big farm tool) and cleansing the whole place at one time. Since they can not be killed they are at least relocated the next downstream river, mangled, beat up, and attacked by huge pike.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Farming tool? How about a big ol’ farmboy named Jethro?

janbb's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille The Beverly Hillbillies and Zombies?

Fly's avatar

I would have to go with a harvester…they would be shredded to bits, and the remains would make a great fertilizer. ;)

chyna's avatar

Tree chipper.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Dead Alive style with the push mower. (if this answer doesn’t count, I’ll go for the chainsaw.)

filmfann's avatar

scythe. Machetes allow the zombie to get too close. Flame throwers might work.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@janbb -That’s right.J-throw could kick some a$$

knitfroggy's avatar

An idiot stick. That’s what my grandma calls it It kind of looks like a scythe but the blade sticks out straight instead of curves.

Berserker's avatar

@knitfroggy That’s one crazy ass tool.

AliasTJ's avatar

A hay baler or a thrasher. Dang zombies ain’t getting me..hehehe

Berserker's avatar

@AliasTJ Oh hell yeah a hay baler lol.

Pandora's avatar

A tractor.
I’ll just walk a little faster than them (not hard to do) to a cliff. Pretend to fall off the edge. As they follow I come up behind them and finish pushing them off the edge.
They will drop like lemmings.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

No farming tools, just good ole brute force!

Berserker's avatar

@ZEPHYRA That’s what farmers are all about!

superneil21's avatar

the big flamer thrower i use to clean ditches with

ipso's avatar

But guns are everyday farm tools!

Let’s go with an Colt AR-15 for “varmint”, a Remington 1100 Tactical for “crows”, a Glock 21 sidearm for “snakes”, a Barrett M82A1 for “coyotes”, and a Glock 36 in the boot just in case for “wild dogs” – and a Buck 110 for “twine”.

Jeruba's avatar

@ratboy, how do you get them to jump under it?

My uncle had sacks of lime in the barn. My cousins and I weren’t supposed to touch it. Wouldn’t lime dissolve zombie flesh? I think if I could spray lime on them with some kind of fertlizer sprayer thing, they probably wouldn’t hold up too well. I don’t know, though. I only expected to have to deal with urban zombies.

ratboy's avatar

@Jeruba: no need—it mows them down and spits them out in convenient soup-sized chunks. Heat thoroughly before eating!

zophu's avatar

A ladder. Sun Tzu would totally just starve an army that had no fear and was not going to retreat. How long can zombies last on their own tissue? They don’t breath and they have no flowing blood. I’d wait ‘em out. Let you guys get yourselves infected with your broken down vehicles and empty shotguns.

ucme's avatar

Oi got a brand noo combine arvester & oi’ll give you the key.Slice & dice the mutha fucka’s.

Nullo's avatar

I’d certainly keep a machete with me, but I’m liking all this harvester talk.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

A big assed John Deere combine, with a twelve row corn head (cheaper by the dozen) zombie chunks everywhere.

Cruiser's avatar

This would be a bit messy but the view from the drivers seat would be priceless!

downtide's avatar

Combine Harvester. Mow the whole lot down all at once, and what comes out the back can be used as fertiliser.

@Cruiser that machine is awesome. I want one! What on earth is it for (besides killing zombies?)

Jeruba's avatar

For once I think I’d like to hang with @Nullo. We’d have to be nimble. “Hold on a minute, guys, while I run and start my harvester and point it at you, and then would you be good enough to stand in a neat line so I can mow you down?” I don’t see that working as a general strategy, although it’s a great tactic as situations arise. I think we need something we can wield on the instant and in all directions.

GQ, @Symbeline.

Nullo's avatar

@Jeruba I’m thinking more of a herding/tactical approach. One person gets a dirt bike, the other the harvester. The person with the dirt bike draws the zombies into a single, fairly close group. Then you bring in the harvester.

@downtide Last one that I saw was harvesting feed corn.

Jeruba's avatar

@Nullo, once you put down that machete, I’m bailing.

Nullo's avatar

@Jeruba You’ve seen the movies. The people who bail are infinitely more likely to become zombie food. :D
One could rig the harvester to run automatically—maybe install the guts of a Robomower™ in it. And then, just to amplify the gonzo weirdness of the zombie apocalypse, we could blare the ice cream truck song out its speakers.

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